


edit the sad parts

by smallghostkid



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:32:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6664300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallghostkid/pseuds/smallghostkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh is used to sneaking into school after hours. What he's not used to is finding a disoriented, bruised Tyler Joseph there one night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Implicit Demand For Proof

**Author's Note:**

> Translation into Russian can be found [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4660418)

"Shit," Josh mutters as he felt his shirt get caught on one of the sharp edges of the broken chain fence he was currently trying to get through. He bit his bottom lip in concentration and tried his best not to rip his shirt even further as he made his way past the rest of the rusty fence. Luck didn't seem to be on his side, though, and he felt his shirt get caught on another razor edge. The sound of fabric tearing disturbed the quietness of the night, mocking him. Josh huffs in frustration but manages to squeeze his way through the torn hole in the fence without any more mishaps. Geez, breaking onto school grounds after hours was  _not_ as easy as they made it out to be in movies and tv shows. 

He takes an easy breath and smiles when his feet land on the soft grass of the school grounds, feeling victoriously delighted despite having torn his shirt. It was still so weird to him how  _free_ he felt here after school hours. All the pressure and stress he regularly felt during the day seemed to magically vanish and was replaced with a calm, almost serene, feeling, and even though it was dark and he was alone he felt...  _safe._ As if the outside world had completely vanished, along with his fears and anxiety. 

His smile vanishes and is replaced with a groan when he looks down and sees the damage his shirt had taken. The rip in the side was bigger than he had imagined it'd be.  _Great._ Just another piece of clothing he had to throw into his ever growing pile of Clothes-He'd-Planned-On-Sewing-Back-One-Of-These-Days; he just had to learn how to sew first. He brought a finger up and poked at the hole - as if to check if it was really there- and hoped that by some dumb luck he had just imagined it. His finger poked into his side, verifying that, okay, yep, there definitely was a giant tear there. He groans again.

Whatever. He was used to this by now. He shrugs to himself and starts to make his way across the field and towards the entrance of the school, bouncing up the steps excitedly, torn shirt already forgotten and replaced with exhilaration for what was meeting him inside. It was actually really lame how much he looked forward to doing this every night, but he tried not to think about it too much. He looks around, just to confirm no one else was there and cracked open the door (a small part of his brain was surprised at how easy the school was to break into, and how they should look into fixing that problem, but it also was his only entry so he wasn't about to start complaining). 

He hums and literally skips his way towards the music room, enjoying how creepily silent the hallways were - so different from the resounding ones during the day. His fingers were already shaking in anticipation as he opens the door to the room and,  _god_ , he was so lame, but his heart swells up to three times its size when he spots the drum kit in the room.

"Hello, beautiful," he coos and starts to make his way towards it when- 

_BANG._

Josh froze instantly, midstep, and scanned the room, eyes desperately searching for the intrusive sound. They didn't find anything, though, mostly due to the fact that the majority of the room relied on natural light. Josh pulls out his phone and turned on the flashlight.

"Who- who's there?" he calls out and sweeps the flashlight over the room accusingly. There was still no sign of anything (or anyone) out of the ordinary and for a moment Josh tricks himself into believing it was just his imagination.

He shoves his phone back into his pocket and starts to make his way towards his beloved drums again, but the sound of shuffling stops him again. "Who's there?" he calls out again, determination making its way into his voice. He reaches out blindly and grabs the closest thing next to him, which happened to be a tambourine and holds it up defensively - ready to use it as a weapon as he makes his way towards the source of the sound.

The tambourine shakes in his trembling hand and his mind screams at him to  _just run out of here you idiot, this is literally the start of any Supernatural episode ever!_ but his curiosity got the best of him so he ventures on.

"I- I got an, uh, a knife," he shouts out. The tambourine in his hand continues to shake, but it had started to sound like suspenseful background music in Josh's head. He pulls his phone out and sweeps the flashlight over the room again, and maybe it  _had_ been his imagination all along because he finds nothing. 

He waits a couple more minutes until, finally, he just shrugs and decides that if he was going to die tonight at least it would be for something he loved doing. He makes his way towards the drums again - finally meeting them without any interruptions - and brushes his fingers lovingly over the cymbals. It had been way too long since he'd been able to sneak out of his house and come here; had felt like  _ages_ when in reality it had just been a couple of days.

Senior year of high school was really taking a toll on him and all his friends. The homework load alone made him want to curl up into a ball and just hit the pause button on life, but colleges also expected them to participate in extracurricular activities and school events and still have a social life. It made him want to just drop out of school and run away to be part of a band. Josh pouts at the thought and plops down on the stool, which squeaked irritably under his weight. 

Drumming felt like his only escape from the world, something that he was actually good at and actually  _enjoyed._ His drums made him forget about whatever problems he had to deal with, turning them nonsensical and allowing him to finally breathe. They allowed him to not only relieve his stress but to turn them into something that actually had meaning, that actually made sense, even if it was only to him. 

He picks up the drumsticks and revels in how perfect they feel in his hands as if they were made for him and only him. He strokes the cymbals lovingly again and sighs. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

He begins to tap out a simple warm-up beat. Happiness courses through his body with every bass drop, acting as if it was his heart pumping blood through him. He lets his eyes flutter shut, about to really get into it when he hears another sound. A  _voice_. 

"Please, some of us are trying to sleep," the disembodied voice grumbles. It was laced with sleep and scared the shit out of Josh. 

He scrambles to get his phone out and quickly shines the flashlight in the direction of the voice. He holds onto his drumsticks defensively, not quite sure if he would ever actually attack anyone when it really came down to it, but they made him feel safe so he held on.

Josh couldn't help but feel like a broken record when he called out, "Who's there?"

A dark, hooded figure pops out from under the piano bench and Josh jumps, thinking  _the fucking boogeyman is real_ and oh, god, this really was the end. The hooded figure turns around and Josh rose his drumsticks in front of him warily. He shines the light on the figure, expecting the worse, and his heart stops when he sees the face squinting back at him. 

Tyler Joseph.

"What're you doing here?" Josh blurts out before he can stop himself. He gazes at him with his mouth wide open. His mind tries to convince himself that he was just imagining this again, because, really, if Josh had to make a list of people he'd expect to find sleeping in the music room after school, Tyler Joseph would have never even crossed his mind. 

Tyler was captain of the undefeated basketball team at school, a total jock, and probably the most popular guy at school. He was also in Josh's music class, extremely cute - not that he had thought about it often, especially not at this moment - and Josh had had the biggest, dumbest crush on him ever since freshman year. 

Although Tyler Joseph was very well known he was also something of an enigma. He always kept to himself from what Josh had noticed throughout the years; he seemed friendly enough will all the popular people but only ever really talked to Mark Eshleman, president of the video club at school. Mark was the complete opposite of Tyler. He was a kind of weird dude who always carried a camera with him everywhere he went,  _everywhere._ The guy probably witnessed life through a camera lens more than with his actual eyes. Their friendship reminded Josh of a fox and a hound and people seemed to think the same; Josh would overhear people talk about them and claim that Tyler was being forced to spend time with him - some sort of a Big Brother program that he had to do for college applications. Whenever Josh saw Tyler and Mark together, though, they both looked content so Josh stopped questioning it. 

"What're  _you_ doing here?" Tyler mumbles, stirring Josh out of his thoughts, and rubs at his eyes with the back of his wrist.

Josh licks his lips apprehensively, not sure if could confide in Tyler, but he looked so sleepy and,  _fuck_ , so cute, Josh couldn't help the words from spilling treacherously out of his mouth. "I come here to practice drums."

"This late?" Tyler raises an eyebrow and Josh shrugs, trying his best to seem nonchalant.

"It's the only time I'm able to sneak out. I would practice at home, but, uh, my parents hate the noise and refuse to buy me a set." Josh mentally slaps himself, not sure when he decided Oversharing Time should happen.

Tyler nods, though, as if he understood but doesn't say anything. Instead, he fidgets with the sleeves of his hoodie.

"What're you doing here?" Josh asks again after a couple minutes of awkward silence pass by. 

"Um," Tyler hesitates and continues to play with his sleeves, "sleeping."

Josh blinks. "I could see that, but why-"

"You're really good, you know," Tyler interjects and motions towards the drums with his chin. He keeps his eyes averted from Josh, shaking as he glances around the room nervously. Josh wants to ask what was wrong and was about to, but Tyler seemed to notice and speaks up again before Josh could. "You're also really good with the trumpet, from what I've seen in class."

Josh could feel himself blushing and he was glad that the room was dark and Tyler couldn't see his pink-tinged face. The question he had wanted to ask disappeared from his mind, replaced with a giddy feeling because  _Tyler Joseph_ had just complimented him. He didn't think Tyler even knew they were in the same music class, let alone pay attention to him in said class. 

"Thanks," Josh says and hopes Tyler doesn't notice the way his voice cracked a little.

The awkward silence returns and Josh felt desperate to fill it, but he had no idea what to say. Thankfully, Tyler stands up and speaks again, and Josh notes that this was the most he'd ever actually heard Tyler say in their four years of school together. 

"What were you playing? The beginning to Missed the Boat?" Tyler asks and sits down on the piano bench, facing Josh. 

"Yeah," Josh nods happily, surprised and pleased that Tyler had recognized the beat. "You listen to Modest Mouse?"

Tyler nods and hums in response. "Mhm," he smiles but it quickly turns into a grimace. "I try my best to sneak some time and listen to them whenever I can - when my parents aren't forcing me to listen to gospel music." Tyler immediately looks like he regrets sharing. 

Josh raises an eyebrow and Tyler hurries to explain. "They're... super religious..." He squirms around on the piano bench and rubs at his sleeve-clad wrist subconsciously, almost as if trying to pry it off. 

"Oh." Josh has no idea how to respond to that and tries to wrack through his mind to find something to say that would simultaneously change the subject and wouldn't inherently bring more awkwardness. He glances at Tyler, who had his eyes fixated on a spot on the floor, looking very conflicted about what he had just shared, and Josh says the first thing that pops into his head. "Um, do you play anything?" 

Tyler doesn't respond, instead, continues to rub at his wrist and stays fixated on a spot on the floor. His eyes looked glazed over and Josh was sure Tyler hadn't heard him. He was here but the look on his face seemed so far away. 

Josh furrows his eyebrows as he takes a look at Tyler. The hoodie he was wearing looked a couple sizes too big on him, making him seem smaller and skinner than he already was, and he was  _shaking_. So much.

"Hey," Josh calls out softly. He wasn't expecting a response - was just trying to see if maybe, hopefully, that stirred Tyler back - and, sure enough, he didn't receive one. Tyler was completely spaced out if that was what Josh could call it. His eyes were wide and unblinking, full of... fear? It made Josh's heart twist in agony for him. 

Josh stands up and carefully makes his way towards him as if he were approaching a scared, wounded animal. Tyler didn't seem to notice when Josh sat down next to him on the piano bench; he was busy wringing the material of his sleeves between his fingers so tightly his knuckles had turned white. He was chewing - gnawing - at his bottom lip feverishly; Josh's dick twitches slightly at the sight of Tyler's lips and he mentally scolds himself because now was definitely not the time to be getting a boner. He places his hand gently on Tyler's shoulder, hoping maybe that would bring Tyler out of his trance. Instead, Tyler makes a low, pained noise in the back of his throat and Josh quickly retracts his hand. 

Tyler sluggishly turns to look at him, still not fully awake. His eyes looked glassy and Josh felt like Tyler was looking right through him rather than at him. Josh's eyes search Tyler's desperately, only to be met back with a desolate, unfocused stare. Josh takes that time to get a better look at Tyler's face.

His eyes are bloodshot, either from having cried for a while or from lack of sleep, or maybe both. Deep, dark circles underline them; his was face sweaty and pale, ultimately making him resemble a skeleton. Josh clenches his teeth, beyond concerned. What had happened to him?

"Tyler," he calls out softly, pleadingly, and gave his thigh a nudge and that actually seemed to shake Tyler out of his reverie.

Tyler blinks his eyes languidly at him as if he had barely registered that Josh was there. 

"Tyler?" Josh asks,  _needing_ to hear a verbal confirmation that he was okay, that he was just imagining things again.

"Hmm?" Tyler blinks again and shakes his head, seemingly back to normal. Or back to himself at least.

Josh places a timid hand on his shoulder again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Tyler says dismissively and shakes Josh's hand off his shoulder. "Sorry, 'm just tired." 

Josh nods, taking the hint and dropping the subject. He stands up and moves back to his spot behind the drums. The awkward silence returns, but Josh welcomed it - preferred it to Tyler's haziness. He twirls one of his drumsticks around his finger absentmindedly, looking at the drums longingly. God, he could really use them to relax at the moment, but when he looks over at Tyler he knew it wasn't a good time to start playing, so they just sat in silence.

"What were you saying?" Tyler asks after a while and Josh looks up at him, confused. "Earlier," Tyler adds, as if that clarified things, and waves his hand around as if that also helped everything fall into perspective. 

Josh gave him another shadowy look but Tyler doesn't offer any more insight into what he could possibly be talking about, so he runs their conversation through his head - which didn't consist of much at all except for awkward silences - and finally understands what Tyler had been referring to.

"Oh!" The corner of Tyler's mouth twitches up in amusement. "I was just wondering if you played with anything." His wording sends his mind into an array of images that consisted of Tyler jerking off and fuck,  _fuck,_ he backtracks. "I mean, do you, um, play anything. Instrument wise, that is," he coughs awkwardly and tries his best to adjust himself in his jeans discreetly.

Tyler smiles genuinely now, still looking amused at how flustered Josh had gotten, and gives him a small nod. "I play a bit of piano actually."

Josh hadn't seen that answer coming - and not just because Tyler was a jock and the jocks at school typically tended on not playing any instruments, but because the most he had ever seen Tyler get close to playing in class was a tambourine and even then it hadn't seemed like he had put his full effort into it.

"Really?" Josh asks dubiously. 

Tyler giggles and it looked so cute and sweet Josh couldn't help but smile back. The dark circles under his eyes gleam duplicitously on his face, causing him to still look somewhat skeleton-like, but he did look a million times better than before. 

"Mhm," Tyler hums mirthfully.

"Can you play me something?" Josh asks, smiling excitedly at him, his eyes glimmering with a little taunt. 

Tyler's smile vanishes and he looks apprehensive of Josh again, and Josh really hoped this didn't send Tyler into another hazy state of silence. Josh had already prepared himself for that so when Tyler's quiet "okay" slips out, Josh looks up at him in surprise.

Tyler turns away from him so that he could face the piano directly and rests his fingers on the keys gently, his back so visibly rigid and tense even through the oversized hoodie. Tyler whispers something, too low for Josh to hear before he begins to play. 

It was a soft, melancholy melody, something Josh has never heard before. Tyler's fingers, which had been twitching and restless seconds before, were now moving ever so gracefully over the keys. Josh gawks at him as he continued to play because,  _holy shit_ , he hadn't expected him to actually be  _good_. It looked so effortless the way he was playing, but the emotion in the tune caused Josh's heart to wrench.

The soft melody gradually turned into something harsher, angrier, and Josh felt it echo into him and tell him to play along with it. His hands seem to move on their own accord as they picked up the drumsticks again, his body already itching with a beat he had to let out. It coursed through his body, through his veins, through his heart as if his body was meant to play along with Tyler's melody.

His foot presses down on the bass in accord to the harsh melody while his drumsticks tap at the snare and hi-hat in even turns. Tyler's melody gradually grew louder and angrier, and Josh matched the emotion on the drums, banging harder and harder - and wow, he could probably do this forever.

Tyler continues to play but turns his head around to look at Josh, and Josh didn't know how, but he just  _understood_ the look in Tyler's eyes, felt so in sync with him. He cuts off with a final tap to the crash, just as Tyler's melody returns to the original soft, slow tune that it started out as.

Josh didn't realize he had been holding his breath until the final note rings out, loud and strong, and starts to laugh breathlessly - Tyler joins him, just as breathless.

"Holy shit," Josh gasps out and Tyler beams back at him and nods. "That was-"

"I know," Tyler laughs. He sounds so out of breath but happy, Josh can't stop looking at him. Tyler sighs contentedly and rolls his sleeves up to his elbow to fan himself off.

"Dude, you're amazing," Josh says in awe, still surprised that Tyler could play the piano - actually play it and play it well! He sets his drumsticks down and walks over to sit down next to him again. "Why don't you ever play during class?"

Tyler shrugs. "I don't play in front of people unless I have to." His fingers hover over the keys a little nervously, but he smiles up at Josh a little teasingly. "Besides, your friends are always hogging it."

Josh snorts. That was the understatement of the century. Music class pretty much consisted of people fiddling around with any instruments they could get their hands on first, and even though Patrick and Brendon could play any instrument in the room they always gravitated towards the piano. They argued over whose turn it was to use it so acrimoniously, nobody dared to even look in the direction of the piano when Patrick and Brendon were around. 

"Well, you should play more often. You're incredible," Josh states earnestly and looks down at Tyler's fingers, long and thin, idly playing random keys.  _Bet those fingers would look just as good wrapped around my dick_ , he thinks and is about to start fantasizing more when his eyes land on a nasty bruise forming around Tyler's wrist. 

His eyebrows knit together, concern flowing through him again. His eyes continue to trail up Tyler's forearms and notice that they're  _covered_  in bruises and seem to continue under his hoodie. His stomach churns uneasily as he looks back up to Tyler's face. Tyler was still concentrated on the piano, smiling easily, totally oblivious to Josh's inspection.

Josh takes a closer look at the dark circles under his eyes. Tyler's left eye seemed to look darker and, wait, no, that wasn't a dark circle it was a  _black eye_. 

Tyler seems to finally sense Josh's gaze on him and he turns to face him. He raises an eyebrow questioningly. "What's wrong?"

"You're covered in bruises," Josh whispers. 

Tyler's eyes widen and he quickly pulls his sleeves back down. He stands up and almost trips over the piano bench as he shuffles away from Josh. He looks at Josh as if Josh was about to hurt him, and Josh felt the uneasiness in his stomach start to weigh him down. All he could do was look up at Tyler, asking a question with his eyes he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to. 

Tyler was no longer looking at him. Instead, he seemed to have gone into another spacey state. He was looking at everything and nothing at the same time. 

"Dude," Josh hesitates after finally finding his voice. He was unsure on how to continue, he just needed to know what was wrong. He was just about to ask when Tyler's phone ringing startles both of them.

Tyler jumps at the noise and the haziness in his expression vanishes completely when he looks at the screen. His face turns sheen white and his eyes get impossibly wider. 

"Shit," Tyler whisper-shouts before he answers the phone. He looked absolutely terrified and all Josh could do was sit and stare.

"Yes, sir?" Tyler answers but his voice broke a little. Josh hears the voice of a stern male yelling come from the other side of the line from where he's sitting and winces. "N-no, sir. I was just studying at Mark's house and took a walk after and -" more yelling "- Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir. I'll be right there." Tyler shuffles to pick his things up. He doesn't even give Josh a second glance as he rushes out of the room.

The door slams shut after him, leaving Josh alone in the band room.

What the fuck just happened?

Josh sits there for a while, still not believing what just happened. He checks his phone and curses silently. It was a little past one in the morning.

Josh felt agitated as he makes his way out of the school. He tries to reassure himself that whatever happened, as long as he saw Tyler in class the next day everything would be okay.

He was never that great at convincing himself.

* * *

Josh stands in front of his open locker the next day, groggily placing and taking out textbooks for the day. Last night had felt like a fever dream - he wasn't entirely sure whether it happened or not.

He slams his locker shut in hopes that maybe it would help in waking him up, but no such luck. He sighs and was about to head to his first class of the day, still trying to convince himself that he would see Tyler there and things would be fine when he's pushed forward several feet by the weight of someone jumping on his back.

"Morning, sleepy head," Ashley exclaims in a sing-song voice from on top of his back. She hugs his shoulders tightly. "Didn't think you were gonna make it today." 

Josh groans and tries his best to shake her off, but for such a small person, she was really fucking strong. Still, he couldn't help but smile. "Ash, you know, I prefer  _not_ to get ambushed so early in the morning."

Ashley laughs and bites down on his ear playfully before she slides off his back. "How else am I supposed to greet my best friend?"

Josh turns around to face her and rolls his eyes. "How 'bout like a normal person?" He ruffles her vibrantly blue hair and she swats at his hands. He laughs and looks up, not surprised to see Hayley round the corner of the hallway towards them.

"Normal's boring," Ashley scoffs. "I'd rather jump on your back."

Josh shakes his head but laughs. "Yeah, I know. I actually prefer that, too."

"Yo," Hayley greets them and gives Josh a hug before standing next to Ashely's side. She presses a quick kiss to her lips and links their pinkies together. "How's it going, Dun? Anything exciting happen at band practice last night?" she teases and flashes a bright smile.

Tyler's bruises resurface back into Josh's mind and he had to physically shake his head to get rid of them. He grimaces, the uneasiness settles itself back into his stomach. "Actually, yeah," he lowers his voice. "But I'll tell you guys at lunch, okay?"

Josh wasn't sure if he should share last night's events with anyone - they seemed too private, too intimate, and none of Josh's information to disclose. But he'd be lying to himself if he said that he didn't need someone to talk to about this, get advice on what to do.

Ashley grimaces. "You want us to wait 'til  _lunch_?" 

"It's okay, babe," Hayley reassures her. "That's only two classes away."

"I guess," Ashley grumbles but gives Josh a look of real concern. "Is everything alright?" 

Josh bites his lip and shakes his head. "Honestly? I have no idea. I'll know once first period is over."

Hayley raises an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

"You'll see at lunch," Josh promises as the warning bell rang. Hayley and Ashely share a look, but Josh just waves goodbye and rushes off to class before they could ask anything else.

He needed to know that Tyler was alright, needed the reassurance of seeing him in class and that maybe he had just imagined the bruises and the black eye. 

Patrick and Brendon greet him when he walks into class and tells them the same thing he told Ashley and Hayley after they ask about his late night drumming session.

Tyler never shows up to class that day. 


	2. Addict With A Pen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit you guys thanks so much for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks?!?!?!? i never expected this story to really get any attention, thanks so much omggffgf you guys are great ily guys  
> 

"So, I was eating Hayley out the other night," Ashley broadcasts nonchalantly and takes a bite out of her pizza, humming happily. A few people from the table next to them turn to glare and roll their eyes at her, but Ashley doesn't seem to notice or care. Hayley smiles amusedly but elbows her gently in chastisement.  

Josh loves Ashley and Hayley. He really does. But he'd really prefer _not_  to hear about their sex life every day during lunch. Especially since it reminded him of how much sex he  _wasn't_ having. 

Everyone at the table (Patrick, Pete, Brendon, and Dallon) groan in unison and wait for her to continue.

She does not.

"Oh, my god. Ashley. Please. At least  _go_ somewhere with it," Brendon breathes out in exasperation. 

Hayley rolls her eyes. "Oh,  _please_ , Brendon. Last week I had to sit through all of math listening to you go on and on about the-" she lowers her voice slightly, but makes it extra exaggerated, "- _sweet, sweet taste of Dallon's dick_." She brings her voice back up to normal and shrugs as she takes another bite out of her pizza, leaning onto her giggling girlfriend. "I think you can handle a few vagina implications every once in a while." 

"Wait, he does  _what_?" Dallon hisses. Patrick and Pete stifle a laugh.

Ashley nods. "Mr. Ross isn't at all impressed by it."

Josh blinks and turns to look at Brendon, waiting for his comeback. Brendon just scowls, leans against Dallon (whose face was now on the table) and clicks his tongue. "Fair enough, I guess."

"Why do you talk about my dick during class anyway?" Dallon mutters and raises his head to look at Brendon.

Brendon smiles at him sweetly and pats his cheek. "I just can't help it, babe. Your dick is the best. Like right now, I wanna take you to the bathroom and suck-"

"Okay, okay," Hayley interrupts and waves her hands for him to stop. "Enough with the dick talk." 

Pete pouts. "I was just about to bring up Patrick's amazing skills at-"

"No, no, no," Patrick rushes and places a hand over Pete's mouth, who keeps talking animatedly around Patrick's hand, voice coming out sounding muffled. "I think Josh was just about to share his news with us," he talks over Pete and looks over at Josh desperately. "Right?" 

Josh isn't really listening to what's going on, truthfully; too lost in his thoughts about Tyler and where he was, how he was doing, and  _god_ was he okay.

First period seemed to drag on for a lifetime. He'd spent all class gazing nervously over at Tyler's seat as if staring at it long enough would cause Tyler to magically materialize in front of him and everything would be okay. 

It didn't happen of course. And it totally bummed Josh out. 

Brendon and Patrick were too busy fiddling around with the piano to notice his distress. Josh hadn't minded, though. He loved being a masochist and suffering alone with his thoughts. Though, at one point during class, Patrick had played a melody so similar to the one Tyler had played the night before Josh had felt both hopeful and disdained at hearing it.

And, alright, he knew it was ridiculous of him to be so upset over this. It wasn't like he and Tyler were even  _friends._ He should just move on and forget about it. All of this wasn't any of his business anyway.

Except, it kind of  _was_.

He saw the way Tyler had broken down the night before and he couldn't in good faith just sit around and do nothing about it. But, really, what could he actually do? It wasn't as if he could reach out to Tyler and ask him about it. Not being able to do anything about it, or being able to even find out if Tyler was alright, was eating him from the inside out. 

"Josh? Joooosssshhhh? Earth to Josh," Ashley calls out and elbows him in his side. 

"Dude,  _ow,_ " he gripes and rubs at his side. He looks up, not having realized he had zoned out and had been staring at his food the whole time. Everyone is staring back at him. Confusion and worry written all over their faces. Shit, how long had they been waiting for him to say something?

"You okay, man?" Pete asks slowly. "You seem really out of it." 

Dallon nods in agreement. "Is it because of something that happened last night? What you wanted to talk to us about?" 

"Yes," Josh responds automatically and mentally slaps himself. He still wasn't sure if he should tell his friends what had happened with Tyler. It felt too... intimate of a thing to share. He didn't want to go around announcing that Tyler, the basketball team captain, was sleeping in the music room after hours, covered in bruises.

His stomach does an agitated flop remembering that.

"What happened?" Brendon presses on and takes a bite out of his pizza.

They're all looking at him expectantly, ready for whatever it was that he had been hyping up all day. Josh panics but blurts out the first thing that pops into his mind.   

"I, uh, ripped another shirt yesterday," he says lamely, deciding that even if he did tell his friends what had happened the night before there wasn't much they could do to help either.

They all blink at him and wait for him to continue. After a few more seconds, Josh clears his throat awkwardly. "That's it."

"That's  _it_?" Pete exclaims incredulously. "Dude! You hyped this up all morning and that's all that happened?"

Everyone at the table murmurs their agreement and Josh feels his face heating up, feeling totally lame and dumb for not coming up with something better. But he just wasn't ready to talk about Tyler. Not yet. Even if he felt something was absolutely wrong.

"Yeah," Josh mutters and everyone shoots him an exasperated glance but they shrug it off quickly. Not thinking too much about his strange behavior, they decide to change the subject. 

"Big hype, big let down," Patrick grumbles as Pete launches into a conversation with Brendon and Hayley about how hot Mr. Way from Home-Ec was. But he, Ashley and Dallon give him a wary look, not totally convinced with his story.

"Are you sure everything's alright?" Ashley whispers and she places her hand over his in reassurance. Josh feels his body relax a little at the touch, but his anxiety doesn't disappear. Patrick and Dallon eye him carefully as if trying to will the truth to be written on his face and, goddammit, Josh feels like a total asshole for lying (well, not  _lying -_ just not sharing the whole truth) to his best friends. 

"Totally," Josh smiles and makes a grab at Ashely's brownie. She yelps and swats at his hands, trying to get it back. "Everything's a-okay," he gives them a thumbs up. Patrick and Dallon eye him warily but sigh, giving him one last look meaning "You can talk to us if you want", before giving him a small smile. They turn around and jump back into the others' conversation. ("I'd 100% get on my knees if Mr. Way asked me to." "Pete,  _what_?") 

"You would tell me?" Ashley asks him carefully after getting her brownie back. Her hand's back to holding his softly and Josh has to turn away from the sincere look of worry she's giving him. "If anything was wrong, you'd tell me, right?"

Her voice is filled with so much concern and sincerity, Josh almost gives in and tells her the truth. 

Almost.

"Of course," he smiles, giving her hand a small squeeze before taking it back to ruffle her hair; his favorite thing to do. She swats at his hand and sticks out her tongue, but Josh can still the reluctance to his words behind them. "You guys are my best friends, Ash. I'd tell you everything."

She smiles, finally looking relieved with his answer, and Josh smiles back, giving her hair another ruffle. She plants a kiss on his cheek before turning around and grabbing Hayley's face, kissing her fully on the lips. 

"Jeez, get a room," Brendon teases and Ashley flips him off, smirking as her lips move against Hayley's, who's giggling into the kiss and pulling her closer. 

Josh takes this moment to glance over at the basketball team's table, situated right in the middle of the cafeteria, to search for Tyler and hoping that maybe, just maybe, he had ditched first period and everything was okay.

But just like that morning, there's no sight of him. 

* * *

 "Mark! Hey, Mark!"

Josh races to catch up with him, zigzagging his way through the horde of students trying to make their way out of school. He almost trips, but catches himself just in time and keeps running after Mark.

He doesn't actually  _know_ what he's going to say to him. He's never said so much as a word to him before - and not because people thought he was weird and a geek; Josh just never knew what the hell to say to the kid. 

He had seen Mark out of the corner of his eye as he was placing books into his locker and his brain had automatically thought,  _Tyler_. And, hey, maybe Mark knew something about why he wasn't at school today. Or maybe he didn't and Josh was just being an even bigger loser. It was worth a shot either way. He had nothing to lose.

"Mark!" Josh pants as he finally catches up to him.

Mark turns around, surprised to see Josh Dun out of breath. After chasing after him. He holds his video camera tightly to his chest.  

"What do you want?" he asks reluctantly. 

"Um," he breathes out, still trying to regain his breath  _and_ trying to think of the right thing to say without sounding creepy and desperate. "Where does Tyler live?"

What? 

What????

_What???????_

Mark eyes him distrustfully and frowns. "Why do  _you_ want to know?" 

 _Fuck_. Josh really hadn't thought this whole thing through.  _Great going, Dun_ , he thinks to himself and shakes his head. 

He runs a hand through his pink hair nervously. "Well, you see, he's uh, um...  _we're_ partners for this project in music class and, well, he wasn't in class today and I was just, shit, uh, you know... Since you're friends with him and all. Uh, do you know where he is?" he stutters throughout the whole thing and feels his face heating up. He was smooth. So fucking smooth. 

Mark gives him a blank stare before turning around to walk away. 

"Hey, wait! Mark, come on," Josh sighs and tries to think of something better to say. Anything. "I- I saw his bruis-"

Mark whips around so fast, Josh is actually pretty impressed, and clamps a hand over Josh's mouth. Mark glares at him and he's surprised at how intimidating this whole situation is. 

The crowd of kids is dwindling down. They're pretty much the only ones left in the hallway, besides a few random kids still placing things in their locker, but they pay them no attention. 

"Don't just go around shouting that," Mark hisses and removes his hand from Josh's face. 

"Sorry," Josh says. He feels mortified. And like an idiot. A mortified idiot. Mark has every right to be pissed, but if he was being honest, his glare was actually beginning to scare the hell out of him. "I'm just..." Josh sighs and runs a hand through his hair again, "...so fucking worried about him."

Mark's glare softens. His eyes look sympathetic and it makes Josh feel like a complete loser. Mark sighs and fiddles with the strap of his video camera for a couple of seconds before speaking up again. "Look, he's alright. Okay? He always is. No matter what his parents throw at him." He gives him a small smile, but it comes out looking more like a grimace. 

Before Josh can ask anything else, like  _How the hell can you be so sure?, What do you mean 'No matter what his parents throw at him'?,_ and  _Is Tyler dating anyone? Asking for a friend,_  Mark turns around and practically runs out of the school.

Josh stands there, dumbfounded. He's the last one left in the hallway.  

He runs a hand down his face and sighs, long and loud, before adjusting his backpack and walking out of school.

* * *

Josh is surprised to hear soft music emit from the room as he opens the door to the music room. It's nine at night, or nine in the afternoon as Brendon would say (which makes no sense, because nine doesn't happen in the afternoon, Dallon would refute) and Josh had managed to not rip any more clothing making his way onto school grounds - a miracle. 

It's dark, so Josh can't see who's sitting at the piano playing, but his heart speeds up in excitement, hoping it's who he thinks it is. 

He's about to call out, make his presence known, but suddenly there's a voice accompanying the melancholy melody. He can't make out the words the person is saying exactly; the voice is much too soft and low for him to almost hear at all, but he catches a few bits and pieces of the words that are being almost whispered like a secret.

_... I haven't been the best of sons..._

_... desert of my mind..._

_... drop of water..._

Josh knows it's Tyler. Had recognized it as him the minute he heard the solemn notes flood his ears, of course, but he's so excited, so  _happy_ to know that he's here, that he's  _okay_. He just stands there transfixed to his spot as he listens to Tyler continue on with the song. 

Like last night, it's nothing Josh has ever heard. It's so  _sad,_ so  _somber_. It hits him in all the right places. 

He closes his eyes and leans back against the door, his fingers tapping a beat out against the frame at their own accord as Tyler continues playing.

The song steadily grows stronger and Tyler's voice gets a little louder, both in volume and in emotion, and before he knows it, Josh is gravitating towards his drums; a perfect rhythm already transpiring inside of him. 

Tyler either doesn't seem to notice or care as Josh begins to play along with him. He's too concentrated on the lyrics and notes he's playing to pay attention to anything else. Josh licks his lips and closes his eyes again, letting Tyler's voice guide his movements.

Josh is so into the beat he's playing on the drums he doesn't notice when Tyler stops singing softly. He opens his eyes after a while, surprised to find Tyler seemingly twitching and semi-spasming on his seat at the piano bench. Josh finally realizes Tyler's no longer singing - instead he's talking loudly and quickly. Spitting words out as if they were venom. So much emotion lacing each and every word, Josh doesn't know what else to do but match it on the drums.

"Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today; end of my ways as a walking denial. My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case-"

Josh falters slightly as he takes in the words, but continues playing. He's still looking at Tyler, both in awe and worry, as he continues to play. Tyler's hunched over the piano. No hoodie to cover him up this time. Every emotion, every movement feels so raw, Josh hits the drums harder. His chest tightens and it's a little harder to breathe, but he keeps going. 

"You hear me screaming 'Father!' and I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water." His voice breaks on the last word, and he begins to abruptly hit random keys on the piano, not even trying to make a tune anymore - just banging on any notes his fingers land on. 

"Fuck, fuck," Tyler whisper-shouts and brings his hands up to twist in his hair. His fingers dig into his scalp and pull at his hair tightly as he begins to shake uncontrollably. 

Josh drops his drumsticks instantly and hurries over to Tyler's shaking form, sitting down next to him on the piano bench and placing his hands gently on his shoulders. "Hey,  _hey_ ," he says urgently but Tyler's eyes seem to be looking straight through him again; glassy and fogged over simultaneously like the night before, focusing on everything and nothing. He's still twitching uncontrollably under Josh's touch and,  _shit_ , what the fuck does he do. 

Tyler's bruises look worse than the day before. His black eye had turned into a dark, purplish blue shade. It makes Josh feel like throwing up. He loosens his grip on Tyler's shoulders, suddenly aware and terrified that he might be touching more unseen bruises underneath, and tries to think of what to do.

Tyler's hyperventilating now, chest heaving jaggedly as each breath forces it's way out of his trembling mouth. There are tears streaming down his face, causing his eyes to look even glossier and ghostly. Josh doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to do, so he tries to just talk to him.

"Tyler, dude, it's- it's alright. It's okay, you're okay," Josh says but it sounds more like a desperate plea than anything else and he feels like a useless idiot for not being able to do something to help the crying boy in front of him.

Tyler's breath is coming out in shorter, quicker pants and Josh knows that if Tyler keeps on like that he's going to pass out. Josh searches Tyler's eyes, desperately seeking an answer in them but finding none. Josh breathes in shakily. He needs to do something about Tyler's breathing he continues to think, and before he knows it, his body is already moving. 

He grabs Tyler's face gently, closes his eyes and leans forward until his lips are firmly pressed against his. 

Tyler stills completely.

He's not hyperventilating anymore,  which is a good thing and what Josh was going for, but he's also not breathing anymore, which is a bad thing and not what Josh was going for.

Tyler's completely rigid under his touch and Josh's mind finally seems to catch up with his body's actions. He jumps back from Tyler, gasping out apologies. 

"Holy shit. Holy shit, Tyler I'm so sorry, that-"

Tyler's hands grab the back of Josh's head and pull him back in before Josh can even finish his sentence. Their lips crash back together so hard, Josh feels the stinging of a bruise. Their teeth clack against each other and Josh thinks,  _ow_ , and frankly, it's not a nice kiss. It's sloppy, desperate and all over the place, but  _Tyler Joseph_ is  _kissing him_.  _Voluntarily_. So his brain just sort of turns off and he kisses him back.

Tyler's lips move desperately against Josh's, pulling him in closer and closer, silently begging for more. He's making soft, quiet noises and Josh hungrily thinks,  _more please_ , and runs his tongue along Tyler's bottom lip. Tyler moans softly and opens his mouth and, shit, shit, shit. His dick springs to life, reacting appreciatively to the fucked up situation. He wants more of Tyler.  _Needs_ more.

He reaches up to rest a hand gently on Tyler's chest and that seems to zap something in Tyler. His lips are no longer moving against his and he moves away from Josh as if he had been electrocuted. 

Josh opens his eyes slowly. Tyler's looking back at him, his eyes wild and terrified and Josh wants to say  _something_ but his brain doesn't want to cooperate. 

Tyler immediately stands up and runs out of the room, leaving Josh alone again like the night before. 

He lets his head fall against the piano keys, not caring about the protesting, discordant sounds they groan into the dark, silent room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watched [this video](http://joslndun.tumblr.com/post/101024754981/odetsleep-tyler-joseph-shows-something-that-im)for inspiration for this chapter and :-) everytime i watch it i die a little inside :-)


	3. Message Man

Whoever claimed cold showers were guaranteed to work 100% of the time were liars. Unmitigated liars.

Every time Josh thought he had cooled down enough to finally get out, images of his kiss with Tyler resurfaced and flooded his mind (groin). He was sure he was going to end up getting hypothermia in here with how much time he had spent under the cold spray. Why was his dick so against him. 

Josh sighs and shuts the water off. Fuck it. He was going to feel terrible either way. He wraps a hand around his shaft and lets his head fall forward so that it's leaning against the wall under the shower head. He moans in relief and begins to slowly jerk himself off, memories of Tyler already at the front of his mind. He bites his lip as he swipes his thumb over his tip, a soft gasp escaping his lips causing his movements to get faster and more erratic as he recalls the feel of Tyler's lips moving against his; how soft they felt, how desperately Tyler kept pulling him forward, and Tyler's _moans_ , holy  _shit_. 

"Tyler," Josh breaths out shakily and comes embarrassingly fast. He braces his other hand against the wall, trying his best to keep himself up as wave after wave of pleasure rolls off of him and onto the shower floor.

He was a horrible person. A horrible, horrible person.

He regains his breath after a few seconds and turns the water back on; watching sheepishly as his come circles down the shower drain, washing away all evidence of what he'd just done. He takes another quick shower - feeling unduly guilty and dirty. Pleasuring himself to the memory of a (very) religious guy he kissed in the middle of an emotional breakdown? If he wasn't going to hell before he definitely was now. 

It wasn't until he was back in his bed (and his dick finally seemed to be content) that he began to really think about Tyler before the kiss had happened.

He had been playing another unknown song just like the night before. And, just like the night before, it sounded incredible. His voice was so soft and melodic, but at the same time so raw and full of passion. Josh was still in awe.

Then he began thinking about Tyler's breakdown and how he had started crying after his last verse. How he had begun to shake uncontrollably and seemed so lost and broken and,  _god_ , Josh got goosebumps just thinking about it. His bruises were slowly beginning to turn into a nasty yellow-ish, greenish-ish shade, making them even more noticeable. Josh grimaces as he remembers how disconcerting the whole situation really is. 

What was Tyler hiding? And why was he so scared? 

Josh desperately needed to know. 

* * *

"Your color's fading," Ashley murmurs as she runs a hand through Josh's pink hair. They're sitting down in the cafeteria eating breakfast before the bell for first-period rings.

"Your fingers are sticky with maple syrup," Josh whines and leans away from her. Ashley smiles evilly and waves her sticky fingers in front of his face. "Ash, dude,  _please_ ," he pleads, seeing the malicious intent gleam in her eyes. Hayley sighs and weaves her arm around Ashley's waist, pulling her against her chest. Josh breathes out in relief and thanks her. Hayley simply throws him her own devilish smile and Josh gulps, scooting away from them slightly.

"Babe, you're going at it all wrong." She grabs one of the many maple syrup packets sitting on the table and rips it open with her teeth. She hands it over to Ashley. "You gotta go  _all_ in if you want to cause the most damage."

"Fuck, I love you," Ashley grins excitedly and plants a chaste kiss to her cheek before turning back to Josh. She waggles her eyebrows at him and she looks ridiculous doing so, but the packet she waves around in his face is nothing but menacing. He scoots farther away from her.

"Ash...you don't have to do this..."

"I know, but I want to." She's about to squeeze the maple syrup all over his hair (and why was Josh taking this; why didn't he just get up and leave?) right when someone's hand shoots out and stops her. They all look up, expecting it to be either Patrick or Dallon (Pete and Brendon would have just laughed and joined in on the torture), but are surprised to be met with -

"Mark?" Josh raises an eyebrow. 

Mark shifts awkwardly from foot to foot and fidgets with his camera, seemingly not comfortable with everyone looking at him. "Can I talk to you?" he murmurs and looks down at his feet.

Ashley and Hayley gape at Mark, as if not believing he was actually there. _Talking_ to them. Josh can read their faces as they turn back to face him, confusion and wonder written all over.  _What the hell does the weird Eshleman kid want with you?_

"Uh, yeah, sure. No problem," Josh nods and stands up.

"Can you maybe let go of my girlfriend's hand first?" Hayley asks amusedly. Mark's cheeks turn a light shade of pink and looks at his hand, still wrapped around Ashley's wrist, and drops it instantly. 

"Sorry," he mutters.

"S'okay," Ashley smiles and pats his arm. Mark's cheeks turn red at this, but she doesn't seem to notice as she glances at Josh impishly. "I'll get Josh next time."

Mark shifts from foot to foot nervously again and gives Josh a look before nodding his head in the direction of the hallway outside the cafeteria. Josh gives him a small nod and waves goodbye to his best friends. "See you at lunch, alright?" They nod and as Mark begins to make his way outside, they throw him another puzzled look. Josh just shrugs and feigns his own look of uncertainty. "I'll tell you guys at lunch," he mouths at them and feels guilty, because he already knows that no, he won't. He turns around and tries to catch up with Mark. Geez, the kid was fast.

The hall is completely deserted as they saunter into it and Josh looks around apprehensively. It was weird how safe he felt here alone at night, but during the day it was just _creepy._  

"Look, if it's about yesterday I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bombarded you like that-" Josh starts but Mark shakes his head.

"No, it's not about that," Mark assures him, but then grimaces. "Well, sorta. But it mainly has something to do with what happened last night."  

Josh raises an eyebrow. "Um. I didn't see you last night."

"Duh." Mark rolls his eyes. "I meant what happened between you and Tyler."

Josh's heart skips a beat. Mark couldn't possibly be referencing the kiss, could he? Had Tyler told Mark? Oh, god, had Tyler told him? 

"What about it?" he asks slowly after he feels like he can breathe again. Mark is totally oblivious to his distress. 

"Don't-" Mark sighs and rubs at his temple tiredly. "Please, don't tell anyone, okay?"

He feels a twinge of annoyance at that. "Tell anybody  _what_ exactly?" Mark seems to suddenly be very fascinated with his camera lens. "Mark," Josh sighs and waits for him to say something. A few more seconds pass and he turns to walk away.

"You kissed him!" Mark blurts out and groans. "Shit," he mutters and looks anxiously around the empty hallway. 

Josh's dick jumps at the memory again, but he does his best to disregard it. He turns around to face Mark again and frowns. So Tyler  _did_ tell him. And he was making it seem like it was all Josh's doing.

"He kissed me, too," Josh states and crosses his arms. "And why shouldn't I tell anyone?" He was never planning to anyway, he wasn't _that_ much of an asshole, but being told not to was sort of making him want to. 

Mark fiddles with his video camera before answering. "Just... please don't." The small twinge of annoyance Josh felt earlier was now a slowly growing throb.

"Why are you the one telling me this? Why couldn't Tyler have come and talked to me? What are you, his message man or something?"

Mark tears his focus away from his camera and glares at him. "No. It's just you and your friends... have a certain..." Mark makes some weird, random hand motions as he searches for the right word to use, "...reputation. At school. Everyone would talk about you and Tyler being seen talking. There'd be rumors everywhere! But me? Nobody cares about me or what I do. I'm pretty much invisible." Mark lowers his gaze and Josh feels sorry for him, but doesn't say anything. He'd be a hypocrite if he did; he didn't notice until a week ago that he and Mark shared four classes together. 

He furrows his brows and leans back until he's resting against the lockers. Of course he knew about the "reputation" he and his friends had around school, and pretty much the whole town. Being openly gay in a very conservative environment wasn't exactly easy, but at least they had each other. He knew all the names people called them behind their backs - and sometimes even spat to their faces - but he was used to it. Sort of. It didn't faze him as much anymore at least.

So he understands what Mark's hinting at. Tyler was the head of the basketball team. His parents were active church goers and members of the PTA committee so they were well informed of everything that happened at school. Josh was pretty sure the phrase ' _no homo_ ' originated from his family. He sees where Mark's coming from, he really does. It doesn't make him any less mad or upset.

"Does anyone besides you know?" Josh asks warily. Mark shakes his head.

"Tyler doesn't even know I'm here talking to you," Mark answers and then hesitates. "I'm just really worried about him. His parents are... really Christian. If you know what I mean." Mark chews on his lip. "If they found out about, you know, I- I don't know what else they'd do to him."

"What do you mean ' _what else they'd do to him_ ' ?" Josh asks, and then faintly, "You mean they're - the bruises, that was _them_? " 

Mark gives him a sharp nod before Josh can continue. Josh leans his head back against the lockers, suddenly feeling lightheaded. He places his hands against the lockers to balance himself.  _Shit_ , so all the bruises Tyler had... Why had no one gone to the police, or _anyone_ , about this?

"Why?" Josh whispers and he wants to say more, but his mind doesn't seem to want to work today.

"Shit," Mark grits his teeth. "Shit, shit, I said too much. It's not my business to say. It's no one's but Tyler's." He looks at Josh reproachfully. "Please, don't tell anyone about this. Any of this." He turns and makes his way back into the cafeteria before Josh can respond.

Josh is still trying to catch his breath and steady himself as the warning bells rings.

* * *

"Dude, we know you have a crush, but I think staring at him without blinking is the opposite of subtle," Brendon mumbles and pokes his side.

Josh bats his hand away and steals a few more glances at Tyler before turning around to face him and Patrick.

"Shuttup," he mutters back and Brendon smirks at the comeback. "I just didn't think he'd be here today, s'all." And he really didn't. He knew Tyler couldn't stay away from school forever, but after last night... He just thought Tyler might've needed another day off.

He was the first person Josh had noticed as he made his way into first period. There he was, sitting silently at his desk and fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. His black eye was starting to fade into a nasty yellow color and Josh was sure the rest of his hidden bruises were too. His heart leapt weakly at this, both at seeing Tyler in class and at the remembrance of the conversation he had just had with Mark, but Tyler didn't even look in his direction.  

"Why not?" Patrick asks curiously. He's giving Josh  _that look_ again. The one he had given him the day before during lunch. The one that meant he was totally unconvinced with Josh's truth, but he wouldn't press on unless he knew Josh was in trouble. It was both heartwarming and annoying. 

Josh can't think of anything to say so he just shrugs. Patrick raises an unimpressed eyebrow eyebrow at him but doesn't pry. Josh is so thankful for Patrick Stump. He turns his attention back to Tyler, who's currently bent over a notebook scribbling, as Brendon and Patrick launch into an argument over who's better: Kanye West or Frank Sinatra. It gets to the point where Mr. Hurley has to banish them to different corners of the room before it gets too out of hand.

He also takes away their piano rights for a few days. (Josh could've sworn he saw a tear in Brendon's eye.)

* * *

"Hey!" Josh calls out after first period ends but Tyler doesn't turn around to face him. Josh's legs seem to have a mind of their own as he speed walks after him. Patrick and Brendon trail behind him.

"Josh!" he hears Patrick call, but Josh ignores him. He keeps making his way to Tyler, not really sure what he was planning on saying. He had to work on that.

"Tyler!" He rests a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Everything seems likes it's going in slow motion now. Everyone around them in the hall stops what they're doing to around and look at them. Josh feels his face heating up.  _What was he doing exactly?_

Tyler looks at Josh's hand on his shoulder and Josh quickly retracts it. His black eye looks even more awful up close in the day and Josh, being the awful person that he was, can't stop thinking about (and looking at) Tyler's lips. And, hey, when did a crowd start to form around them? 

"Uh," he says lamely. Damn, words were really failing him today. 

"I don't know who you are or what you want, but I'm going to be late for class if I wait for you to finally say something," Tyler announces, a little too loudly. Josh stands there with his mouth slightly open as Tyler turns around and walks away without another word or glance. 

The people in the hallway start snickering as Josh shoulders his backpack and turns to walk the opposite way. God, he wishes the ground would just open up and swallow him. What was he thinking running up to Tyler in public like that? What angle was he even going for? 

Patrick and Brendon rush up to him. They're talking to him, but Josh has trouble understanding what they're saying as they usher him to their next class. 

"Dun has a crush on Joseph," he hears somebody whisper.

"What a faggot," another person giggles back. Brendon flips them off, but that only makes them laugh harder. 

Josh wishes the hallways were as empty as they were at night.

* * *

He decides not to go to school that night; afraid that he'd see Tyler there, afraid that he wouldn't. 

He doesn't know which is worse. 

* * *

Saturday and Sunday consist of nothing but Josh trying to catch up on his homework. He really had been slacking off (he blames it on his intense case of senioritis) even though a month had barely passed since school started.

"Fuck you," Josh curses down at his math book and closes it with a loud thud, deciding to move on to English instead. Their teachers were piling on way too much work. It was starting to feel like they all had secret meetings where they planned out what days they should all give out homework and assignments. He was pretty sure the teacher's room was just a pit of hell fire. Pure evil. 

Before he knows it, it's Monday again. Josh decides to dedicate the whole week to school work, because he sure as hell wasn't about to screw up his chances of getting into a good college. He doesn't go practice drums after school, but takes up tapping his pencil in class (and everywhere he goes) instead to make up for it, much to everyone's annoyance. Patrick and Brendon don't bring up the hallway incident again and Josh feels very thankful for that. It's pretty pathetic, he knows, but he wasn't about to go back to the music room after school hours if there was a chance Tyler was going to be there. 

He's still hung up on the kiss and the way Tyler had ignored him which is ridiculous, he tries to tell himself. It wasn't like he was expecting anything big to come from one uncalled for kiss. It wasn't like kissing Tyler Joseph was suddenly going to change everything. The people in his school would continue to be homophobic, his friends would still be shunned outcasts, and he still wouldn't have a drum set of his own that he could practice with at any time he wanted.

Life was looking pretty bleak.

Which sucked because senior year held so much promising potential. It meant, A) he would get to leave high school and, B) leave for college. And he couldn't enjoy any of those things because of all the work and pressure his teachers and parents were placing on him. And he could at least try and hang out with his friends, but every time they asked him to he lied and said he had other plans. It was all Tyler's fault. Screw him.

So he was very surprised when Ashley and Hayley barge into his room and throw themselves on him on Sunday morning. 

"What the fuck," Josh mumbles into his pillow. Ashley and Hayley settle themselves on his back and grin excitedly. "How'd you guys get in here?" 

"Momma Dun let us in," Hayley chirps and Ashley jumps a little, rocking Josh into the bed uncomfortably. "You know it's been so long since we've been in your house," she pouts.

"Not long enough," Josh says under his breath. Ashley ruffles his hair and laughs.

"You love us. Now come on, get up. We're gonna turn your hair blue."

Josh stays still. Maybe if he pretended he went back to sleep...

"If you don't get up we're gonna make out. Right here. On top of you."

 _They wouldn't_ , Josh thinks and continues to feign sleep.

"Suit yourself," he hears Ashley sigh and then, silence. 

The quietness stretches on for a couple of minutes and if it weren't for their combined weight above him, he could've convinced himself they had left. But then he hears Ashley moan and he scrambles to shake them off.

"Okay! Okay! I'm up!" Josh breathes out and ends up knocking everyone down to the floor in his hurry to get out of bed. "Shit,  _ow_." Ashley's sprawled across his chest, Hayley's entangled in his legs and,  _shit,_ Ashley's elbows were really digging into his ribs. It was a messy pile of limbs and pain.

"You ass!" Hayley and Ashley protest at the same time. They turn to look at each other and smile endearingly. "Awe," they coo at each other. 

Josh rolls his eyes and twists his body to try and shake them off him. It ends up as disastrous as the first attempt and only ends up with more limbs getting tangled and some very awkward positions. 

"Wow, Dun, please have some decency. My girlfriend is literally right there."

"Oh, my god shut up." 

A few more awkward positions (and some breakfast, his mom had insisted) later they're all huddled inside his tiny bathroom, hair dye boxes littering the floor. Josh is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, Ashley behind him trying her best to part his hair into sections with gloved hands and Hayley's sitting on top of the sink counter mixing the dye together. Josh smiles and leans back against Ashley, totally relaxed. God, it had been such a long time since they'd hung out. He forgot how much he missed their company. 

"Hey," Ashley starts as she continues to part Josh's hair, "wouldn't it be cool if we all dyed our hair blue?" 

"Your hair's already blue, babe. And Josh is already doing his blue, too," Hayley says. She passes the dye bottle she had been shaking over to Josh as she prepares another mixture for herself and Ashley.

"Yeah, but, like, what if you dyed your hair blue too? That'd be pretty rad." Josh hands her the dye mixture and she starts applying it to his roots. The chemicals begin to burn and make his scalp itch, but he tries his best not to scratch. "We can match again! Like that time we all dyed our hair like the Powerpuff girls!" 

"You know, my siblings still don't let me live that down," Josh says.

"Awe, Blossom can't handle some teasing from his little brother and sisters?" Hayley smirks playfully at him and he sticks out his tongue back at her. She turns her attention back to Ashley and shrugs. "I'm down. I was getting tired with this orange anyway." Ashley clasps her hands together and laughs giddily. Josh can't help but laugh.

"You're such a dork," he giggles and she punches his shoulder playfully.

"Shuttup." She continues to spread the mixture through his roots and then begins to apply it to the rest of his hair. Josh risks it and scratches his head a little bit. Ashley swats his hand away and Hayley giggles. "But, hey I feel like we haven't had an actual conversation in forever. What's up with you?"

Hayley nods along from her perch on the counter and begins to shake the last bottle of hair dye. "Yeah, dude. We see you at school but you've been in full on zombie mood this whole past week. What's wrong?" 

Josh grimaces and shakes his head. "Hey!" Ashley whines as blue dye splatters onto her shirt. 

"Just stressed. S'all," Josh lies nonchalantly. He feels guilty for lying to them again, he really does, but he doesn't want to have to explain that the reason he was zoned out was because he couldn't stop thinking about Tyler Joseph. That was just way too lame and desperate. 

"Bullshit," Ashley states simply and gives his hair a gentle tug. "Something happened last week during your late night drumming session and you've been prancing around the truth ever since." 

"You don't usually go zombie mood unless we've gone to a really good concert or failed an exam," Hayley points out. "And we've done neither so what's up?" 

"Nothing," he lies again.

Ashley finishes applying the dye to his hair and throws her gloves into the trash before moving away from him to stand beside her girlfriend. They cross their arms and give him a gentle but stern look.

Damn. He hated when they did their lesbian team up. They were always right.

Their tone doesn't really leave room for discussion and at the same time it's so reassuring; there's so much on Josh's mind he can't stop the words from flowing out of his mouth like a broken faucet. Everything comes rushing out of him and it feels so great to vent, like a weight has been lifted from his shoulder with each word.

He tells them about finding a sleeping Tyler in the music room, how he played with him, how they had kissed, and the way Tyler ignored him. By the time he's finished he's completely out of breath and a little lightheaded. 

Hayley and Ashley stand there in silence, a little shell-shocked, and, god, Josh hopes they say something soon because this is really awkward.

Finally, after what feels like forever, Ashley speaks up.

"Wait, Tyler Joseph? Captain of the basketball team, Tyler Joseph? Holy Christian, Mr. My-Life-Is-Perfect, No Homo, Tyler Joseph? The guy you've been crushing on for  _ages_ , Tyler Joseph?" Ashley looks at him in disbelief. "Are you sure? I mean, not to burst your bubble, but he's, like, the straightest guy. Ever." 

Hayley elbows her in the side gently. "Ash, that's really the one thing you choose to focus on?"

"Sorry, it's just, that's a huge part of his story. He  _made out_ with  _Tyler Joseph_." She looks dazed and Josh can't blame her. He still feels that way too. "But, god, what a fucking dick move he pulled. He said he didn't know you? In front of everyone?" He gives her a small nod.

"Um, so who's next?" he asks awkwardly and stands up. 

"Don't you dare try and change the subject." Hayley points a finger at him but sits down on the edge of the bathtub anyway. 

"Wait, so that time Mark came and talked to you..." Ashley lets her sentence drift off as she grabs new gloves and begins to section off Hayley's hair. 

Josh nods and frowns. "Yep. He told me not to tell anyone about what happened between me and Tyler." 

"Why?" Hayley asks and scratches at her head as Ashley begins to apply the dye. She gives her hand a small smack and Hayley whines before retracting it.

Josh bites his bottom lip. He hasn't told them about the bruises and breakdown yet and he's not sure if he should. Not that everyone at school hadn't already seen the black eye, but they formulated their own ideas on how that happened. (The most popular one was that Tyler had gotten into a fight with a member of a rival basketball team for trying to chat up the head cheerleader, Jenna Black. The story was actually pretty interesting.) He's not sure if he should just come out and tell them that Tyler was shaking, spacing out and crying. He was a complete different person in the music room than he was during school. It reminded Josh of a dark Troy Bolton. 

"He, um, didn't say," Josh finally replies, but doesn't meet their eyes.

"He's lying again," Ashley sighs. "But that's okay."

Hayley hums in agreement. "You can tell us whenever you feel ready." 

Josh is thankful,  _so thankful_ , to have friends like them. He still feels like a complete asshole for not telling them the complete truth, but they're not pressuring him to. He feels so relieved to have gotten some things off his chest that he can't help but walk over and pull them into a hug. They groan in protest, but hug back tightly. And maybe it wasn't such a good idea because now his chin is covered in hair dye, but it doesn't matter. 

"Thanks. You guys are the best," he tells them sincerely. 

Ashley rolls her eyes and continues to apply dye to her girlfriend's hair. "Tell is something we don't know." Josh flips her off and Hayley laughs.

And in that moment Josh really felt like things were going to be alright. 

* * *

Tyler's still ignoring him. No surprise there, but it's okay. Josh decides he doesn't care anymore. 

He's making his way to the lunch room, practically running there because he had to stay a few minutes after class to finish off his math test and now he was running late. On Taco Bell Tuesday.  _Taco Bell Tuesday_. He doesn't see as an arm shoots out around the corner, grabbing him roughly and pushing him into the closest room. 

"Yo, what the fuck!" Josh cries out as he stumbles into the room. His heart starts to race, remembering past instances where something similar like this happened and he ended up getting his ass kicked.

The lights are off and he can't see anything, but whoever it is picked the wrong day to mess with him. He reaches around, looking for a light switch, and smiles triumphantly when he feels it. He flicks it on and looks at his surroundings.

He's in a small broom closet - the one his friends use to make out in. He knows because they never shut up about it. He turns around, expecting to see Pete, Brendon, Ashley or any of his friends, or even an asshole about to beat him up, but is met with Tyler's face instead. 

"Hey-" Josh starts, but Tyler quickly cuts in.

"Where the hell have you been?" 

Josh gives him a confused look, but Tyler doesn't add any other information.

"Um, what?"

The broom closet is pretty small and they're standing fairly close to each other. Josh can't help the heat that rises up to his face and hopes Tyler doesn't notice. Tyler gives him an exasperated look and he notices that his black eye is almost completely gone. 

"The music room? After school? I've been there every night for a week and you never once showed!" 

Josh blinks at him. Tyler had been waiting for him? Wonder and annoyance both bubble up in him, because, wow, Tyler had some nerve.

"I've been busy with homework. I haven't had time to go and practice drums. We don't all have free time like you," he clips back. "Besides, I didn't know you were waiting for me, not with how you've been ignoring me ever since-"

"You never showed!" Tyler interrupts again. Josh huffs in annoyance. "I went and waited every night and you never showed!"

"I have no obligation to you!" Josh retorts. "We never made any plans to continue to meet up; how could we? You've been completely ignoring me and then said, to my face, that you didn't know who I was!" He points an accusatory finger at him. "The music room was my place first! That's where I went to practice drums since freshman year, you just showed up there that night. And now- now I can't go back there because I'm afraid I'll see you." Josh shakes his head. "But screw that. You do not get a monopoly on the one place I actually enjoy myself. Fuck that."

Josh hadn't planned on coming off harsh, but it felt good. Tyler narrows his eyes. "I don't-" he starts, but shuts his mouth. His eyes glance downward and he fidgets with his hoodie. "I- You're right," he says. He turns around to leave. "Sorry," he mutters.

Great, Josh thinks. As angry as he was he didn't want to make him feel bad. He sighs and grabs Tyler's forearm, stopping him before he can open the door. Tyler flinches at the touch and Josh lets go. "Sorry," he says softly. Tyler just stands there facing him. His face an unreadable mask as he waits for Josh to say something else. "You just showed up there that night," he repeats and his voice drops to a whisper, afraid to say the next part too loudly, "covered in bruises."

Tyler's eyes shift down again, looking uneasy, but Josh continues. "H-how did you get them?"

"Basketball," Tyler replies curtly and turns around to leave again. 

"Mark said it had something to do with your parents," Josh blurts out before he can stop himself. 

Tyler veers around to face him, surprise and anger flashing through his face. "That's none of your business. None of this is your business," he seethes and Josh feels his own vexation resurfacing again.

How was Tyler going to say this after he'd seen him break down more than once? After they'd kissed? After he'd admitted to having waited for him after school for every day for a week?

"I guess that kiss was none of my business too, right?" Wow, he was so great at speaking before thinking. If there was an Olympic event for that he'd definitely win. 

Tyler scowls but has the decency to look somewhat guilty. "It meant nothing." Josh feels a stab in his chest. Fucking lame, he scolds himself. "It was just an act of the moment! I-I'm  _not_ gay! I just- I wasn't thinking straight." 

Josh lets out a short, bitter laugh. "Yeah. You definitely weren't thinking straight." And the gold medal goes to...

Tyler glares at him and grits his teeth. He looks like he's about to retaliate, but instead, he just shakes his head and turns to leave. "Fuck off," he says simply with a last glance at Josh and steps out of the closet. Literally, not metaphorically, he thinks as he watches him leave. Josh wishes his brain would shut up.

The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch and Josh groans. That conversation went terribly, but he couldn't help but mull over the fact that Tyler had been waiting for him after school.

Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks 4 reading this trainwreck and thanks for all the comments and kudos :,)


	4. Blasphemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow sorry it literally took me a month to update?? i have no good excuse except that i'm a terrible person who's terrible at updating this terrible story  
> (also i had a terrible case of writer's block so i apologize in advance with how bad this chapter is)  
> (ALSO also this note reminds me of that book 'Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day' except in this case it'd be Lili and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Everything)  
> okay i'll let you guys get to the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad story

Josh decides to blame every bad thing that happens to him for the rest of the day on Tyler. 

He missed Taco Bell Tuesday? That was Tyler's fault. He got to class late and ended up getting detention? It was because of Tyler. His mom forgot to buy his favorite cereal brand from the store? 100% Tyler's fault. 

Josh texts Hayley and Ashley during detention and tells them to meet him at his house. Mr. Saporta catches him, but doesn't say anything, much to his relief; instead, he gives him a thumbs up and tells him to "fight the power". Fortunately, Mr. Saporta also allows him to leave early, so he's home and ranting to his friends before he knows it. 

He tells them all about his conversation with Tyler in the closet and how he had made him miss Taco Bell Tuesday.  _Taco Bell Tuesday_! It was very important to emphasize that part. 

"What an asshole!" Ashley exclaims. She has her head on Hayley's lap. Hayley's running her fingers through Ashely's hair as she nods along. 

"I know!" Josh responds and plops down next to Hayley, jostling the girls around in the process and earning him a punch to the thigh. "Hey, ow! Violence isn't the answer, Hayley." 

"It's also  _not_ not the answer," she answers back and Ashley giggles. 

"That doesn't make sense." 

"Neither does your face," she shrugs and goes back to weaving her fingers in her girlfriend's hair. Josh huffs exasperatedly and after a while, Hayley gives him a small smile and bumps his arm with her shoulder. "Tyler's a total douche, Josh. Forget about him." 

Josh wishes he could, he really does. But every time he tries, his mind goes back to the kiss and how  _good_ it felt and how Tyler seemed to look better after it, even if he did end up running out immediately after. Playing music with him was also one of the best feelings ever, Josh didn't understand how, but they just worked so well together. He didn't want to give that up just yet.

And  _the bruises._ It still made him sick to his stomach. Josh really wanted to help him out with that awful situation. 

He keeps mulling over his thoughts until Ashley pokes him in his side. "You're not, like, in love with him or anything, are you?"

"N-no!" Josh sputters out. He wasn't! 

"You deserve someone way better," Hayley inputs.

"And someone who's, you know, not straight," Ashley adds in.

"No," he says more definitely as Ashley and Hayley give him unimpressed looks. "I'm  _not_ in love with Tyler Joseph. It's just, I've had a crush on the guy for four years. Even if he's a major asshole, that's kind of hard to shake off, you know?" God, this conversation didn't turn out like he thought it would. At all.

Hayley and Ashley still have impassive looks on their faces and look like they're about to add something else, but luckily his younger brother barges in. 

"Mom said to call you for dinner," he announces. He stares at them for a while before turning away and shouting, "You guys look like the gay smurfs."

"We're never matching hair colors again," Josh mutters as Hayley and Ashley burst into a fit of laughter. 

"Awe looks like someone's a grouchy smurf."

"Or would you rather be Papa smurf?"

Josh throws a pillow at them and leaves them to continue laughing.

(His mom was originally going to make spaghetti, but she had realized too late that there was no more pasta. This was all Tyler's fault.)

* * *

Josh huffs as he makes his way to the school through the cold October night. He had walked (he really needed a car) Ashley and Hayley to the former's house for the night before deciding he had gone long enough without his drums. He didn't care if he saw Tyler there or not. 

He bunches the sleeves of his hoodie into his hands and stuffs them into his pockets. The beginning of school had come and gone and the mid-October weather was harsher than usual. Especially at night.

It was cold. Really fucking cold.

All Josh wants to do is drink some of his mom's hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows) and slip into the warmness of his bed, but he was bitter and petty and he'd be damned if he let Tyler keep him away from his drums.

He jumps over the fence and into the school (slightly ripping the side of his favorite hoodie in the process,  _fuck_ ) and trudges his way into the school.

He was already planning on what he was going to say to Tyler once he entered the music room. Well, sort of. Ashley suggested he curse him out but Hayley countered that the silent treatment was a better route to take.

 _Kiss him!_ his mind suggested, but he shook his head. No, no kissing. No thoughts on how cute Tyler was. He was mad at him.

Josh stood up straighter and tried his best to keep a serious, not gay, face on as he entered the music room.

"Listen here, motherfucker," Josh began but stopped once he realized the room was completely empty.

And thank god, because Josh immediately regretted what had come out of his mouth. Where the hell had that even come from? He was spending too much time with Pete and Brendon.

He checks around the room with his phone's flashlight and calls out a few more  _hello_ 's just to be safe to make sure that, yeah, he was alone.

Which was both a relief and an annoyance, because, wow, Tyler had been emphasizing the fact that he'd been waiting for him every night for a week, and the night he actually shows up, Tyler isn't there. 

Of course.

Josh ignores the small stab of hurt he feels in his chest and heads towards his drums instead. Whatever. He didn't care, he was over Tyler. He picked up the drumsticks and sighed in relief at the feel of them in his hands. He hadn't been able to play for  _a week._ He would play during music class if he wasn't too shy and anxious to have people actually watch him play. Drums was his own thing and he wanted to keep it that way.

Also, Mr. Hurley was basically the Patrick and Brendon of drums. Instead of teaching, he would just announce to everyone that he had important business to get to and then announcing "The power of Dave Grohl is in me," before proceeding to bang out drum solos for the whole class. (Which was pretty fucking cool, Josh had to admit.)

Josh closes his eyes and starts to bang on the drums, an angry and harsh beat that had been pumping inside him for the whole day. He tuned into his emotions and just let them guide him as he played. He was out of breath and sweaty by the time he finishes, but he feels better. He pulls his hoodie over his head and throws in on the closest chair.

He's about to play some more when he hears someone clear their throat. He almost falls off his stool turning around to see who it is.

"That was really good," Tyler says grudgingly and looks down at the floor. 

Josh narrows his eyes and crosses his arms at him, but there's no real heat behind it. He already took out all his anger on the drums. "What're you doing here?"

"Same thing you're here for," Tyler answers and walks over to Josh slowly and hesitates. He leans over slightly so that's he closer to him and for a second Josh thinks he's going to hug him or  _kiss_ him, but he ends up straightening back up and walking past Josh to sit at the piano bench. "To practice."

"Why don't you practice at home?" Josh mutters and Tyler makes that uncomfortable look he always gets when Josh mentions his family.

He turns around to face the piano keys and shrugs. "Same reason you don't." 

Josh grinds his teeth - a habit Ashley always scolds him for, because he could get temporomandibular dysfunction (which was just a fancy word for jaw pain) - and twirls one of his drumsticks between his fingers. Tyler still has his back to him so Josh has no idea of guessing what's running through his mind, and he's not even  _playing_ the piano so they're just sitting in tense silence.

After a while, Josh gets tired and sighs, "Look-"

"I'm not gay!" Tyler blurts out and quickly turns around to face him. Josh raises his eyebrows in surprise, because, um, okay?  Tyler's eyes widen and he covers his face in his hands. "Shit, that's not what I meant to say. Well, I mean it  _is_ \- I'm  _not_ gay - but what I really meant to say was..." Tyler's face is red when he drops his hands back down and lets them fall in his lap. 

Josh has to admit. Seeing Tyler all flustered was really amusing (and cute), but he doesn't say anything as Tyler takes a breath before trying again. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler finally says and looks up at Josh timidly. "I'm sorry for, you know..."

"Acting like a total douche?" Josh offers.

Tyler scrunches up his face, but nods. "Yeah. For being a total douche. And a total ass. I'm really sorry for ignoring you at school. But I really like practicing here with you." Tyler runs a hand through his hair and then adds more quietly, "I just can't be seen talking to you at school. Or anywhere else that's public."

Josh wants to be mad, he really does.

But seeing Tyler so upset and conflicted about this makes him feel bad and his conversation with Mark flashes through his mind, and he can't stop himself when he says, "It's okay. I understand."

"I-" Tyler starts, but raises an eyebrow. It was so obvious he didn't think he would've gotten that response. "Wait, you do?" 

Josh nods and scratches the back of his neck, sort of surprised with himself as well. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I know the ' _reputation_ ' my friends and I have around town and I know your parents are super religious." Tyler lowers his gaze at that. "It's cool, dude."

Tyler raises his eyes back to Josh and blinks uncertainly. "Really?"

Josh forces a smile and nods. Tyler mirrors him hesitantly. 

"But I'm not gay, okay?" Tyler adds in one more time and Josh grinds his teeth again, mentally scolding himself and imagining what Ashley would say to him if she was here. He decides not to bring up their kiss. 

"Yeah, no homo, totally."

"Cool," he smiles and turns back around to face the piano.

He starts playing, and it's nothing amazing, he's literally just playing chopsticks, but it's late and Josh is super gay, so to his ears, it's just about one of the best things he's ever heard. 

"Hey," Josh asks after Tyler's finished.

"Hmm?" he hums and starts playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. 

"What were those other songs you played the first time? I've never heard them before." 

"Oh," Tyler says softly and stops playing so that he can turn around and face Josh, "um, actually, I wrote those..."

Josh's eyes widen and he moves over to sit next to Tyler. "Dude, those were really good. Do you have more?" 

Tyler looks apprehensive again, but he nods eventually. He turns back to face the keys and starts playing, softly at first, but then more confident and loud. It's a weird tune, but it sounds really good and somber like his last songs. Josh can't believe Tyler wrote it. 

He bites his lips and watches Tyler's face as he plays; it's twisted in concentration and Josh is in awe as he hears him begin to talk softly while still playing. 

"I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I don't know where I should go and the tears and the fears begin to multiply..."

Josh taps on his thighs. A beat already forming in his mind that would perfectly accompany the song. Tyler notices and motions with his head towards the drums. 

It feels surreal as Josh sits back down at his drums and begins playing along. He's drumming to a song Tyler Joseph had written and was currently playing for him. This was not how he thought his day would go. He shakes it off though and throws himself into drumming along - listening intently to Tyler's words and the emotion he put into them. 

"I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther; my heart's getting harder; I'm calling my father; am I screaming to an empty sky?" Tyler shouts and Josh looks up at him. He's twitching again, but he seems in control of himself so Josh continues to play along to the song.

The song progresses with each lyric and note angrier and desperate than the last, but Tyler continues to play on and Josh follows suit. Josh closes his eyes and lets Tyler's words seep into him, not completely sure what all the references mean, but at the same time understanding completely. Tyler's voice is getting louder and louder and Josh tries his best to match with him on the drums. 

"Enough about you, let's talk about me and how everybody thinks I'm just so free! Free? Did you hear the verse that came first and how my own body's waging war on me?" Tyler mini spasms at this line and Josh takes the time to contemplate it. 

After spending some time with him, he knew Tyler had problems and issues at home. All the breakdowns and hazy states he'd seen him in were enough to prove that he had more going on in his mind that met the eye, but Josh always assumed his troubles were family related. Not once did he think that maybe Tyler's biggest enemy was Tyler himself. Uneasiness settles into Josh's stomach.

They'd reached a part of the song where Tyler was just screaming the words now and hitting the keys vindictively. Josh's breath catches in his throat as he watches Tyler and stops playing. 

"I want to be alive when you see my eyes. Can I see your eyes? Can I see your eyes?" Tyler screams and Josh stands up to walk over to Tyler. 

Tyler's face is tear-stricken and his eyes are closed as he begins to hit random notes. He had stopped singing/screaming and instead was breathing heavily and irregularly. 

"Tyler," Josh calls out to him, but Tyler doesn't seem to hear him. He brings his hands up and digs his fingers into his hair and begins to sway back and forth. 

"Tyler," Josh tries again, more urgently this time and places his hands on his shoulders. Tyler opens his eyes and looks up at him and he stops shaking. Josh sighs in relief. At least he hadn't gone into his haze state. 

Before Josh could say another word, Tyler had his hands wrapped around Josh's neck, pulling him down until their lips met.

Josh gasps as Tyler's lips move frantically against his. He moans and closes his eyes as Tyler's tongue sweeps over his bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. Oh god, was this really happening? Josh wraps his arms around Tyler, not sure how the change of events happened, but he wasn't about to complain either. 

Tyler made small, panting noises as he broke away from Josh and hung his head. "I-I don't..." Tyler starts but shakes his head. "I'm not..." he tries again, but sighs. "I'm tired," he finally gets out. 

"It's okay," Josh says softly, not sure what else to say because Tyler had just  _kissed him_ and he wasn't running out of the room, holy shit. 

"You help calm me down," Tyler mutters and pulls him in for another kiss, slower this time. Less frantic. Josh hums happily and kisses back. "But I'm still not gay," he assures him between kisses.

Josh can't think clearly because 1) a cute boy is kissing him and 2) it's late and 3) all his thoughts have left his mind and have traveled to his dick, so it was pretty much in charge at the moment.

He doesn't care if Tyler was using him. All he knew was that he need more of him. 

He digs his fingers into Tyler's hair and thinks of nothing else, but the soft noises Tyler made as they continued to kiss - knowing full and well that he was being an idiot. 


	5. Drown/Victorious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit??? thanks so much for all the positive feedback in the last chapter????  
> BTW!!!!!!!!!!!! just a heads up for this chapter: there's a lot of slurs towards the end, so steer clear of that if you're uncomfortable with that!!!  
> mmkay i'll let you guys get on with this

Tyler, Josh decides, is a magnificent kisser.

Josh also decides that all the moans and small, breathy noises that leave him are probably the best thing he's ever heard in his life, like, ever. 

Tyler's phone chiming eventually tears them apart and Josh struggles to regain his breath.  _Holy crap._

Josh continues to gasp for air - and he'd look ridiculous doing so if Tyler wasn't sitting across from him doing the same - as he concludes that kissing Tyler Joseph was an experience. An incredible experience that he never wanted to end. He mentally high fives his freshman year self. 

Tyler glances at his phone and grimaces before looking back up at Josh. "I have to get back home now," his voice wavers slightly.

"Okay." Josh can't think of anything else to say. He feels lightheaded - both from the kiss and from the thought of Tyler having to get back home to god knows what. "I should probably head back too." 

Tyler nods and stands up, stumbling a little in the process and grasping onto Josh's shoulder to steady himself. Josh inhales sharply at the contact, feeling absolutely lame for doing so and Tyler quickly withdraws his hand and looks away. The room's dimly lit, but Josh swears he can see a tinge of pink on his cheeks. 

"Sorry," Tyler mutters and turns to leave and Josh is about to follow suit, but suddenly Tyler turns back around. "Um," he starts, but hesitates. His fingers absentmindedly toy around with the sleeves of his hoodie.  _He does that a lot_ , Josh notices. "Thank you," he finally mumbles softly, "for... you know..." He gestures between them awkwardly and then sticks his hand out.

Josh takes it, surprised that Tyler had even offered it to him - despite the fact that they had just made out for a good 10 minutes - and is about to stand up, but then Tyler begins to shake their enclasped hands.  

Of course. 

"Oh, uh... okay?" Josh shakes back and it's just about the most uncomfortable thing he's had to do in his life, because here's a guy who, not even five minutes ago, had his tongue shoved down his throat. And now he was acting like they had just met. Josh grimaces. 

"Okay, well," Tyler says and drops his hand. "Bye." He practically sprints out of the room. 

"Bye," Josh grumbles as the door to the music room swings closed. He sighs and rubs at his eyes tiredly.

He was a total idiot.

* * *

Their thing continues. 

Whatever their thing is, Josh isn't sure, but it continues. 

He decides not to tell Ashley and Hayley; he already knows what they're going to say. They would try to convince him to stop and then proceed to tell him that Tyler was a total and enormous douche who was just using Josh to make himself feel better and that all this was bound to end badly - and they'd be 100% right. But truthfully, Josh wasn't ready to give up his _thing_ with Tyler yet. Josh didn't need their infinite lesbian wisdom at the moment. 

And it wasn't just because he was lonely and got to make out with a cute boy (his  _crush_ for _four years_  to be exact) - though it was a huge plus. No, it was because he was actually starting to get to  _know_ Tyler Joseph. 

With every meeting (he didn't know what else to call it) they had, Tyler offered more small details and glances into his personal life. They weren't anything huge - i.e he still didn't know how Tyler had gotten all those bruises a couple weeks ago, or the real reason he had showed up to the music room that first night - but Josh felt like every new piece of information Tyler shared engraved itself into his mind. 

He finds out that Tyler's favorite band was a tie between Death Cab For Cutie and Grouplove, much to Josh's surprise. He finds out that Tyler has two younger brothers and a sister that he talks about fondly - Zack, Maddie and Jay - and that he can also play ukulele, bass, and the accordion. He finds out Tyler is actually pretty funny and carefree and dorky when he's not lost in his mind (which begins to happen less and less) and he jokes around with Josh more and more.

Which was both good news and bad news. Josh's crush wasn't starting to feel like just a crush anymore and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. 

Nothing much changed between _them_ , though. They continued to practice together, mostly just doing covers of songs or just making up random and ridiculous beats and fooling around with other instruments. Sometimes Tyler would sleep underneath the piano bench and Josh would take that time to do his homework as to not disturb him. Tyler woke up one night to find Josh working on calculus and the next night, he brought his own homework to work on too - it became another thing they did together. Some nights they would spend their time just studying together. 

The only huge thing that did change between them was the fact that Tyler had gone from constantly repeating  _no homo_ and  _I'm_ _not gay_ to  _please don't tell anyone_  with tears spilling from his eyes as he pulled Josh in for another kiss.

Josh wasn't a _complete_ idiot, though. He knew Tyler didn't actually _like_  him that way and he wasn't about to start thinking of it as something more than it was. The only reason Tyler made out with him and hung around with him at night was to feel more control of himself. Josh just happened to be there the night he showed up. It could've been anyone, really. 

And Josh would be lying if he said this was all one-sided. He'd be lying if he said Tyler was the only one gaining anything out of this fucked up situation they were in. Tyler wasn't the only one using somebody else for their benefit. This was another reason he decided not to tell Ashley and Hayley. They had each other to fall back on when they felt lonely; to kiss and love and hold. So did Pete and Patrick, and Brendon and Dallon. They didn't understand how Josh felt, how much he needed this even if it wasn't really real.

He had pretty much fantasized about having Tyler's tongue down his throat from the second he saw him in their P.E. class freshman year. Even if the context that it was happening in was totally not what he had envisioned back then, it was happening. 

Could anyone actually blame him?

* * *

On Saturday night, Josh stuffs his backpack full of peanut butter sandwiches and CapriSuns before slinging it over his back and making his way towards the school. Tyler had been showing up extremely hungry lately. Josh had noticed while they were studying for a big math test and a loud growl emitted from Tyler's stomach. He hadn't pressed for details when Tyler sheepishly admitted to being starved, but he knew Tyler was lying when he said that it was simply because he forgot to eat. Instead, he just began to show up with food. 

It made his stomach churn in discomfort and uncertainty as he watched the way Tyler had devoured the sandwiches (three of them!) the first time Josh brought them - as if he hadn't eaten in days. Something was definitely wrong, but he couldn't do much anything to help, besides continue to bring in more food. 

Josh crawls through the new hole in the fence Tyler had shown him - it was wider and less rusty so his clothes didn't get stuck and torn as much anymore, and jogs up the steps and into the school.

Tyler's already inside the music room when Josh walks in, but he's not playing the piano. Instead, he's sitting down on the stool in front of the drums, tapping on the bass repeatedly as he chews on the end of a pencil and reads from a book titled "All My Sons" by Arthur Miller. 

"Hey," Josh greets and Tyler jumps at the sound, but smiles when he sees it's Josh. "Whatcha reading?" He makes his way over to the piano and sits down on the bench, facing Tyler. He sets the backpack down next to him.

"This play for English that we have to read and write an essay on," Tyler replies and waves the cover around. "It's not due 'til the end of the year, but it's actually super interesting."  

"What's it about?" Josh asks and smiles, always happy to see Tyler when he's interested in something. 

"It's about this guy who has to decide what's best for his family after causing the death of 21 pilots during World War II," Tyler explains and looks up at Josh. "He, get this, knowingly sent them faulty parts for the good of his business." 

"Sounds sorta depressing," Josh says. "I can't imagine having to deal with that many deaths over my head." 

Tyler hums in agreement and dog ears the page he's on before he throws the book on top of his backpack. He stands up and walks over to the piano to sit down next to Josh. Josh picks his backpack up and Tyler smiles eagerly. 

"Were you here for long?" Josh asks as he pulls the sandwiches out and hands them over to Tyler. His face lights up at the sight of food and Josh feels the uneasiness stir inside him. Tyler has dark circles under his eyes and he looks like he's about to pass out any second. And he looks _so thin_ , thinner than usual.

"Nah," Tyler assures as he takes a bite out of one of the sandwiches. He closes his eyes and moans happily as he chews. Josh's dick jumps a little at the sound. Tyler finishes the rest of the sandwich in two bites. "God, that was so good, thank you," he says with a mouthful of food.

"No problem, dude," Josh responds and hands Tyler a second sandwich and a CapriSun. 

Tyler takes them and gratefully mumbles another thank you before finishing off the food quicker than he did the first one. And even though Tyler looks happy and content at the moment, Josh can't help but feel a pang of sadness. He acted like the sandwiches had been some sort of banquet... What were his parents doing to him? 

"Thanks, Josh," Tyler says sheepishly after finishing off his CapriSun and setting the garbage off to the side and Josh hums in response. 

They sit in comfortable silence as Josh drinks his own CapriSun and Tyler begins to play a melody Josh doesn't recognize on the piano.

"New?" Josh asks and Tyler nods. Josh nods back and stands up. "Cool," he says and makes his way back towards the drums. It was routine now - every time Tyler played anything on the piano, Josh used the drums in to add his own part. They both agreed that the added drumming parts always fit into the song perfectly. 

Tyler waits until Josh is situated behind the drums before starting the melody from the beginning again. Slow and somber at first like most of his other songs, but also completely different at the same time. Tyler begins to sing softly and his voice comes out sounding croakier than usual, but it fits the song well. Josh focuses on every word Tyler says, not playing yet - just listening intently as he waits for the feeling he gets when he knows he should come into the song.

It isn't until Tyler sings, "Can you drown me?" that Josh feels the energy shift and he feels like he already knows the song by heart. He closes his eyes and listens to Tyler spit out the words as he taps down on the bass and hits the snare drum in even turns. 

"I wanna be a lot of things, so much pent up inside me; I wanna be stronger, too long I've sat here undecidedly planning strategy. Half of me knows it's all just a fallacy failing miserably, drastically, and then I crash dramatically into a wall I've hit a hundred times before and yet I still ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor," Tyler takes a short breath, but his voice doesn't waver as he continues the verse. He's not shouting the words like he usually does, but there's still so much emotion laced in every word, Josh let's his voice guide him as he continues to play along. Getting more and more into it as Tyler continues. 

He goes back to singing after a couple more lines, but the tune of the piano picks up speed and Josh matches it.

"Here I come again to you, just to show that blood soaked through; through my bones and all I own. Is there a way for me to grow? I walk to you, rain falls from you. Can you wash me, can you drown me, please?" 

They cut off at the same time and Tyler quickly turns around to face Josh, a nervous look on his face. "I don't have that one all worked out yet," he rushes to explain. "I'm planning on adding another verse at the end so if it sounds off-"

"Dude, it's amazing," Josh cuts him off and beams at him. Tyler opens his mouth like he's about to add something else, but shuts it and gives Josh a hesitant smile.

"Want another sandwich?" Josh asks after a while and Tyler nods quickly. 

"God, yes."

* * *

Two weeks of their continuous meetings come and go and October is over as quickly as it started. It's Halloween and Josh can't quite wrap his mind around it.

He's in first period - music class, AKA the class he shared with Tyler - and things were normal; Tyler was still ignoring him in public and Josh pretended not to care about it. 

Tyler had his hoodie pulled over his head and was slumped down against his desk sleeping. His copy of 'All My Sons' lay open beside him. 

Josh doesn't know  _how_ he can sleep with all the noise - Mr. Hurley had announced he was going to do a simple warm up before Tyler had dozed off and then proceeded to play the drum solo from the end of 'Stepbrothers' - but there he was. Totally knocked out.

Pete and Brendon were still prohibited from playing the piano (though their sentence ended next week) so they decided to use their time bickering about about the school's Halloween carnival that was taking place after school.  

"What?" Patrick asks in exasperation. "'Slutty Three Blind Mice'? How would that costume even  _work_?"

Brendon sighs dramatically as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Dude, look, it's not that complicated. We," he motions to himself, Patrick and Josh, "wear black halter tops and black leggings - which I already  _have_ , you're welcome - and then just throw on some mouse ears, sunglasses, high heels and  _bam!"_ He claps his hands together and out of the corner of his eye, Josh notices that actually startles Tyler awake. "I present to you, the Three Slutty Blind Mice."

"No," Patrick and Josh deadpan. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Tyler gaze sleepily towards him and Josh can't help the stupid flutter he feels in his stomach.

Brendon groans and slumps down in his seat dejectedly. "First you guys put down my Human Centipede costume idea-"

"Dude, that's just wrong on so many levels."

"Your heads already so far up your ass, anyway." Josh notices the corners of Tyler's mouth twitch up.

"- and now you're rejecting my Slutty Blind Mice one? Shit, man, you guys aren't giving me much to work with." Brendon pouts.

Patrick rolls his eyes. "When you start to actually throw out good ideas, we'll consider it. Maybe."

"Besides," Josh adds, "aren't you and Dallon wearing matching costumes? He said something about Mario and Luigi."

Brendon's still pouting as he nods. "Only because he rejected my 'Drisella Kokane' idea."

Patrick and Josh exchange confused looks.

"I... don't even want to know what that idea is..." Patrick says cautiously.

Brendon is about to launch into his explanation of 'Drisella Kokane' when the bell, signaling the end of the period, rings. Patrick and Josh sigh in relief as Mr. Hurley dismisses them with "May the power of Dave Grohl be with you." Patrick's phone suddenly chimes and his face instantly turns red as he checks it. He quickly mutters something about meeting up with Pete to study and rushes out of the room.

Brendon and Josh give each other unimpressed looks before standing up. Josh freezes as Tyler passes by them to leave and he bites his lip as he feels his own face heat up.

"Ah, young love," Brendon sighs faux dreamily and Josh feels his face heat up even more, thinking that Brendon is talking about him. "They're probably meeting up in the broom closet to fuck," Brendon sighs again and rests a hand on his hip before looking at Josh and smiling roguishly. "That reminds me... I also have to meet up with Dallon to  _study_." He winks and Josh groans. "See you at lunch, Dun. Don't get into any trouble," he sing songs and skips out of the room.

Josh exhales and shoulders his backpack as he leaves the room and makes his way towards his next class. Yep. Just another normal day.

* * *

Josh gets hit with a strange sense of déjà vu that day.

It happens while he's making his way towards lunch, which he's not really looking forward to. It's Meatball Surprise Monday and everyone knows that the surprise is that it's terrible.

He has his earphones in as he's making his way down the deserted hallway towards the cafeteria when a hand shoots out from around the corner and pulls him into the nearest room. Josh really needed to pay more attention to his surroundings.

He huffs as he realizes it's the closet room again - probably the one where his friends had done it in, ugh - and his feeling of déjà vu magnifies greatly.

"Tyler," Josh starts as he searches for the light switch, because, really, who else could it be? "You can't just-"

He stops talking as soon as the lights turn on. It's Tyler, like he had assumed, but he didn't guess the emotional and mental state right.

Tyler's twitching and trembling, eyes bloodshot and wide, full of fear, and breaths coming out ragged and strained. 

"Whoa, hey," Josh whispers gently and places tentative hands on Tyler's arms. It was weird seeing Tyler like this during the day. Night felt safe, almost as if it offered it's own protection and privacy from the outside world. But in the day, Josh wasn't sure what the rules were.

Tyler looks up at him, but his eyes are wild and not totally focused on Josh. Josh rests a cautious hand on Tyler's cheek and keeps the other one on Tyler's arm, steadying him.

Josh knows what Tyler needs. Why else would he have pulled him into a closet in the middle of the day in his current state?

He closes his eyes and leans in until his lips are pressed soundly against Tyler's and waits for his breathing to slow down and relax. 

It doesn't.

Josh brings his other hand to cup at Tyler's cheek and begins to move his lips against his, but Tyler stays unresponsive and his breathing continues to come out in short, sporadic puffs.

Josh pulls away quickly, alarmed, and searches Tyler's face - as if he'll find the answer to help him written across it. The only thing he does find is that Tyler is looking paler than he did a few minutes ago. "Hey," Josh says worriedly and turns his face towards his. "Tyler, hey." Tyler's eyes finally seem to focus on Josh and he sighs in relief. "What's wrong?"

Tyler shakes his head away from Josh and tears start to form at the corners of his eyes. "God, I'm such an idiot, such an idiot," he chokes out and brings a hand up to tug at his hair. "I'm such a fuck up, such a fucking disappointment. My parents, oh, god-" Tyler breaks at the last word and brings his other hand to tug at his hair.

"Tyler," Josh says and wraps his hands around his wrists to pull them away from his hair. "Hey, hey, it's alright, you're okay."

Tyler shakes his head furiously and sniffs. "No, you don't get it!" He looks into Josh's eyes and all Josh can see in his are pure terror. "I- I failed! I failed my math test! And when my parents find out they're- they're going to-" Tyler starts hyperventilating and Josh closes his eyes for a couple seconds, trying to keep his own composure. He couldn't stand seeing Tyler like this. He does the first thing that pops into his mind.

Josh lowers his hand to hover over the front of Tyler's jeans, and maybe he's overstepping his boundaries, but he just can't leave Tyler like this.

He gently places his palm against the material over Tyler's cock and Tyler instantly freezes. Josh looks at him, unsure if he should continue or not because Tyler's eyes are still wide and full of tears, but focused and not scared. 

"Okay?" Josh asks softly and Tyler gives a small nod. 

Josh carefully palms him over his jeans and Tyler moans and relaxes against him. Josh feels him gradually harden with each passing second and before he knows it, he has Tyler pressed up against the door with his jeans undone. 

Josh buries his head in Tyler's neck and mouths at it, causing Tyler to shiver and suck in a breath. "Okay?" Josh asks again and feels Tyler nod quickly. He presses a gentle kiss to the spot underneath Tyler's ear and sucks gently before nudging his hand into Tyler's underwear. 

Josh feels like his heart is about to jump out of his chest as he wraps his hand around Tyler's dick and begins to pump slowly. 

Tyler gasps loudly and Josh hears the sound of his head  _thumping_ back against the door. "Oh," Tyler lets out a breathy moan and digs his fingers into Josh's biceps as Josh continues to move his hand slowly. His wrist begins to ache at the awkward angle that it's in, but he ignores it. No way he's going to stop now. 

Josh pulls his head back to look at Tyler's face; all flushed, eyes shut tightly, bottom lip sucked into his mouth as he tries his best not to make any noise.  _Oh, god, holy shit,_ Josh thinks and takes a mental picture. 

It was probably the best thing Josh had ever seen in his life.

He speeds his movements up, swiping his thumb over Tyler's tip and earning him a low groan, as his mouth finds it's way back to Tyler's neck. 

Josh cannot believe this was happening.

He was giving the captain of the basketball team a handjob.

During school.

In the janitor's closet. 

He was living a twisted, rated R version of High School Musical.

As he mulled over whether that would make him Gabriella - and why was he worried about that now when he had Tyler Joseph's cock in his hand? - Tyler continues to pant and moan loudly.

"Josh," he drawls out and lazily thrusts his hips up into Josh's hand.

Josh's hand falters slightly and brings his head back to blink at Tyler, taken aback, because this was the first time Tyler had ever moaned his name, let alone say it during one of their "sessions". 

Tyler seems to come to the same realization too because his eyes blink open quickly and he brings a hand down to stop Josh's.

"I- I have to go," he says quickly and shoves Josh away as he fixes himself back into his jeans, still hard, and zipping them up. He ducks his head down to avert Josh's bewildered expression and rushes out of the room without a second glance.

High school, Josh decides, was terrible and confusing. Whether it was musical or not.

* * *

"What I don't understand," Hayley, who's wearing a shirt labeled 'Thing 2', says as she takes a bite out of her caramel apple, "is why you guys have matching costumes when you're not even a couple." She offers some of her treat to Ashley, who's wearing a shirt labeled 'Thing 1', and continues to swing their intertwined hands as they walk.

"I stopped questioning it," Patrick mumbles and Dallon, who's walking alongside him dressed as Luigi, nods in agreement. 

Brendon and Pete are walking ahead of their small group, practically jumping with excitement as they look around the carnival. Pete's dressed as Jack Skellington and Brendon's dressed as Sally, dress and all.

"Y'all are just haters," Brendon says. "I look amazing." He does a little spin mid walk and continues to strut ahead.

Pete turns around to face them, walking backward. "It would've looked way cooler if you guys," he points an accusatory finger at Josh, Hayley and Ashley, "dressed as Lock, Shock, and Barrel like we'd agreed."

"We were originally going to go as the Gay Smurfs but Josh vetoed that idea," Ashley pouts. "Besides, I think you and Brendon look kinda cute," she shrugs and takes a bite out of her cotton candy.

Brendon turns around, points finger guns at her and clicks his tongue. "Looking pretty hot yourself, sweet thang."

"Oh, my god, never mind. I take it back," Ashley pretends to gag and Hayley giggles and leans her head on her shoulder as they continue walking. Several people have already sent them sideways glares but they ignore them.

Josh, who's dressed as The Cat in the Hat, stifles a laugh and stuffs some popcorn into his mouth. He wouldn't have worn a costume at all, but one of the requirements to get into the carnival was that you needed a costume. Patrick, who just had the word 'book' written across his face, barely met the requirement to get in.

So, yeah, he just included himself into the girls' costume. He felt like Ted Mosby.

"Ugh, I really wish I would've worn some underwear now," Brendon mutters as he shimmies in his dress and pulls on it. "This material is gonna end up giving my ass major rug burn."

"Brendon, isn't that costume a rental?"

"Wait, dude, you're not wearing any underwear?" Pete asks and gives him an incredulous look. 

"Nah, man. I'm wearing a dress so I though, hey, why not let everything else hang loose?" He falls into step with Dallon and waggles his eyebrows up at him. "Also allows for better access when we-"

Everyone groans before Brendon can finish and Dallon shakes his head. "Get away, I'm mad at you. I thought we'd agreed to go as Mario and Luigi. Without my Mario, what am I? Just some weird Italian plumber. I look like an asshole."

Josh tunes them out as Brendon begins to talk about his dick - somehow it was vital to his Mario and Luigi discussion. Josh doesn't know why and doesn't  _want_ to know. Instead, he takes a look around the carnival, impressed with the way it was set up in the school's gym. There were booths set up everywhere, being hosted by clubs in school; face painting, haunted houses, ring tosses, and even an apple bobbing booth. 

But what really catches Josh's attention is the dunk tank booth at the far end of the gym set up by the basketball team. The sign above it read,  _Dunk The Captain For A Good Cause - All Proceeds Will Be Donated To Chik-Fil-A_. Underneath the sign, in super small letters (almost as an afterthought) someone had written ' _to keep the gays away'_ in sloppy handwriting. 

"Hey," Josh interrupts whatever Brendon had been saying about his dick and indoor plumbing, and points over to the booth. "Let's check that out."

They all turn to look at where Josh is pointing and then turn back to look at him. 

"Oh, holy crap," Ashley says and Josh can see the gears in her mind start to turn as she and Hayley smile up at him wickedly. "Yes. Come on, let's go."

They take Josh's hand and start pulling him towards the booth, the others trailing close behind. He sees Brendon and Patrick exchange apprehensive glances, no doubt remembering the incident that happened in the hallway a few weeks ago, but follow anyway.

The closer they get to the booth, the more unsure Josh feels and wants to turn back around.

What was he doing? This was such a stupid move to pull. He was leading his friends into a trap and for what? To take out a little pent up aggression? It looked like the whole basketball team was there loitering around and doing nothing except laugh at people's attempts to dunk Tyler into the pool of water underneath him.

Josh lets his attention fall on Tyler, who was painted to look like a skeleton. He looks really bored and unamused as person after person take their shot and miss until his gaze meets Josh's.

His face freezes, but he quickly looks away and sits up straighter in his seat as they get closer to the booth.

"Well, well, well, look who's here," they're greeted with Shane Morris' awful voice. "The faggot freak show came to try and knock Joseph down?" He sneers and the rest of the basketball team laugh along. 

This was a terrible idea. A terrible, terrible idea.

"What the fuck  _are_ you," Trace Cyrus snickers and points over at Brendon. "Some kind of tranny, cross-dresser or something? Was being a fag just not enough for you?"

Dallon immediately takes a step forward, but Brendon shoots a hand out to stop him. 

"Not worth it," Josh hears him whisper to Dallon, but can see that Dallon was seething.

" _Awe,_ his boyfriend was about to stick up for it," Shane laughs and coos at them. "How cute."

"We're just here to play. We don't want to start anything," Ashley pipes up coldly. Shane turns to look at her amusedly. An ugly smile forming on his ugly face. 

"Holy shit," he snickers, "well if it isn't Dyke 1 and Dyke 2!" The team laughs again and Josh turns to look at Tyler, but Tyler quickly looks away. Josh feels his blood start to boil. "What a waste of pussy."

"What you two need," Trace smiles slyly and steps forward so that he's standing in front of Ashley and Hayley, "is some good dick to show you what you're missing. Dun's faggot dick must not be much help, is it?" 

Trace reaches out as if to grab at Ashley or Hayley (or both) and things seem to slow down as Josh pushes the girls behind him instinctively. He knows that they're more than capable of taking care of themselves, but he can't help it. With the team's arrogance and Tyler's ignorance, he was seeing red.

"Leave. Them. Alone," he says through gritted teeth. Pete and Dallon stand on either side of Josh as Brendon and Patrick take their own place in front of them. 

Patrick very rarely got super mad or upset, but when he did, he was a force to be messed with. Even though the basketball players were at least a foot taller than him, Patrick looked pretty intimidating staring them down. 

Shane scoffs. "Or what?" He and the rest of the basketball team stand their own ground behind him and Trace. Their faces contort into menacing glares as they stare down Josh and his friends. Other people walking by stop and turn their attention on them, as if sensing a fight about to start. Someone even pulls out their phone to start recording.

"Is there a problem here?" A voice pops up and everyone snaps their head to look in the direction. 

Josh sighs in relief when he realizes it's Mr. Way, their super chill history teacher - who insisted on having his students call him  _Gee Uncle Jiggy_. No one ever called him that, though. Josh notices the rest of his friends relax, too.

"Nope," Shane is the first to speak up. He smiles at Mr. Way and changes his stance to look more relaxed. "Nothing wrong here, Gee Uncle Jiggy." Well,  _almost_ no one called him that. "Just waiting for one of them to take their turn."

Mr. Way gives him a dubious look and turns his attention over to Josh and his friends, and then back to Shane and the basketball team. He still seems concerned, but he nods. 

"Well, alright then... If you guys need anything," he turns to look at Josh, "I'll be at the apple bobbing booth."

"Sounds good," Trace smiles and waves goodbye as Mr. Way turns to leave, throwing one last cautious glance before walking away. The rest of the people who had been standing by waiting for a fight leave too, mumbling their disappointment.

The mood shifts once Mr. Way leaves, but Josh is almost certain that Shane and Trace wouldn't try anything after that.

"Alright then, let's get this over with," Shane spits out and glares at them. "Which one of you fucking fags wants to try?" 

Josh takes a look at Tyler, who's still so obviously averting his gaze, and steps forward. 

He throws his money over to Shane and grabs one of the baseballs to throw. Shane and the rest of the team laugh and taunt him as Josh takes his place and begins to aim.

"You got this," Hayley shouts out encouragingly and Tyler finally turns to look at him.

He's glaring daggers at Josh, which was totally not what he had expected, but there's something else Josh notices in his eyes, that looks apologetic, but Josh ignores it and throws the ball...

... and hits the target.

His friends cheer as Tyler falls into the water and Josh turns to smirk at Shane and Trace. Their faces look completely shocked, because Josh Dun, a 'certified fag', had just dunked their totally straight captain. 

"That's for you Trace, you fucker!" Brendon laughs, before grabbing Dallon's hand and yelling, "Run!"

Josh takes off in a sprint after his friends as they make their way out of the gym - the basketball team shouting curses after them.

They're all laughing and out of breath by the time they make it to the empty parking lot.

"Dude!" Pete shouts, a shit eating grin stretches across his face, and clamps a hand down on Josh's shoulder. "Fuck, yeah! That was fucking great!"

The rest of his friends chorus their agreements and continue to laugh.

"Tonight!" Brendon shouts and pretends to place a crown on Josh's head. "We are victorious!" He turns around to flash a smile at everyone else. "All of you were glorious. Now come on, my parents aren't home and they've got a fridge stocked with beer locked up. They don't know I know the passcode. Let's keep this party going at my house!"

They all cheer as they start to make their way towards Pete's car, joking and hugging all the way there.

In the back of his mind, Josh thinks about how totally screwed they were. They'd almost gotten into a fight with a whole team of homophobic basketball players, and he was sure it wasn't over. He had dunked Tyler into a tub of freezing water in October. He was sure that wasn't going to fall in his favor either.

 _Fuck it_ , Josh thinks and decides to forget about all their troubles as laughs along with his friends. No matter what happened, they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case some of you guys don't know and are wondering where i'm getting these songs from, they're from Tyler's self-released album No Phun Intended  
> it's a great way to suffer  
> ALSO, i got the line, "Without my Mario, what am I? Just some weird Italian plumber. I look like an asshole," that dallon says from it's always sunny AKA the worst (best) show to exist  
> and yes i used shane morris and trace cyrus bc they're the absolute worst  
> thanks for reading !!!


	6. Heathens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this was originally gonna be a short chapter what happened  
> this chapter takes place on the same day (halloween)as the last one just to be clear  
> ALSO !!!!! trigger warning for abuse in this chapter !!!!! be careful of the scene with tyler and his mom !!!! you can skip it altogether if you want and if you want to know what happened, leave me a comment and i'll summarize that part for you !!!  
> 

Mark doesn't think too much about why Josh had just come into the lunchroom late as he makes his way towards the bathroom. It was Meatball Surprise Monday. Everyone shows up later to lunch on these days. 

He  _does_ notice that Josh looks more anxious than usual; his cheeks were tinted pink and his blue hair was more disheveled than it conventionally was, and his eyes kept scanning over the room. They land on Mark for a brief second, but Mark looks away quickly and pushes the door and steps into the bathroom. He didn't really feel like dealing with Josh Dun today.

He doesn't think too much of Josh showing up late until he sees Tyler coming out of one of the stalls, just as flushed as Josh had been, lackadaisically making his way over to the sink to wash his hands.

Mark chews on his bottom lip in worry as he takes Tyler's appearance in. His eyes are glazed over; his hair and clothes tousled and, woah, was that a _bruise_ on his neck? Tyler's breathing is slightly staggered and he doesn't seem to notice Mark standing there until he turns to dry his hands. 

"Shit!" Tyler jumps a little and his eyes widen in surprise. 

"Dude," Mark says quickly and slings his video camera over his shoulder so that he can place his hands on Tyler to steady him. "What's wrong? Are you okay? You have a bruise on your neck, what happened?"

Tyler doesn't meet his gaze and Mark begins to worry again until he realizes that the look on his face isn't despondent, but... embarrassed?

"Uh... Josh and I-" Tyler starts and clears his throat awkwardly as his face flushes a deeper red. "I mean _he_ touched me - oh, my god, wait no, no - we... in the closet room-"

 _Oh_ , Mark thinks as he watches Tyler continue to remain tongue-tied,  _that's why._  

He drops his hands from Tyler's shoulders and Tyler finally turns to meet his gaze nervously.

"What happened?" Mark asks and gives Tyler a reassuring look, but it seems to have the opposite effect.

Tyler screws his eyes shut and leans back against the wall.

"I failed," he sighs and runs his hands down his face defeatedly. "I failed my math test. I fucking failed my fucking math test." He slides his way down to the floor and rests his head on his knees. "I don't know what happened, I studied so hard for it with, um, with Josh and then I go and screw it all up!"

Mark's breath gets stuck in his throat and he feels his stomach drop. A failed test means a talk with Tyler's parents. And a talk with Tyler's parents means...

Mark doesn't finish his thought and instead checks to see if there's anybody else in the bathroom before sliding down to the floor next to Tyler. Tyler's distraught and Mark knows that it has to do with his failed math test, but he also has a feeling that it's because of something that happened with Josh.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he rests a hand on his back and he can feel Tyler faintly relax. 

Tyler sighs and raises his head to look at Mark. "I failed my math test and I freaked out about what my parents are going to do to me and how much of a disappointment I am," he says quickly, but then briskly adds in, "So I pulled Josh into the closet room and told him about it a-and he... calmed me down by, um, -" Tyler hesitates, but then begins to make jerking off motions before pointing to himself. 

Mark's eyes widen comically and he can't help it when a short, abrupt laugh comes out of him. He covers his mouth quickly and throws Tyler an apologetic look. 

"Sorry," he says and clears his throat. Tyler glares at him, but there's no real heat behind it. Mark apologizes again anyways. "No, really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh I was just... caught off guard? I never thought that you'd, ah... yeah... in  _school_." 

Tyler grimaces and buries his head in his hands. Mark studies him for a while and then gets hit with a sudden realization.

"Wait," he says seriously. "Did you not want it to happen?" Was this why Tyler was so upset? Had Josh  _forced_ him to do something? Mark feels anger start to slowly bubble inside him. "Did he make you do something you didn't want to? Is that why you're so upset? Because I'll go right now and knock some sense-"

"No!" Tyler cuts him off and lifts his head back up. "I wanted it!" Mark feels relieved at this, but he wonders if Tyler's face was maybe beginning to get  _too_ red. "Don't worry, Mark, that- that wasn't the problem. Josh wouldn't do something like that. I just... never, you know, actually  _said_ his name, uh,  _during_... so it made things feel... I don't know... too real? Ugh, I don't know how to explain it, but it just felt like everything was happening too fast and so I sorta just ran out of there."

"Did you..." Mark begins to ask before he can stop himself and immediately regrets it. It's none of his business whether or not Tyler came, but it's too late. The implication of the words hang over them and Tyler drops his head back against his knees and groans. Oh, my god, he was such an ass sometimes.  

Mark's about to apologize, because, really, who even  _thinks_ about asking that, but then Tyler starts giggling and before he knows it, they're both laughing hysterically. 

"No," Tyler says after a while, but it comes out sounding muffled. "I freaked out before I could."

"Wait," Mark says - he begs himself to shut up, but he keeps talking anyway, "so is that why you're here in the bathroom?" Why was he asking his best friend if he had just finished jerking off? Who does that?  _Who does that?_

"Oh, my god," Tyler throws him an exasperated look. "Mark, please, can we not talk about this?"

"So that's a yes?" 

Mark laughs as Tyler shoves him to the side. _Josh had come late and so did Tyler,_ Mark thinks and giggles, but doesn't dare say it aloud.

Tyler seems to have read his mind, though, because he points an accusatory finger at him.

"Shuttup."

Mark is about to retaliate, but the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, and Tyler springs up from the floor and helps him up too.

"Do you wanna come over after school?" Tyler asks him as they make their way out of the bathroom. "Zach and Maddy have been begging me to take them trick or treating since June, but then we can head over to the Halloween carnival after." 

Mark's not really looking forward to the carnival after school. Mostly because he didn't have a costume and because he hates Halloween, but the IT club was hosting the apple bobbing station and as president of the club he had to be there.  

"Sure," Mark nods and Tyler smiles.

"Cool." 

They start to make their way towards English, the only class they had together, and Tyler begins to talk excitedly about the play they were being forced to read.

"Wait, you already started that?" he asks him. "Dude, it isn't due for another six months!"

"It's really interesting," Tyler shrugs. 

"Nerd," Mark teases.

"Says the president of the IT club," Tyler teases back and Mark playfully punches his arm.

They continue arguing and laughing about who the biggest nerd was ("Tyler, you went to Harry Potter camp when you were in middle school." "Dude, we went together." "... Touché.") as they maneuver their way through the crowd.

People still gave them (Mark) weird looks whenever they were seen together. Mark doesn't know if Tyler's aware of it or not; he was probably used to people staring at him by now, being captain of the basketball team and popular and all. He, most likely, didn't mind.

Mark doesn't mind either. He's decided long ago that being seen as the weird, nerdy, freak sidekick to the captain of the basketball team was better than not being seen at all.

* * *

He knows he shouldn't be surprised every time he comes over to Tyler's house - he's practically been living here since middle school - but he'll never get over how warm and safe it feels.

Which is completely ironic, he knows. 

But it was just so full of  _life_ compared to his parent's house.

Maddy greets them at the door with a huge, toothy grin. She's already in her costume, Elsa (and really, when was that movie going to die down it had been almost  _three years_ , jeez), as she hugs Tyler tightly before turning to Mark and doing the same. He feels like the air is taken out of him after she lets go. For a six-year-old, she was really freaking strong, holy crap.

"Mark! Tyler!" she greets excitedly, practically bouncing. "Do you like my costume? Mommy took me to the store to buy it today! And now Zach's with Daddy buying his!" She does a little spin and beams up at them.

"What costume?" Mark feigns confusion. "Aren't those your everyday, normal clothes?"

Maddy giggles and does another little spin. 

"Your dress is very lovely, Princess," Tyler says in a bad posh accent and bows to her. 

"Elsa is Norwegian, not English," Mark mutters - and, wow, why did he know that - but bows also. 

Tyler throws him a jaded look and mouths the word 'nerd'. Mark sticks his tongue out at him.

Maddy crosses her arms. "Elsa isn't a  _princess_. She's a  _queen_!" 

"Oh, my sincerest apologies," Tyler continues to talk in his terrible posh accent and bows down even lower. "Will the  _Queen_ forgive us?"

"Hmm," Maddy muses and taps on her chin as if she were considering it. Then, in her own interpretation of a posh accent, says, "No."

"She's Norwegian-"

"Mark, you nerd, shut up." 

"The Queen does not forgive you," Maddy continues in her accent. At least she sounded better than Tyler. "And declares that Mark is a nerd." Never mind. 

"Hey!" Mark pouts and Maddy smiles impishly at him.

"Oh, really?" Tyler looks at Maddy and smiles at her mischievously. "I know what'll change your mind." 

Maddy squeals in delight as Tyler swoops her up in his arms and begins to tickle her. Mark smiles as he watches them. Tyler was always at his happiest when he was with his siblings, it was so great to see.

He pulls his video camera out to record them in their little bubble of happiness, and maybe he should feel like an outsider looking in on a sweet moment between siblings; maybe he should feel awkward because he so obviously doesn't fit into their family, but the Joseph's (minus Mr. and Mrs. Joseph) always made him feel like he belonged to something. Like he actually mattered.

He couldn't NOT record them.  

It was probably pretty lame and sort of creepy, but whenever he was having a bad day - or a particularly bad exchange with his parents (which was always) - he would rewatch his videos of them. They made him feel at home.

Tyler didn't seem to mind being recorded after Mark had explained himself.

Mark laughs when Maddy accidentally elbows Tyler in the face and she begins to apologize profusely and kiss his cheek repeatedly. He finally understands where the warmth in the house emits from.

"Maddy," Mrs. Joseph's voice rings through the house suddenly. "What are you laughing about? Is Tyler home?"

Mark feels goosebumps rise on his arms and just like that, the warmth and happiness in the house get sucked out. 

Tyler's humor and color are immediately drained from his face and he sets Maddy down carefully. Mark's never heard him say anything bad about his parents, ever, but he's sure Tyler would agree that his mom was a human dementor.

Maddy continues to giggle as she answers back. "Yes, Mommy! Mark too!" She begins to pull on Tyler and Mark's sleeves excitedly and drags them towards the kitchen. "Mom made pumpkin pie!" She beams up at Tyler. "Your favorite, Tyler! Are you happy?"

Tyler smiles back weakly and gives her a small nod. "So happy, Mads." 

Mrs. Joseph is pulling a pie out of the oven and setting it on the table carefully when they walk in. She wipes her hands on her apron and smiles over at them. Mark swears he can see a flicker of anger in her eyes when she turns to Tyler, but it disappears pretty quickly. Mark knows that Tyler's parents would never fall out of conduct when Maddy, Zach or Jay was around.

"Hello, Mark," she says pleasantly, but to him, it sounds like complete evil. Like, Voldemort evil.

No, scratch that, Dolores Umbridge evil.

She wipes her hands on her apron again and cuts out two slices of pie before placing them on a plate and handing them to him and Maddy.

"Would you mind taking Maddy upstairs for a moment? Jay's up there taking a nap so please try not to make any noise. I have to talk to Tyler." Tyler stiffens next to him and Mark wants to tell her to go screw herself.

"Okay," he says softly, because what else _could_ he say? 

 _You're the actual embodiment of all things evil in this world and you don't deserve to have Tyler as a son_?

He'd get kicked out of the house and not be able to hang out with Tyler anymore. No one would win in that situation. Mark grits his teeth but places a gentle hand on Maddy's shoulder. "Come on, Mads. Let's go upstairs. You can show me all your stuffed animals again." 

"Yay!" Maddy cheers. She takes Mark's hand and begins steering them out of the kitchen, but suddenly stops and turns around. "Wait, Mommy, doesn't Tyler get any?" Maddy asks and points at her pie. "It's his favorite!" 

Mark feels his heart sink at that, knowing that she means well, but Maddy and Zach were completely oblivious to what their parents did to their older brother. To Maddy and Zach (and basically the whole town and anyone who met them), Mr. and Mrs. Joseph were the perfect parents. 

If only they knew half of the abuse.

"Later, honey," she smiles sweetly at her and steps over to Tyler. "I just have to talk to your big brother first, okay? And if he's been good, then he'll get his pie." She pats Tyler's cheek softly and Tyler flinches back away from her instinctively. Maddy doesn't seem to notice, though.  

"Okay!" she smiles. She tugs on Mark's hand again and starts to veer them out of the kitchen and into the hallway. He throws Tyler one last glance, but he's looking down at the floor. "I have a lot of new things to show you, Marky Mark!" 

He sighs at the nickname, but follows her down the hallway anyway and listens to her excitedly gush and catch him up on her newest addition to her stuffed animal family, Mr. Bear The Fifth. He stops her once they reach the foot of the stairs.

"Hey, Mads, I'd love to hear more about how Mr. Bear The Third and Ms. Nesbitt finally got together, but I have to go use the bathroom real quick. Can you take my pie up with you? I'll meet you in your room in a little bit."

Maddy nods and takes his plate from him and he smiles down at her thankfully. 

"Don't take too long," she sing songs and giggles when Mark ruffles her hair. 

He watches her run up the stairs but doesn't move away from his spot until he hears her door close. 

He's surprised (but also not really) that he can already hear Mrs. Joseph's raised voice from the hallway. He can't exactly make out every word she's saying, all he can really hear, all he can really _feel_ , is the anger emitting from it.

He takes his video camera out from his backpack again and readies it as he reaches the end of the hallway. Mark can't do much of anything to help, but at least he can catch whatever happens on video.

Mark does his best to keep quiet as he tiptoes his way into the living room - which looks directly into the kitchen - and ducks down behind Mr. Joseph's arm chair. It smells like awful father. 

"- studied more than you wouldn't have gotten yourself into this predicament!" he hears Mrs. Joseph spit out at Tyler.

He peeks over the top of the armrest, careful not to make himself noticeable, and points his camera towards the kitchen.

Tyler's much taller than his mom, but he's never looked so small.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Tyler says feebly and his mom laughs coldly. It's the most disgusting sound Mark's ever heard.

"Sorry? You're  _sorry_? If you were actually sorry you wouldn't have gotten an F in the first place! This is the beginning of a long trail of more academic failure." She places a finger on Tyler's chest. "Do you think we have the money to put you through college ourselves? Do you think scholarships and scouts are going to be interested in you if you get anything lower than an A? Absolutely not!" She shakes her head and takes a step closer to Tyler. "Honestly, Tyler, did you even  _study_ for the test?"

"Yes, ma'am, I- I did study."

"Well, then how did you manage to score an F?" 

"I- I don't know, ma'am. I -I was tired, I think." Tyler grimaces and Mark does too. That was the worst response he could've used.

"Tired? Tired from  _what_ , Tyler? What could you possibly have to do that would make you tired enough to get an F?" Her voice was increasing in volume and anger with every passing second. "And quit stuttering you sound like an idiot." 

"I- I just had a long shift a- at work, after basketball practice and I- I didn't get much sleep-"

The slap rings so loud throughout the house, Mark feels like he may have gone deaf for a few seconds.

"I told you," Mrs. Joseph says slowly and runs a hand down Tyler's face gently, "to stop fucking stuttering."

Mark bites the inside of his cheek when he notices that she left Tyler's cheek a stinging red. Had she slapped him with the back of her ring hand? God, she did.

Tyler's eyes are so wide, he looks like a trapped animal as his mom continues to berate him. 

"Honestly, Tyler, this hurts me more than it hurts you, but what else are we going to do with you? Is this the only way you seem to understand? Because if yes, then you know there's more where that came from."

Tyler doesn't reply. His gaze is on his mom, but it looks unfocused and far away and Mark knows he's gone. 

Mrs. Joseph seems to take his silence as a yes so she slaps him again, harder and louder than the first time, and in the same spot as before. Tyler stumbles back from the force of the hit and Mark bites the inside of his cheek harder, tasting blood, but not caring.

He hated Kelly Joseph. He hated her so much.

Mrs. Joseph opens her mouth and is about to say something else, but the sound of the front door opening startles her. 

"Mom, we're home," Mark hears Zach call out and he immediately straightens up and moves away from his spot behind the chair. He stumbles on his way back to the hallway but catches himself on the kitchen's door frame. 

Luckily, Mrs. Joseph's back is turned to him so she doesn't see him.

"Go to your room. Don't let your siblings see you. Your dad will finish talking to you later," he hears Mrs. Joseph mutter and sees her shove Tyler out of the kitchen. He scrambles to make his way into the hall as she turns around.

He feels like he's about to throw up.

Mark sits on the bottom step of the stairs and plays with his camera - and tries his best not to puke - as he waits for Tyler to come. He can hear Mr. Joseph's booming voice followed by Zach and Mrs. Joseph's laughter. How could she be laughing after what had just happened?

He shouldn't be surprised at seeing bruises on Tyler anymore.

Which is an awful thing to say and to be used to, but  _blood..._

 _... blood_ is new.

His stomach twists nauseously again when he catches sight of the cut on Tyler's cheek - long and thin. 

The skin around the cut is swollen and red and Mark knows that it was sure to turn into a bruise as well.

He stands up quickly and opens his arms and Tyler immediately falls into them, not even trying to hold himself up as he leans against Mark.

Luckily, he was thin and not heavy. 

Unfortunately, he was that way for horrible reasons.

"I got you," Mark mumbles into Tyler's hair and wraps his arms around Tyler's trembling body. "I got you."

He slowly ushers them up to his room, careful not to let Maddy see.

* * *

"Maddy, stay off the street, okay?" Tyler holds his hand out for her to take as she begins to travel slightly off the sidewalk.

"But everyone else is on the street! There are no cars passing by!" Maddie pouts, but Mark sees her hold onto Tyler's hand tightly anyway. "How come Zack doesn't have to hold your hand?"

Zach, who's walking ahead of them, turns around and lifts his Kylo Ren mask up to stick his tongue out. "'s because I'm way older than you, Mads. I'm 10 and you're only six. You're little."

They see another house giving out candy a few ways down the street and he begins to sprint to it.

"Zach, slow down!" Tyler calls out to him and Mark can't help but notice how tired he sounds. 

They'd been trick or treating for about two hours now and Mark's surprised Tyler hasn't collapsed yet. He also doesn't know how Tyler was going to survive the rest of the night at the carnival.

"Tyler," Maddy tugs on his hand, but he doesn't really seem to notice.

They'd gone back to Mark's house (his parents weren't there, as usual) to pick up his costume - Edward Scissorhands, minus the scissor hands. So he was basically just a really pale dude with weird hair. 

"So just you on a normal day then," Tyler had offered warily. His cheek had stopped bleeding by the time they had reached Mark's house, but he was still so disoriented and not 100% there. Mark still felt like throwing up. 

Tyler had stayed still and quiet the whole time Mark painted his face. He chose to paint him as a skeleton to hide his still swollen and red cheek, but it did nothing to help cover up the enervation in his eyes.

"Tyler," Maddy whines, bringing them both out of their thoughts, "you're so slow! Zach's already gonna get his candy!" 

"Sorry," Tyler mumbles and lets go of Maddy's hand. "Be careful, okay?" Maddy nods and takes off after her brother. 

Mark chews on his bottom lip as they follow Maddy and Zach and sneaks a look over to Tyler. He hasn't directed a word towards him after they returned back to his house to collect Maddy and Zach, and Mark knows Tyler's not mad at him, but it's still unsettling.

The street lights they pass under illuminates Tyler's face, giving him such an eerie vibe, Mark has to admit he did a pretty good job on the makeup.

"Do you think I should talk to Josh at the carnival?" Tyler suddenly asks. His eyes, which were glancing up and down the street anxiously, were now intently focused on his younger siblings.

Mark sighs. Why did Josh matter at this moment?

"Is he gonna be there?" Mark asks anyway and Tyler nods.

"We talked about it last week and then I heard him talking to his friends about it today."

Mark feels his stomach churn uncomfortably and he turns to look over at Maddy and Zach as well - they were just about to get their candy. He hates this feeling. He had no right to feel jealous of Josh, but he knew that if Tyler went off and talked to Josh during the carnival then he wouldn't see him for the rest of the night. And he'd be alone again. 

Josh, Mark has to admit, was better at calming Tyler down than he was.

It didn't mean he couldn't feel resentful about it.

"No," he answers before he can stop himself. Tyler tears his focus away from Zach and Maddy to raise an eyebrow at him. "Um, he's going to be with all of his friends, you know? Don't you think they'll see you talking to him?"

Tyler opens his mouth to say something but shuts it. He grimaces and scuffs his shoe at the pavement. 

Mark feels bad, he really does, but he never knew when to shut up. 

"Besides," he shrugs, "I'm pretty sure he's already told them everything about you two anyway-"

"You think he'd do that?" Tyler interrupts, giving him a dubious, but afraid look as he chews on his bottom lip. "That doesn't sound like him."

 _Since when did you become the expert on Josh Dun_? he thinks, but shrugs.

"I don't know, I mean, he's  _really_ close his friends. They're not really good at keeping quiet about secrets either. Like the other day, I overheard Brendon Urie tell Dallon Weekes about your guys' run in in the hall a couple weeks ago in history class. I'm pretty sure the whole class heard, I mean, that guy doesn't know how to whisper. Who knows what else they 'whisper' about during school?"

Tyler's face goes through an array of emotions before settling on angry. 

Which... wasn't what Mark was going for or expecting... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to tell him that...

"Tyler, Tyler! Look how much candy we got!" Maddy and Zach come running back excitedly, their bags of candy open wide for Mark and Tyler to see.

Tyler's expression changes and he smiles down at them. The tiredness in his eyes was now replaced with anger and Mark knows it's directed towards Josh.

"You gonna share with me?" he smiles and reaches for their candy. They giggle and try to get away, but Tyler manages to pick Maddy up and spin her around. 

Zach stops him after a few seconds with a poke of his lightsaber. "Ty, 'm kinda tired. Can we go home now?"

"I'm tired, too," Maddy yawns and Tyler holds on to her tightly as she wraps her arms around his neck and nestles her head onto his shoulder.

"Yeah, come on. Mom and Dad wanted you guys home early anyway." He takes Maddy's candy from her and holds onto it with one hand while he carries Maddy with the other.

Zach holds his candy out for Mark to take so that he's not burdened with the weight himself. Mark huffs amusedly and tickles Zach's side.

"I'm gonna eat all of this on the walk home, just so you know," he jokes and Zach giggles and swats at him with his lightsaber before holding Mark's hand.

He turns to look at Tyler as they begin to walk back home, surprised to see that he still looked troubled and angry. Tyler wasn't one to hold onto grudges or lash out. 

Mark feels guilt begin to rise up inside him.

* * *

They head over to _their place_  after the carnival ends.

They've been meeting there (an old, rundown building that overlooks the town) since the beginning of seventh grade.

Well, they  _met_ there at the beginning of seventh grade.

Mark had always loved going to this place when he just couldn't handle being alone at home anymore. Looking into the city made him feel more connected to it somehow. Less alone.

Tyler happened to be there one night, his legs dangling over the edge as he looked over the city with a black eye.

They climb up the flight of stairs to the top and make their way over to the ledge. Tyler sits down and swings his legs over, letting them dangle over the edge. 

Mark sits down next to him but keeps his distance from the edge. He loved looking over the town, but he was afraid of heights.

They sit in silence for a while. The only sounds around them the sounds of distant cars zooming by and laughter from teenagers still having their fun with Halloween antics. Tyler's so uncharacteristically quiet, Mark nudges him with his shoulder.

Tyler smiles softly, but the disillusioned look remains on his face. The skeleton makeup was long gone due to the fall he took at the carnival, but his face still looked so hollow and empty.

"I deserved it, you know."

Mark looks over at him and raises an eyebrow as if to ask for more clarification, but Tyler just sighs and rubs at his wrists. He doesn't offer anything else.

"Are you talking about what happened at the carnival?" Mark guesses and plays around with the buttons on his camera. "Because, yeah, you kinda did," he teases.

Tyler exhales through his nose. "Yeah, I deserved that, too." He grimaces and bounces his legs. "What Shane and Trace said to Josh and his friends... god, that was horrible. They were about to _fight_  and what did _I_ do? Just sat there and _watched_." Tyler shakes his head in disgust and he glares down at his clenched hands before his expression slowly turns into a sad one. "But no, that's not what I mean."

"If you're talking about what your mom did," Mark starts slowly and places a hand on Tyler's knee to still the bouncing, "then you're crazy. That was, in no way, your fault Tyler."

They've had this talk before; Tyler always feeling guilty about his parents' abuse and Mark trying to convince him it wasn't his fault, but Tyler never seemed to believe him.

Tyler runs a hand through his hair, tugging gently before letting it fall into his lap. He turns to look at him, a wary smile on his face, and Mark can tell he's trying his best to hold back tears. Tyler turns to look at the street below them.

He has that look on his face - the one he always gets when something bad happens to him or when he get too overwhelmed or caught up in his head. A look he was all too familiar with seeing on Tyler's face (and his own whenever he spent even a few minutes at home with his parents). 

A look that meant  _I deserve this. I'm the one to blame for all of this._

Mark hates that look.

"Tyler," Mark says softly, but seriously. "It's not your fault." 

Tyler nods, but it doesn't look like he even heard anything Mark had just said. He continues to look over the ledge and Mark notices a few tears have escaping and running down his face.

"If I just hadn't - If I just didn't fuck up all the time, they wouldn't  _have_ to punish me, you know? They only want what's best for me and I keep failing them. It's not their fault. It's not their fault! I bring this on to myself, I always give them reasons to do it. Even after things seem to be going well, I always go and ruin it... I... it-" Tyler draws a shaky breath and more tears fall from his face and down to the street below. 

Mark wraps a hand around Tyler's shoulder and brings him in close to him. Mark's never been good with words and he feels useless for not being more of a help to Tyler, but Tyler stops trembling and eventually his breathing slows down to a normal pace. 

"I got another video," Mark says after a few minutes pass. Tyler pulls away from him. "I was thinking that maybe we could finally show all of them to the po-"

"No." Tyler shakes his head and glances at Mark before looking down at his lap. "No."

Mark sighs. He was already expecting that response, but it still made his heart sink. 

Tyler would do anything to protect his siblings, no matter what it cost him.

They had no other family that would take them in and Tyler wasn't even 18 yet, so they'd all get separated. 

 _And besides,_ Tyler had reasoned one day,  _they're happy with them. Who am I to take away their happiness?_

He knows Tyler wasn't going to budge on the matter anytime soon. He was too selfless.

But he had to at least try.

"You're overworked, Tyler. They overwork you. You have school to deal with, basketball practice, an underpaying job at a fast food restaurant and your parents are just piling on to all of that. We have to do something! We can figure out all the details later, but-"

"No," Tyler repeats more seriously. He eyes Mark disdainfully. "Just... just drop it, okay? Please. Besides, you're on the same boat with _your_  parents and you don't do anything about it either. Isn't it kinda hypocritical of you to be lecturing me about this?"

Mark gapes at him for a couple of seconds, then clenches his jaw and turns his gaze away to look down at the street below.

"Sorry," Tyler says immediately after. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Mark. I- I'm just still so hung up about what happened at the carnival."

Mark clicks his tongue and snorts. Of all the things to be worrying about right now, Tyler chooses Josh. 

Of course. 

Tyler was drifting further and further away from Mark, he could feel it.

Before he knows it, Tyler would be spending all his free time, which wasn't a lot, to begin with in the first place, with Josh and Mark would be long forgotten like always.

He was starting to feel like a footnote in his best friend's life.

"Do you like him?" he asks quietly, and then even more softly he adds in, "You really like guys then?"

Not that Mark cares about Tyler's sexuality, he would love him no matter what and Tyler knows this. He was just so upset at the thought of losing him to  _Josh Dun._

Tyler's face pales and heats up at the same time and Mark wonders if that's even possible.

"It's- it's not that I'm attracted to guys. Or girls for that matter. Or, just, anyone, honestly. It's just...  _Josh..._ that I feel weirdly connected to. He... he helps me feel better, I don't know why and I don't really want to think about why, but I just know that I've never felt so connected to someone before."  _Ouch._ "I feel better when I'm around him like I can be myself and I don't know why, but I hate it. I hate it and I don't know what to do."

Mark likes to think that he typically isn't a shitty person. If Tyler were anyone else, he would tell him to stop being an idiot and ask Josh for forgiveness and tell him how he felt. 

But this wasn't just some person. It was  _Tyler_.

His best friend.

His  _only_ friend. 

Who had been spending more and more time with some blue haired punk guy and less time with him.

Mark couldn't lose Tyler to Josh.

Josh had other friends, he'd be okay. They'd be there to support him. He didn't need Tyler like Mark did.

So that's why the next sentence out of his mouth doesn't make him feel too guilty.

"I think you should give him his space," he says easily and Tyler bites his lip and looks out to the town. "He's probably still upset about what happened during the carnival. Who knows if he'll ever get over it."

Tyler nods his head but doesn't say anything else for a while. "Okay. Yeah, okay, you're probably right," he gives Mark a small, sad smile. "Thanks, Mark."

Mark tries to smile back, but it feels too forced. 

He turns to look out into the town and lets the sound of a dog barking in the distance distract him.

As long as he had Tyler and Tyler had him, everything would be okay.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the ending sounds rushed?!??! anyway, I know zack, maddy, and jay's ages are off and that they'd all be older irl when tyler was a senior, but let's just pretend ok?  
> sorry for so many hp references :// I am such a slut for hp!!! (Tyler's totally a slytherin and josh is a hufflepuff)  
> anyway thank you all so much for reading!!!!


	7. I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

"There is no way. There is no fucking way they're even going to let you onto school grounds with that shirt on," Josh breathes out in disbelief as he watches Brendon step out of his house.

"Oh, my god," Ashley says from her spot on Josh's back. "Brendon, what the hell? Go change!"

"Why... why would you even buy that in the first place...?" Josh shakes his head incredulously.

Brendon walks down the steps and makes his way towards them. He just rolls his eyes and dusts off his shirt, which has the PornHub logo displayed on it, and walks past them and begins to make his way towards the direction of school.

"It's performance art," he states and waves his hand back at them. "You guys wouldn't understand."

"What is there to understand? That you love porn?" Josh snorts and begins to walk after him. 

Ashley lets out an alarmed squeak and wraps her arms around his neck to keep from falling. "Hey! Give me a little bit of a warning before you start moving, will ya?" she huffs and playfully tugs his beanie down. Josh shimmies around purposefully as he continues to follow Brendon and she lets out another frightened sound and tightens her grip on him even more. "Josh, you ass!"

"Hey, you knew the risks when you jumped onto my back without a warning!" He chuckles when he hears her blow a raspberry.

"My legs were tired from walking all the way to your house," she whines and wraps them around Josh's waist to keep her balance as he quickens his pace to catch up to Brendon - who was being uncharacteristically quiet. 

Walking to school together had become routine a few weeks ago after his friends began to notice how disconcerted he'd become and wouldn't offer any insight as to why. But he couldn't really explain to them that the reason he was so upset was because Tyler Joseph stopped showing up to their after school meetings a month ago and he had no idea why or if he was okay or how he'd gotten those bruises and cut on his cheek; and he couldn't even talk to him because he was even more cold and distant than ever before and Josh didn't understand  _why_ and he couldn't even talk to Mark about it, because he was dodging him too and couldn't get ten feet near him without him running off or finding an excuse to leave the room.

Josh tenses and takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He couldn't do anything about it, it seemed, and it was driving him crazy. 

"You okay?" Ashley whispers and Josh nods. He knows he's not even being convincing anymore, but oh well.

He was pretty sure his friends held secret meetings to talk about him and his unusual behavior and walking him to and from school was just their attempt at trying to get him to open up, but he kept quiet.

They would all walk back home to Josh's house after school and it was actually refreshing hanging out with his friends again, even if they were worried about him and doing it more as a way to check up on him. 

And it sucked because he  _knew_ he was being sulky and moody. He  _knew_ his friends were actually really worried about him and every time they tried to bring it up and ask him about it, he would just assure them that he was okay and was just stressing over school work and college applications - which wasn't actually a lie.

But Josh couldn't help it. It's been a month, ( _a month!!!_ ) since Tyler had come around.

A month without having touched or kissed him...

"Can we go back to Brendon's shirt, please?" Ashley breaks the silence, bringing Josh out of his thoughts. They'd stop at a crosswalk and were waiting for cars to pass before crossing the street. An elderly lady who was out watering her plants threw them a disgusted look and then an even nastier one when she saw Brendon's shirt. "Like, dude, what do you mean by performance art?"

Josh nods along in agreement. "And aren't you cold? It's almost the end of November and you're not wearing a sweater."

"Shit, yeah, I'm cold!" Brendon exclaims as he waves goodbye to the elderly woman as they start to cross the street. "But at the same time, I'm not. You wanna know why?"

"You're a vampire?" Josh guesses. 

"That explains your pasty complexion and dependency on glitter," Ashley laughs and Brendon flips them off, but he laughs too.

"No, you dicks," he says and stops walking to turn around and face them. "It's because," he leans in close as if he's about to share a secret, "Hoes! Never! Get! Cold!" He claps in between each word to emphasize his point and smiles in satisfaction. 

Josh loves his friends, he really does, but he wishes they would just let him walk to school alone.

Ashley bursts out laughing and rests her head on Josh's shoulder. Josh can't help but crack a smile too as Brendon falls into step next to them, but he can't help but notice the wariness in Brendon's eyes. 

He doesn't bring it up until they're across the street from the school. Ashley slides off of Josh's back (the cold air hits his back and he shivers and shoulders his backpack) and stops Brendon before they can cross the street.

There are more people around now, more people casting disapproving looks towards them, but Brendon doesn't seem perturbed by any of it, which is his usual behavior, but the nervous gleam in his eyes isn't.

"Okay, really, what's up with the shirt?" Ashley asks him and Brendon bites his lip and lowers his gaze and shrugs. 

"It-it's stupid, I don't know," he hesitates, but Ashley rests a hand on his arm and Josh gives him a reassuring glance and Brendon sighs before nodding and continuing. "Okay, well the other day in English we had to read poems that, um, ' _showcased our love_ '. Which I was excited for, of course, because I love to talk about my love for Dallon, but which was also totally unfair, because Mr. Urine is totally homophobic just like everybody else in this town, but he doesn't even try to hide it and has it out for me." He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Anyway, he was basically doing this to try and humiliate me, you know? Make me the joke of the class or something, because he  _knew_ I was going to choose Dallon to talk about, but jokes on him, because I'm super fucking gay and don't give a shit about what he or any other homophobe thinks, so, yes, I chose a gay poem. Of course."

"Of course," Ashley nods.

"What'd you choose?" Josh asks.

"Shakespeare's Sonnet 18. You know," he does an exaggerated British accent, "'Shall I compare thee to a summers day,'" and returns his voice back to normal. "That one. But Mr. Urine was horrified that I chose Shakespeare to 'use as an outlet for my sins' - he called it a tragedy - and I mean, he's an English teacher, doesn't he know Shakespeare was pretty fucking gay himself? I mean, you don't write multiple poems about a dude and just slap a #yolonohomo on it and everything's straight." Brendon huffs and rakes a hand through his hair.

"Anyway, I was telling him that I write sins, not tragedies and that seemed to piss him off even more because he said, and I quote, ' _Shakespeare wasn't a faggot. He was successful and brilliant unlike you, who'll probably end up doing gay porn online to survive_.'"

Brendon grimaces as Ashley and Josh's eyes widen in surprise.

"Brendon, you have to report that to the front office," Ashley says softly after a few seconds and squeezes his arm.

"Yeah?" Brendon scoffs and kicks some stray rocks onto the street. "And what good would that do? All of them are homophobic assholes just like him. They'd probably just laugh along just like the rest of the class did. Maybe even give him a raise."

Josh and Ashley exchange wary glances and don't offer any more advice, because, yeah. Brendon was right. It sucked, but he was right.

They were so used to the homophobia and discrimination that was thrown their way by now. It was just a part of their daily lives. Brendon was always the one to put on a brave face and act as if it never affected him, but right now he looks close to tears and Josh feels sadness and anger mix inside him.

Brendon, as much as he didn't show it, was the one who got the most upset when it came to things like this. But he was also the one who always took back charge and threw himself back harder.

Brendon composes himself and forces out a laugh. "I paid overnight shipping for this shirt, but it was worth it. Just as long as he sees me in this, I don't care. I don't care! I'm going to fucking embrace his homophobic insults and he's not going to be able to throw anything else at me that'll hurt. No one will."

Josh was finding his shirt to be pretty inspirational.

Brendon was smiling now, trying his best to put on a brave face, but Josh could sense that he still wasn't okay and throws Ashley a look. She nods back.

Josh slings an arm around Brendon's shoulder as Ashley slings one around his waist on his opposite side. Brendon relaxes into their touch as they make their way towards school. 

"Order me one, okay?" Josh tells him and Ashley hums in agreement.

"And one for me and Hayley. Actually," she thinks aloud, "get one for all of us. We can all match. We'll have like a gayer Mean Girls thing going on."

"On Wednesdays, we wear our PornHub shirts," Josh smiles.

Brendon smiles back and he hugs Josh and Ashley closer to him. "I actually already ordered all of us one," he admits sheepishly. "I can't wait to see what Patrick thinks of his," he snickers and Josh and Ashley laugh along.

They make their way into the school like that and ignore everyone's shocked and disgusted reactions.

* * *

"I can't believe you got away with just a detention," Patrick muses as he sets his lunch tray on the table and plops down next to Pete. Pete places a chaste kiss on his lips before taking some of the mashed potatoes off his plate (the school's attempt at a Thanksgiving meal before they left for the holiday) and moaning. Patrick rolls his eyes but turns his attention back to Brendon. "How'd that even happen?"

Brendon flashes them all a smile and waggles his eyebrows. "Mr. Urine was absolutely _livid_. I didn't think a person's face could turn that red, I'm actually sorta impressed," Brendon muses as he takes a bite out of - what was supposed to be - turkey and smiles as he continues his story. "He was threatening expulsion, but Mr. Ross - who's class is next door - overheard and came to check out what all the screaming was about." He takes a dramatic pause and shovels some macaroni in his mouth. 

"And?" Ashley asks excitedly after a while.

"He told him that it wasn't that big of a deal," Brendon smiles brightly. Everyone at the table applauds. "I'm pretty sure he has a thing for me." Everyone at the table groans. "No, no, hear me out! Last week, when I dropped my pencil on the floor to bend over for Dallon-"

"I  _knew_ that was on purpose!" Hayley interjects. 

"- I swear I felt another pair of eyes checking out my hot buns-"

"Brendon, you have no ass."

"Who still uses the term  _buns_?"

"Babe, you literally shouted out 'Oops, I did it again!' before bending over. You did the _bend and snap_. The whole  _class_ was looking at you," Dallon adds in mirthfully and Brendon huffs in exasperation. 

"Can you guys just let me have this moment?" he does some weird hand flailing motion and Josh has to duck his head down to avoid getting hit. His hand still connects slightly with his head and sends his beanie flying off.

"Dude!" Josh remarks.

He turns around to pick up his beanie and place it back on his head and out of the corner of his eye he sees Tyler looking at him. Josh meets his gaze and Tyler quickly looks away, his face flushing slightly.

Brendon throws himself back into his story about how Mr. Ross was in love with him, but Josh isn't listening anymore. He lets his eyes wander over to Tyler's table - located in the middle of the room, crowded with the rest of the basketball team, cheerleaders, and other people considered 'popular' - and desperately tries to send him a mental message.

_Look at me, look at me, look at me, please._

Tyler doesn't turn around to look at him, but it's obvious he's purposefully avoiding him as he begins to laugh, too loudly, at something Jenna Black just said.

Josh's heart sinks, but he doesn't turn his gaze away from him - instead he takes the time to study him as Tyler animatedly begins to respond to whatever Jenna had said to him.

The bruise around his cheek had almost completely faded, but the long, thin cut had turned into a scar. It wasn't really noticeable unless you inspected his face closely, though, but Josh's stomach still twists uneasily at the sight of the barely visible mark. It dances in a sycophantic way across Tyler's cheek every time he laughs or smiles as if teasing him - screaming  _I know something you don't know_. 

Josh bites his lip. Not being able to talk to Tyler was driving him crazy. Four weeks without Tyler Joseph was four weeks too many.

He tries to replay their last interaction in his mind again to see if there was something that hinted as to why Tyler had just suddenly stopped showing up to their meetings but all he could remember was the anger in his eyes before he had dunked him into the tub of water. 

Maybe... maybe Tyler no longer needed him. Was he doing better on his own that he no longer needed to run to Josh?

No. The bruises and cut on his face proved otherwise, but still, he couldn't help but that think that that was the case. Because, really, as much as he tried to pretend that it wasn't true, that was all he was to Tyler after all - someone to run to and just use to take his mind off things when he needed a place to escape to.

Their relationship, or whatever they had, wasn't genuine as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise. 

Maybe... maybe Tyler found someone  _else_ to run to. Josh grimaces as he mulls over this possibility and gazes over at Tyler again, running through the options.

It definitely wasn't Mark. Josh could see that their relationship was purely platonic (and  _real_ unlike his and Josh's). Mark was also 1000000% straight; and besides, he was sure Tyler wouldn't have run off to another guy - not after all those 'no homo' speeches he'd given him for weeks.

Jenna's laughter brings him out of his thoughts and he turns to look at her. Her eyes shimmer with delight as Tyler wipes a bit of gravy off his face and he gives her a mischievous smile before smearing some onto her face as well.

Josh sighs inwardly, because of course. How did he not think of Jenna before? She was the ultimate girl next door and seemed to be just as close to Tyler as Mark was. They'd always been seen together since freshman year and Josh himself was surprised when he found out that they weren't actually dating.

Her family was just as involved in the church as Tyler's was, she was just as popular. Even Hayley and Ashley admitted to having had a crush on her before they started to date each other. Oh, god, he'd moved on to Jenna didn't he?

Avril Lavigne's Sk8r Boi plays in his mind ( _He was the captain of the basketball team, she was the captain of the cheerleading team. Can I make it more obvious?_ ) - it was so cliche, of course, Tyler would have chosen her - and he turns his gaze away from them and tries to jump back into his friend's conversation.

Luckily, his friends didn't seem to notice how distracted he was. 

"Wait," Hayley cuts into whatever Pete was saying, "what's a... bro? back?"

Pete's eyes light up. "It's how Patrick and I first met, actually-"

"No. No, it wasn't," Patrick interrupts. 

"- how our first time went-" 

"No."

"Okay, fine. It's when two guys - two bros if you will - love each other very much and decide to do it bareback. Bro," Pete lifts one hand to demonstrate, "back," and he lifts the other and then slaps them together. "Broback. TM. I'm trademarking that shit, so don't any of you fuckers get any ideas." He points a finger warningly at all of them.

"Pete," Ashley smiles at him and rests a hand on his. "That's even worse than Brendon's assumption about Mr. Ross being in love with him."

"It's true!" Brendon insists and they all laugh. Pete sticks his tongue out at Ashley before popping some more mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"Screw you, Ash." 

"Job's already taken," Hayley salutes him and Ashley giggles. 

"Wait," Dallon says as if he's just uncovered something amazing, "that's actually not a bad idea."

"Screwing Ashley?" Patrick raises an eyebrow.

"No, no. No offense Ashley." Dallon shoots her a sorry look and Ashley shrugs. 

"He's strictly dickly," Brendon assures them and pats Dallon's shoulder lovingly.

"The broback thing. That sounds like it would be a cool band name, don't you think?" Dallon asks and smiles hopefully around the table. 

"I already trademarked it Weekes," Pete points his spork at him and Dallon raises his hands defensively.

"How about brobacks with an e then? Brobecks," Josh suggests and Dallon nods.

"Ooo, yes! I like that, I call dibs on Brobecks!" he announces.

Pete accuses him of plagiarism and copyright infringement and that sets the whole table into a discussion on whether or not it is until the bell signaling the end of lunch rings. (They ultimately decide that it isn't and Dallon smiles triumphantly) 

"You're sure your parents are cool with us coming over for Thanksgiving tomorrow?" Patrick asks as they all begin to get up and throw their trash away.

"Definitely," Josh replies with a smile. "The more the merrier."

They all smile back at him and wave their goodbyes as they start heading towards their next classes.

Josh shoulders his backpack and spots Tyler and Jenna walking out of the lunchroom together. They're still laughing and walking very close to each other and Josh feels frozen to the spot for some reason.

Tyler must have felt Josh's gaze on him because he turns to look towards his direction - his eyes locking with Josh's as he continues to walk with Jenna.

He looks hesitant as if he wants to go and walk over to Josh and for a second, Josh feels hopeful, but then Jenna tugs on his sleeve and he turns his attention back to her.

Josh swears he sees a hint of guilt and disappointment in his eyes as Tyler makes his way out of the room with Jenna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i, personally, would die for the brobecks!!! 
> 
> alright this chapter was originally going to be longer, but i decided to cut it in half because 1) i wanted to give you guys an update and 2) i already have the next chapter planned out so it'll (hopefully) be a quick update!!!  
> so, yeah, this is just a filler chapter!!!
> 
> ALSO GUYS,,, AT MY EMOTIONAL ROADSHOW (like a month ago lmao) I GOT TO TOUCH TYLER WHEN HE CROWDSURFED IN THAT RED BALL THING it was great ://// (I also saw Jenna and fell even more in love)


	8. The (Shipped) Gold Standards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry i'm the actual worst at updating :((( i started my first semester at college and i'm also working full time so it's kinda hard to squeeze in time for this story so updates aren't gonna be frequent (but, lili, when where they ever?? lmao) but don't worry, i'm not gonna give up on it!!! i have this whole story planned out and i'm super set on seeing this til the end!!! 
> 
> also, sorry if the joshler scene and ending is rushed and seems so ?? out of character??? i just ran out of ideas and patience and went with whatever came to mind 
> 
> i also wanna thank you all so much for 400+ kudos and 100+ bookmarks :,))) ily all

"Geez, Josh, hasn't anyone ever told you that conditioner exists?" Hayley muses as she runs a hand through Josh's newly dyed, bright pink hair. "Your hair feels like straw, dude." 

Josh pouts and tries to swat her hand away, but she giggles and dodges his attempt. "Not true," he mutters and rakes a hand through his hair, inwardly wincing. She was right. But he doesn't like that fact so he argues. "I love the way my hair feels. It feels like silk."

Hayley snorts and reaches out to feel his hair again, but Josh slumps down further on the couch, away from her. "Last time I checked, silk wasn't supposed to feel like death." He sticks his tongue out at her and she giggles again.

"Can you guys shut up, perhaps?" Pete pipes up. He's spread out on the couch with his head propped on the armrest and his legs spread out on Josh's and Hayley's laps. He nudges Hayley indolently with his foot at an attempt to quiet them and hugs the pillow he'd been clinging on to closer to him. "Edward's about to tell Bella that he's a vampire, dunno how she's gonna take it."

"Pete, you've seen Twilight a billion times  _and_ read the books twice as many times as that. You know how she takes it," Josh tells him, earning him a small kick in response.

"Yeah, but it's still suspenseful so... please... shut the fuck up..."

"Yeah and go condition your hair," Hayley adds and yelps when Pete pushes her with his foot. 

"If you guys keep being rude to me, I'm not gonna feed you," Josh warns them.

"Mom will!" Jordan, his little brother, who was busy playing Uno with Dallon (who was completely absorbed in the game) on the floor, exclaims. "She loves all your friends."

"Ha!" Pete and Hayley smirk at him and Josh rolls his eyes at them but smiles despite himself. His friends were annoying, yeah, but there was no one else he'd be happy about spending Thanksgiving with. 

It sort of become a tradition - them all coming over to the Dun's home to celebrate Thanksgiving - that started off with Ashley and Brendon in freshman year. They'd both just recently come out to their families and, long story short, it didn't end well. Ashley's parents kicked her out of the house (she'd stayed with Josh during that time) and wasn't welcomed back to her own home until three months later, when her parents decided they'd "forgiven" her. She moved back in with them, mostly because she had missed her little brother Sevian too much, but her relationship with her parents just wasn't the same anymore. They tolerated each other and that was that. 

Brendon's parents, on the other hand, tried to use their religion as a mean to "cure" him. Which, of course, didn't end up well at all and ended up with Brendon distancing himself away from religion all together - which, in his parents' eyes, was worse than murder. They didn't kick Brendon out of their house, but pretty much disowned him. They pretended he didn't exist and their silent treatment and ignorance was enough to drive him away completely so he stayed at Dallon's house most of the time. 

Hayley, Pete, Dallon, and Patrick's parents weren't as bad, but they also weren't supportive of their "lifestyle", so Josh's parents welcomed all of them into their house with open arms after that and Thanksgiving become their holiday. 

It made Josh a million times more appreciative for having such great parents that treated his friends just like their own children.

His mind wanders to Tyler and his relationship with his parents momentarily and he can't help but think what Thanksgiving was like at his house. How was he doing? Were his parents even going to  _feed_ him? Was he-

Dallon shouting out  _UNO! UNO! IN YOUR FACE!_ and slamming his cards down on the table interrupts his thoughts and they all turn to look at him.

"Not fair," Jordan whines. "I was just about to hit you with a Draw Four!"

"Sucks to suck, my friend," Dallon breathes out happily and shrugs. Jordan huffs and grudgingly sets his cards down on the table.

Pete pauses the movie and sits up. "Ignore him, J," he reassures Jordan and pats his shoulder. "He gets super competitive whenever he plays anything. This isn't even Dallon right now - it's his alter ego, Daddy Long Legs."

"Daddy... Long Legs...?" Jordan scrunches up his nose at the name and casts a wary glance over at Dallon. 

Pete nods. "Daddy Long Legs likes to take over Dallon's body from time to time. It turns him into a total jerk. He's gotten into a lot of trouble at school because of it." 

"What-" Dallon starts, but Jordan interrupts him.

"How... how do you know it isn't Dallon anymore? What if he's just being a jerk all on his own?" 

"Hey, J-" Dallon starts again, but Josh cuts him off by sighing dramatically. 

"You see, Jordan," Josh whispers, giving him a serious, sad look, before continuing, "whenever Daddy Long Legs takes over, you can feel the air start to get thicker-"

"- the happiness seems to get sucked right out of the room and you," Hayley adds in. Jordan shivers and inches away from Dallon. "You feel on edge-"

"- like you're expecting him to attack at any second," Pete concludes with finality, a sorrow look on his face.

Dallon is staring at them with his mouth hanging open and Josh has to fight the urge not to laugh at how comical he looks. Jordan leans in closer to them and farther away from Dallon, paying rapt attention. "Is there any way to get Dallon back?" he whispers hopefully. 

Josh leans over Hayley to place a hand on his little brother's shoulder. "There is, J, but... you're not gonna like it."

"How? Tell me! Please, please, please, pretty please!" he pleads. 

Josh leans back and turns to look at Hayley, nodding at her. She nods back gravely before turning to face Jordan. "Jordan, you know how Voldemort removed pieces of his soul in order to live forever?" 

"Yeah! He used Horcruxes," Jordan whispers and nods quickly. 

"Are you guys really comparing me to Voldemort?' 

"Exactly!" Hayley replies, both to Jordan and Dallon. "Well, it's sort of like that. Every time Daddy Long Legs wins at anything, a piece of Dallon's soul breaks off and he turns more and more into Daddy Long Legs." Jordan gasps and Hayley nudges Pete with her elbow for him to continue.

"To be honest, J, we don't really know how much of Dallon there really is left... but there's only one way to find out." Pete states and Josh and Hayley snicker when Dallon flips them off from behind Jordan's back.

"How?" Jordan asks, eyes practically bulging out.

Pete motions for Jordan to huddle in closer. "You have to defeat him at his own game. Jordan, you're the only one who can defeat Daddy Long Legs." Jordan gapes at them in surprise for a couple seconds before a determined look flashes through his face and he nods. He turns around to face Dallon.

Dallon sighs and picks the Uno cards back up and starts to shuffle them. "Alright, Jordan, we can have a rematch if that'll make you feel better, but I don't think-" 

Dallon's cut off by Jordan literally pouncing on him, causing them both to stumble backwards onto the floor with a loud  _oomf_ , and Jordan begins to hit him over the head repeatedly with a pillow.

"Jordan, wait, I don't think that's what Pete meant by  _defeat_ ," Josh calls out, but he's laughing too hard so his attempt to stop Jordan isn't really helpful. Neither is the fact that Hayley and Pete are already gasping for breath and clenching at their sides as Jordan continues his rampage. 

"GIVE US BACK DALLON! GET OUT OF HIM, DADDY LONG LEGS, GET OUT OF HIM!"

Josh, Hayley, and Pete are still laughing when Josh's dad walk into the room.

"Hey, kids," he says nonchalantly and ruffles Josh's and Hayley's hair and plops down on the couch next to Pete before ruffling his hair too. "Your mom banished me from the kitchen to come and check up on the ruckus." He leans back and sighs contently as he takes the scene unfolding in front of him in. "Jordan beating another evil alter ego outta Dallon again?"

"Sure is, Mr. Dun," Hayley grins and Mr. Dun nods understandingly and chuckles.  

"Poor kid. Who is it this time?"

"Daddy Long Legs," Pete adds and offers him some of the chips he starting munching on. Mr. Dun thanks him and grabs a handful. "Jordan's doing an amazing job, like always."

"How's the food coming along, Dad?" Josh asks as they all continue to watch Jordan "defeat" Daddy Long Legs.

"As good as you'd expect it to go," he chuckles. "Your mom and Patrick are as great at cooking as they are at bossing - sorry, that sounds rude, let's say directing - the others around in there. Pretty sure Brendon was about ready to kill Patrick after he told him his vegetables weren't _perfectly diced_ and told him to do it again."

"God, I love him," Pete murmurs and Mr. Dun laughs and claps him on his back.

They continue to watch The Defeat of Daddy Longs for a few more minutes until Jordan accidentally hits Dallon in the eye, causing him to start griping in actual pain.

"Alright, alright," Mr. Dun says as he stands up, deciding that Dallon had taken enough, "I think you got Dallon back, kiddo." He lifts Jordan up and away from Dallon. Dallon, who's groaning on the floor and covering his eye, nods and sits up.

Jordan kicks around, trying to get out of his dad's grip, but gives up when he realizes Dallon was "back". 

"All right, kids," Mr. Dun announces with a sigh, "I'm gonna have to get back into the war zone. Wish me luck." He's about to turn back around to make his way back into the kitchen when suddenly there's a loud  _CLANG_ followed by Brendon screaming and Ashley and Ashley (Josh's little sister) shouting  _EVERYTHING'S OKAY!_

They all stare at each other with uneasy looks. 

"Welp, we'll be lucky if we live to see dinner," Hayley murmurs and Pete nudges her with his elbow.

"Hey! Have some faith! Patrick's in there with them and he and Momma Dun are the best damn cooks I've ever seen." He hums happily. "Like last year, Patrick saved us all with his chocolate purée and-"

_BANG. CRASH. CLANG._

"MRS. DUN, I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T WORK WITH HIM!" they hear Patrick shout from the kitchen followed by Brendon screaming again and Josh's little sister running out of the kitchen and into the bathroom quickly.

They stare at each other in alarmed silence until Mr. Dun speaks up, shakily. 

"Actually, uh, you know, I think I have to do some work outside. Yeah. Raking leaves and whatnot," he grabs Jordan by the shoulders and begins to steer them out into the backyard. "You guys should go check out the kitchen, though. Good luck," he calls out to them before they hear the backdoor shut.

They exchange wary, unamused glances before sighing and slowly getting up. 

"I call dibs on not trying to keep them from killing each other," Josh throws out.

"Dammit," Pete mutters.

* * *

The scene in the kitchen wasn't as bad as Josh was excepting it to be (he was expecting to see Patrick smiling triumphantly over Brendon's dead body or vice versa while Ashley and his mom ignored them and continued to do what they were doing), but it wasn't exactly great either. 

"Okay, look, I'm not saying it was your fault, but it definitely wasn't mine," Brendon says from his place behind a chair and across the table from Patrick.

Patrick was glaring Brendon down and holding a wooden spoon up menacingly. Every time Patrick would make his way towards Brendon's side of the table, Brendon would scream and run away from him. 

Mashed potatoes and gravy covered almost every surface of the kitchen, which was probably why Josh's little sister had come out running to the bathroom. Patrick's shirt and pants were covered in mashed potatoes and Brendon was covered in what looked like gravy. Ashley had stuffing in her hair and more food all over her apron. His mom was left unscathed. 

"Hey, kids," Mrs. Dun greets them with a warm, tired smile when she notices them walk in. "Where's your dad?" She picks out a few peas from Ashley's hair. "He's supposed to be here to keep the peace. We don't want last year's incident repeating itself."

"In my defense, Momma Dun," Brendon starts, but yelps and runs away from Patrick again.

"He went outside to rake leaves with Jordan," Josh explains and Ashley sighs. 

"Mr. Dun has the best excuses to get out of stuff," she mutters. Hayley walks over to her and wipes some flour off her cheek before kissing it. Ashley gives her a half smile and wraps her arms around her waist, pulling her close. "Missed you," she murmurs and nuzzles Hayley's neck and Hayley giggles.

"Dallon!" Brendon shrieks, finally noticing his boyfriend had entered the kitchen and runs over to him to hide behind as Patrick continues to glare him down, wooden spoon still in his hand. Josh always found it amusing how terrifying someone Patrick's height could be. 

Pete walks over to Patrick, whispers something in his ear, and Patrick sighs and grudgingly lowers the wooden spoon down onto the table. He glares at Brendon for a few more seconds before turning to face Mrs. Dun, his face softening. "Sorry, Momma Dun," he says sincerely. "I didn't mean to make a mess in your kitchen. Brendon always just triggers something in me."

Brendon peeks around Dallon and grimaces. "I'm sorry too, Momma Dun. And I'm sorry Patrick's always so bossy."

"It's alright, boys," she says quickly, cutting off whatever Patrick was about to say back. "Let's just... maybe try not to almost kill each other, okay? I'd like to have a Thanksgiving meal where everyone is alive. Let's just be happy we're all here together." She turns her attention back to the stove and begins stirring a boiling pot.

Patrick and Brendon nod along and smile at each other. Josh smiles too. His mom could probably diffuse an atomic bomb with just her smile. 

"Is there anything you want us to help you with, Mom?" Josh asks and heads over to see what she was doing. 

"Oh, no, honey it's fine. Patrick and Brendon might have their... differences... when it comes to cooking, but thanks to them and Ashley, the food's almost ready."

Ashley beams at the mention of her name and unwinds herself from Hayley to hug Mrs. Dun. "Thanks for letting me help," she says and Mrs. Dun pats her arm affectionately.

Hayley points at a steaming pot of vegetables and looks at Mrs. Dun. "Do you need me to-" 

 _CRASH_. 

"Okay, I'm _really_ going to kill him now," Patrick shouts in vexation and Brendon screams again.

They all whip their heads away from the stove to see what happened and are met with more food covering the floor and now Pete and Dallon too. Was that pumpkin pie on Patrick's face? 

Brendon's hidden behind Dallon again and Pete's holding Patrick back. "Babe, trust me, it might seem like a good idea now, but you do not want to go to jail for killing Brendon Urie," Pete tells him, but Patrick continues to struggle against him.

"We didn't even look away for a minute!" Ashley exclaims incredulously. "What the heck did you guys do?" 

Brendon and Patrick start talking at the same time, but Mrs. Dun shushes them with a gentle hand on their shoulders. 

"I think it'd be better if you guys got some fresh air, don't you think?" she offers, but it's definitely not up for discussion. "I appreciate all your help, really, I do, but dinner's almost ready. I can handle it from here." 

"Okay!" Brendon grabs Dallon's hand and rushes him out of the room without another word. 

"Momma Dun, if it's alright with you I want to stay and help," Patrick states and it sounds more like he's begging. "Please." 

"Well if 'Trick's staying, I'm staying too!" Pete announces. 

Mrs. Dun smiles at them fondly and nods. "Alright. Just as long as you guys promise not to be at each other's throats," she warns and Pete nods. Patrick glances at Pete, who waggles his eyebrows at him and he sighs, but nods. 

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Ashley shouts and throws her apron off. She grabs Hayley by the hand and runs after Brendon and Dallon.

Josh presses a quick kiss to his mom's cheek before following suit.

* * *

"You know, I wasn't fucking up on purpose," Brendon mutters from his spot on the swing. Dallon was behind him, pushing it. "I wasn't trying to ruin Momma Dun's food intentionally. I love cooking. I just really suck at it." He sighs and kicks his feet to go higher. 

"Dude, it's okay," Josh reassures him and curses silently when the Zubat he had just caught gets out of the Pokeball. Fuck Zubat. _Fuck Zubat_. "She knows you were trying your best and that's really all that matters." 

"Yeah! And you were actually doing really great up until you dropped the mashed potatoes," Ashley throws in. 

They're at the playground playing Pokemon Go. It's 3 in the afternoon, two hours before their mom told them to meet back home for dinner. It's freezing outside, but it's a nice kind of cold, so Josh doesn't mind. Nobody else is around, since it's Thanksgiving and people are usually at home with their families, so there's no parents to give them snarky looks for being there. 

"I can't catch this fucking Zubat," Josh huffs out as he flicks at his screen, missing again and again. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters with each attempt. 

"Then let it go, dude," Hayley suggests as she dangles her legs from over the top of the slide. She has her head on Ashley's shoulder and she's catching Pokemon on Ashley's phone. "Hey! Holy shit, I just caught a Mudkip!" 

"Oh, babe," Ashley moans from her spot next to Hayley and leans her face into her neck, "I love it when you talk dirty." 

Hayley snorts and leans in closer to her as she continues to flick at the phone screen. Ashley continues to make loud, sultry noises with each new Pokemon she catches and presses kisses to Hayley's neck.

"Get a room," Brendon shouts and he's met with Ashley and Hayley flipping him off.

"AGH!" Josh yells and runs a hand down his face in frustration. "It. Just. Keeps. Escaping!" Each word is punctuated with another flick at the screen.

"Jesus Christ, Josh, it's just a Zubat, let it go," Dallon says as he continues to push Brendon on the swing. "They're not even difficult to catch in the first place, you're just wasting your Pokeballs." 

"Fuck," Josh groans with a final flick at the screen. "I just did." 

"Told you," Dallon smirks and Brendon laughs.  

Josh sticks his tongue out at them and sighs. Great. Well, at least there was a Pokestop not too far from here that he could walk to. "Anyone wanna come with me to the Pokestop?" 

There's a collective answer of _no (_ from Dallon and Brendon Ashley and Hayley are basically just making out now after Hayley had just caught another Mudkip) (And how the hell was she catching all these Mudkips when he couldn't even catch a Zubat?)  

"'Course," Josh mumbles and gets up from his spot on the grass. "I'll be right back then." 

* * *

Josh doesn't know how he ended up in front of the church, but it's throwing off eerie and unwelcoming vibes.

He'd gotten to the Pokestop in less than five minutes, but then a Hitmonchan, his favorite pokémon, showed up as nearby and he wasn't about to pass up on catching it. He had to redeem himself for the Zubat. Now, he was a good hour away from the park.

He really doesn't want to go inside the church, but his phone was close to dying and he really needed to use the bathroom, so he decided the eeriness he felt was just his imagination.

Besides, no one would be inside, right? It was Thanksgiving.

He makes his way uncertainly towards the entrance and hesitates before opening the door. He hears a noise on the other side but shrugs it off as his imagination again. Nobody could be here, right? It was Thanksgiving. There wasn't mass on Thanksgiving

Right...? 

He pushes past the doors and freezes immediately as he realizes he was completely wrong.

He had just walked in during a mass in session.

Heads whip around at the noise and people start whispering and glaring at him irritably when they see who it is. Even the priest stops talking to see what was causing the disruption.

 _Shit, shit, shit_. 

Josh feels everyone's gaze boring into him and he can't do anything but stand there with his mouth open. He was underdressed, to say the least. His ripped pants and Grouplove hoodie, dirty and covered in fresh grass stains, and his backwards hat made him stick out like a sore thumb and made him suddenly feel very self conscious.  

 _If looks could kill..._ he thinks and audibly gulps. There's more heated whispering and he can't get his legs to work for some reason.

He was sure his face was as pink as his hair. 

He scans the room, still not sure why he's just standing there, he was an idiot for not just running out, but his legs were actively protesting his mind. He sees some familiar faces in the crowd; Mark is seated near the front with what looks like Tyler's family. He gives Josh an unamused. Jenna was sitting right behind Tyler's family with her own family. She smiles and waves at him.

Josh recognizes some other kids from school that loved to make Josh and his friend's lives unpleasant any chance they got and groaned inwardly. They smirked at him. Great. He wasn't going to live this down on Monday.

He continues to scan the room (his legs were still not cooperating and didn't seem like they would any time soon) and he feels like he shouldn't be surprised, but _is_ , when his eyes wander up to the front of the room and fall on Tyler. Sitting behind the organ.

Tyler's looking right at him, mouth slightly open, with a confused and worried look on his face. He sees Josh staring at him and he averts his gaze quickly as if he expected people to start stoning him for just looking at him.

Josh can't help but feel slightly relieved at seeing his face and chastises himself for it.

"Do you need help with anything?" the priest speaks up, pulling Josh out of his thoughts and his gaze away from Tyler. 

"Um," Josh says and it echoes throughout the room loudly. He winces and people's scowls deepen. "Sorry," he says quickly and his feet decide to finally start working again and rush him out of the room. 

He feels light-headed as he makes his way towards the bathroom, not sure how to feel exactly and if he should even feel any certain way at all. It was just Tyler Joseph. 

But... it was just Tyler Joseph. 

* * *

He doesn't know why he's waiting outside the church. He knows he's just setting himself for a loss at whatever he's going to do, but he continues to wait. He knows it's a stupid idea, because he's been full of them lately.

He kicks at a few pebbles and stuffs his hands inside his pockets, despising the cold weather. His phone was dead so he wasn't sure what time it was or how long a Thanksgiving mass lasted, but he continued to wait. There was no reason for him to be here, except for stupid hope that he'd get to talk to Tyler.

He sighs in relief as he sees people finally begin to exit the church. He'd been waiting out here in the cold for what felt like an eternity, and with nothing to keep him occupied, he thought about Tyler and how there was a gleam of... _something_ in his eyes when he saw Josh. The families leaving the church eye him distastefully and he's sure that they talked about him for the rest of the mass after he had left the room. 

He could imagine the priest saying something along the lines of _There we have an example of why it's bad to be a fag,_  or _He should enjoy this cold weather, because it's not going to be cold where he's headed to._

He still feels so out of place (mostly because of his clothes, which is the last thing he should be worried about right now) as he watches the crowd of people leave the church in their fancy mass/Thanksgiving outfits. Every person that walks by him either gives him a disgusted look or mutters a choice of colorful words Josh didn't think were allowed to be used in church. 

He feels ridiculous. He's not even sure what he's waiting for, exactly, but he knows that if he was ever going to get a chance to talk to Tyler outside of school, it would be now. He wasn't going to pass up on that. 

He searches the crowd of people leaving, looking for Tyler, but doesn't see him anywhere. The crowd begins to dwindle down and there's only a few people left milling around when Josh begins to think that maybe Tyler made some sort of magic escape as to not being seen.

Josh huffs and decides it's time to start heading home. He was sure he was past the two hours his mom wanted him home by; she must be pretty worried. He was also starting to feel really hungry and was pretty sure it he didn't already have frostbite, he would get it on the walk back.

He's about to leave when suddenly something grabs him by his hoodie and tugs him backward and into the church again. 

"Hey-"

"What are you doing here," Tyler hisses and looks around nervously. There's no one else left in the church, but Tyler still looks terrified. Like anyone could catch them any minute. He grips Josh's arm and pulls him into the closest room - which happens to be a confessional booth. 

Josh doesn't say anything, just stares at Tyler astoundingly, not believing it's been a month since they last talked. A month since they'd even been in this close of a proximity. 

"You-" Tyler starts, but Josh cuts him off this time.

"Where've you been?" He blurts out and Tyler looks taken aback, as if that was the last question he thought he'd be asked. "It's been a month! A month since you came around, since you talked to me! And I have no idea why! What's wrong? What did I do? What happened to you?" 

Tyler's face sets itself into an icy glare and doesn't offer anything else. Josh clenches his teeth.

"Things were going well, weren't they? I mean, I thought you liked practicing together after school! I thought we were actually friends or something? But then you just stopped showing up and talking to me and then you started getting closer to Jenna, and not even Mark is filling me in on anything that's going on!" Tyler's glares softens as Josh continues. "And then you showed up with bruises and a cut the day after Halloween, and I had no way of knowing if you were okay and I've been so worried about you." Josh wants to shut up before he reveals too much and ends up saying something he'll regret, but he can't. A month of bottling so many things up finally seemed to crack and they won't stop spilling out of him. "Is it because I dunked you into the tub of water in front of everyone? Because if it is I'm sorry, okay? I-"

"No," Tyler cuts him off. He's still glaring at him, but it didn't seem like there's any real heat behind it anymore. "No, I just haven't felt like going, alright? I don't have to explain every little thing I do and don't do to you!" Josh winces at that, because he was right. He didn't have to, but Josh just needed to know he was okay.

"It's just that you said that music really helps you when you're feeling overwhelmed and I just thought-"

"Look, I don't need your help, alright? And I don't need music, I've been doing fine without it. I get to play every Sunday at church, that's good enough."

"Bullshit," Josh shakes his head. "I see the way you stare at the piano during first period. You definitely miss it." They're quiet for a while. They don't do anything, but just try and read each other's faces.

Josh thinks back to the last time they were in this small of a room together and something clicks in his mind and his stomach drops. "Is it... is it something I did in the broom closet the last time we...?" Wow, he just did not know when to shut up. Tyler's face heats up as Josh continues, "What happened in the closet... did you not want that? Did I overstep my boundaries? I'm sorry if I did-" 

"No, no, it's not that!" Tyler cuts in quickly and covers his face with his hands and groans in frustration. "Geez, why is that the first conclusion you and Mark jump to?" He drops his hands from his face. He looks at Josh, but he isn't glaring at him anymore. He just looks tired. 

"Mark?" Josh asks and raises an eyebrow. "You... you told Mark?" 

So apparently, Josh had been keeping so many secrets from his friends to be mindful of Tyler's privacy, and Tyler hadn't been doing the same. 

He digs his teeth into his lip (and he could've sworn Tyler glanced down to look, but maybe that was just wishful thinking) and sighs. "Where've you been, dude?" he tries again and Tyler huffs. 

"Why are _you_ here?" 

Josh rolls his eyes. "I didn't come here looking for you if that's what you're thinking," he states. "I was playing Pokemon Go and just... sorta ended up here." Tyler looks at him like he doesn't believe him, but Josh ignores him and asks again, "Where have _you_ been?" He always feels like a broken record around Tyler. It was pretty frustrating. 

Tyler sighs and lowers his gaze down to his hands and shrugs. "I've just been busy with work and school. I don't have time to go to school and practice with you. I don't need to anymore, anyway. Things have gotten better."

Josh scoffs. He really shouldn't keep pressing on, but he can't stop. It's been a _month_ and this was the best excuse Tyler had? "You can't tell me things have gotten better when-"

"Oh, my gosh, can you just..." Tyler scrambles to find the words, but can't seem to find the right thing to say. Instead, he grabs Josh's face and pulls him in, "Can you just shut up?" 

The kiss isn't really a kiss. Well, not compared to the ones they've shared before. It's sort of just their lips pressed together for a few seconds, but his eyes flutter shut anyway and his hands flail up to hang on to the lapels on Tyler'a suit to hang on to the lapels of Tyler's suit like his life depended on it. He's afraid to move, not sure what's going on exactly, what caused this sudden change in events, but not wanting to ruin it either. 

Josh opens his eyes slowly as Tyler pulls away. He has no idea what to do or say except to just stare at Tyler in question.

Tyler rubs the back of his head and he sighs. "The truth is, Mark said that it would be best to... to give you your space after what happened at the Halloween carnival," Tyler mumbles, finally offering some insight into what had been going on and he looks up at Josh. "You know... with Shane... and Trace..."

Josh feels a slight buzz of irritation at that, but it leaves as he remembers that _Tyler just kissed him_. In church. In a confessional booth.

Tyler kissed him in a confessional booth at church. There was definitely a metaphor in there somewhere, and if Tyler hadn't just kissed him (he finds it's very important to repeat that piece of information) he probably could've thought of it.

"What... what is this? What are we doing?" Josh blurts out. "We hang out and we make out, but..." he lets his sentence wander off as Tyler looks up at him. He looks surprised at the question and Josh is too. He wasn't planning on asking that, not really, but now that he did he needs to know. "What do we have?" 

"I don't know," Tyler sighs and Josh grimaces, but Tyler speaks up again. His voice is shaky, but he sounds more confident. "I just know that... I've missed seeing you..." Josh looks up at him, surprised to hear Tyler admit something like that. "And that when I'm with you, I don't feel as lost," Tyler raises his gaze to look at Josh. "I don't know why, but I just feel so drawn to you and I don't know if it's because we work so well musically or..." Josh holds his breath as Tyler takes a deep breath of his own. "Or... because I like you."

"Like, _like, like_?" Josh asks and grimaces. Smooth. So fucking smooth. Tyler was over here talking about his feelings for him and that's the best Josh could come up with as a response.

Tyler giggles nervously at this and it makes Josh feel a little better.

"Yeah. I think... I mean... I  _like, like_  you." He doesn't know how the mood changed so quickly and Tyler went from almost killing him with a look to admitting he likes him (actually likes him!!!! as more as than a friend!!!) but he's not about to complain. This time Josh is the one to pull him in for a kiss.

This one is different. It's slow and sweet and he can feel Tyler's smile against his and he feels like his heart is about to burst out of his chest.

And, yeah, they've kissed before (Josh gave him a handjob before so this isn't really anything new necessarily), but this feels  _special_ , like it's their first real kiss. One that actually  _means_ something. One where Josh doesn't feel like he's being used.

Josh feels butterflies in his stomach and for the first time in a while, they're not bad ones.

Things start getting a little heated when Tyler accidentally brushes his hips up against Josh's and he moans softly, and that sets things off. Josh's hands fly to Tyler's hair, tugging gently to get better access at Tyler's lips. Tyler digs his nails into Josh's clothed biceps, but it still sends shivers up his spine. Tyler rolls his hips against Josh's again, moaning louder this time.

"Oh, come on," they hear someone say and the door to the confessional booth flings open. They spring apart from each other, breathless and red faced as Mark gives them an exasperated look. Josh swears he sees a hint of anger in Mark's eyes when he looks at him, but it's fleeting. Mark sighs. "Really? Here? Out of all places, you pick church to have a makeout session." 

Tyler runs a hand down his face and peeks a look at Josh and they burst out laughing. Wow, it feels so good to laugh with Tyler again.

Mark sighs. "Tyler, your mom sent me to look for you. She said you were taking too long in the _bathroom_ and if you didn't hurry up, she'd leave and start dinner without us."

Tyler grimaces at the mention of his family, and stands up quickly. "Crap, okay." Josh's stomach turns uneasily. Tyler hadn't given him an answer on if he was still having problems at home, but Josh was pretty sure he was.

Tyler turns back to look at Josh with a small grin and he can't help but smile back. "Um, I'll see you Monday?" he asks hopefully and Josh knows he's referring to after school. 

Josh beams and nods. "Definitely." 

Tyler smiles back just as brightly and nods. He hesitates before leaving, not sure how to say goodbye, but settles with an awkward high five before Mark sighs again and they walk out of the church together.

Tyler throws him one last glance before stepping outside. 

Josh waits a couple minutes before leaving too, as to not risk anyone (Tyler's family) seeing him walk out after him and raise suspicion.

He'd just made out with a boy that he likes and likes him back.

He sighs happily as he stands up and looks towards the Jesus statue in the front of the room. 

"God, thank you. Thank you for making me so fucking gay."

* * *

After almost being crushed to death by hugs from his mom and Ashley (" _Where've you been?" "We were so worried about you, you were gone for so long and you weren't answering your phone!" "We thought something happened to you, we almost called the police!_ ") they took their place around the table to eat dinner.

"Momma Dun, you really outdid yourself this year," Dallon says in amazement at the buffet in front of them. Everyone voices their agreement and Mrs. Dun chuckles.

"It wasn't just me. Brendon, Patrick, Pete and Ashley put as much work into it as I did," she smiles at all of them warmly. "Now, come on. Let's eat!"

Everyone begins to pile their plate up with food and Josh has to try his best to not keep smiling.  

"Hey," Ashley whispers to him as she starts to pile her plate up with food, "what's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" Josh asks and he reaches over her to get a dinner roll.

Ashley nudges him with her elbow. "Oh, come on. I haven't seen you smile this big in such a long time. Something definitely happened."

"Spill," Hayley murmurs as she pokes her head around Ashley to look at him and to grab some mashed potatoes. 

Josh shakes his head, but smiles. They frown. "Later," he promises and they nod.

Once everyone has their plate full of food, Mr. Dun stands up and clinks his glass. "In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I think we should all do the cliche and go around saying what we're thankful for." 

"I'm thankful Josh, Hayley and Ashley don't look like the gay smurfs anymore," Jordan pipes up from his spot across the table. Everyone laughs. Josh groans. 

Once everyone settles down again, Mr. Dun begins talking. "I want to say that I'm very thankful to be surrounded by such wonderful people, such wonderful food, and a wonderful wife." Ashley, Hayley and Brendon coo at this and Mrs. Dun smiles and stands up. 

"I'm very thankful for my beautiful family; that includes all of you." She smiles at everyone around the table. "I may only have 3 biological children, but in my heart I feel like I have 9."

Josh smiles at this and glances over at his friends who are all teary eyed and smiling.  

Ashley clears her throat and then eveyone except Josh, his parents, and his siblings stand up. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Dun," Patrick starts and smiles over at them. "We just want to say how thankful we are to have such amazing grown ups like you in our lives." 

"While the rest of this town hates us for who we are, you embrace it and make us feel like we are loved for who we truly are," Pete continues. "I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs and I'm not afraid who hears me." 

"You've given us a home outside of our house and always make us feel welcome no matter what," Dallon smiles. "And we know that whenever we have a problem, we can always turn to you guys."

"Instead of turning us away by saying you don't have enough space, you make room. This table only seats 6, but you guys went out of your way to buy chairs to accommodate all of us and not make us feel excluded," Hayley smiles tearfully and holds onto Ashley's hand.  

"You accepted me for who I was when my own parents wouldn't," Brendon starts and there's tears rolling down his face, but he's smiling. "If ever there was a better definition for the word 'home' you guys would be it. You guys are the embodiment of the word warmth. Also, thank you for putting up with my terrible cooking." 

Ashley steps forward to stand in between Mr. and Mrs. Dun, who are both visibly tearing up, and holds their hands as she begins to talk. "When my parents kicked me out of the house after they found out I was in love with Hayley, you guys opened your house up to me," she sniffs and Mr. Dun gives her hand a squeeze. "Josh and I had barely been friends for a few months, but you guys welcomed me into your home without a second thought and I'll forever be grateful for you guys. My parents have never in my life shown me the amount of love you two show me, and since this is our last Thanksgiving as high schoolers, I want you guys to know that guys shaped me into the person I am today. Thank you so much," Ashley finishes and she starts crying. Mr. and Mrs. Dun are crying too as they hug her and everyone joins in for a group hug. 

After they all settle down back into their seats and stopped crying, Mrs. Dun turns to Josh and smiles. "Okay, Josh. Your turn." 

Josh smiles and stands up. "I'm thankful to have such amazing parents in my life that continue to influence me in the best way possible and accept me and my friends for who we are. I love you all so much." Josh keeps smiling and Mrs. Dun raises her eyebrow. 

"I feel like there's more to this," she wonders out loud. "Did something happen while you were gone for so long?"

Josh blushes. His mom knew him so well, it was like she was reading his mind.

He wasn't about to announce that he was thankful for Tyler Joseph and his lips, so he says the first thing that pops into his head. "Actually, yeah. I'm thankful that Harambe's memory lives on and that I'm able to pull my dick out in respect." Pete chokes on his water and Brendon yells out  _SAME,_ and basically the table turns into chaos.

Okay, bad idea. Why was that the first thing that popped into his head anyway? He really had been spending way too much time with Pete.

He gets sent to the corner of the room for a timeout after that, but he can't stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow the ending is pretty emo but!!! friendship!!! what a concept!!
> 
> also i made a sideblog exclusively for joshler and top so i can be trash in peace,,, if you're interested it's joshlxr and you can send me all your joshler headcanons and fic prompts or just talk to me  
> :-)))


	9. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm aliiiiiiiiveeeeeeeee  
> i know, i know, i'm the actual worst at updating. i told myself i would have this chapter up by november 2016 and look where we are now :/// feel free to vent all your frustrations in the comments i deserve it (if anyone is still reading/cares about this fic that is lmao)
> 
> ANYWAY thank you sososososososo much to uma [emeraldcitydowntowngirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldcitydowntowngirl/pseuds/emeraldcitydowntowngirl) and sherry [steamy_pancakes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/steamy_pancakes/pseuds/steamy_pancakes) if it weren't for them this chapter would've never been updated  
> PLEASE CHECK OUT THEIR WORKS, they're both such amazing writers, their writing makes me suffer in the best way possible and inspired me to actually continue and write this mess!!!!
> 
> sherry was kind enough to make a playlist of all the songs mentioned in this fic so far, you can find it here: spotify:user:sherryg95:playlist:6ddUiIjIemsYuiKZh4odgd
> 
> ALSOOO i think i mentioned jay in Mark's pov? but i just now realized that it wouldn't make sense to have him in this story so let's just forget he exists, okay? thanks
> 
> okay okay i think that's all i gotta say!!!!  
> this chapter takes place the same day as the last one: thanksgiving

Mark awakes with a jolt; shooting up in bed like a rubber band that's been pulled too tight. 

His breaths are coming out sporadically and he tries his best to calm down, to remind himself that if he keeps hyperventilating he's going to pass out. He runs a hand down his face and tries to steady his breathing.  _In, out, in, out, in-_ dreams of his nightmare flash back into his mind and he's gasping for air again.

It was the same goddamn nightmare he'd been having for years. One where he wakes up and realizes he's completely alone, no more Tyler left to ground him, and the fear of that thought alone is enough to jerk him out of his dormancy. It's been a while since he last had this dream and the feeling of complete isolation crawled its way under his skin, but ever since Josh came into the picture, the dream had become a reoccurring star in his mind.

It used to be that the dream just consisted of Tyler realizing that he was better off without Mark. That he finally came to the realization that Mark had known from the very beginning - that Tyler was too good for Mark, or that Mark was simply just weighing him down from the person he could actually become. But ever since Josh fucking Dun had wriggled his way into Tyler's life, he managed to wriggle his way into Mark's dreams as well. Now his dream consisted of not only Tyler coming to the conclusion that he was too good of a person to hang around Mark, he also ran off laughing with the pink-haired punk. 

His breathing had finally slowed down enough for him to start shaking off the after tremors of the dream and he runs his hand down his face groggily again, trying to recover his sense of day and surroundings.  _It was just a dream, it was just a dream._  He pats around for his phone to check the time, but where his nightstand usually would be, there's nothing but ground.

Mark feels panic start to stir in his chest and he sits up quickly, scanning the dimly lit room that he was in. Light was just beginning to peek in through the windows, allowing him to make out his surroundings without artificial light. Basketball trophies and medals cover the wall in front of him completely, a keyboard set up in the corner of the room, and Mark begins to finally relax.

Oh, yeah. He had slept over at Tyler's.

He lets out a breathless laugh, feeling reassured that Tyler had  _not_ left him, and lays back down. Thank god his nightmare had only been just that - a bad dream, not reality.

He runs his hands down his face again and sighs. 

Above him, Tyler rustles around in his bed, mumbling something too quietly for Mark to hear and groans. Mark turns to look up at him and frowns. Tyler's brow is furrowed down and his lips are twisted into a grimace, making it look like he was hurting. Even in his sleep, Tyler never looked at ease. Geez, the kid couldn't catch a fucking break. 

Mark blows out a breath of air and checks around for his phone again. He finds it under his pillow and checks the time. Five a.m. Mrs. Joseph was probably going to wake them up in a couple more hours to help out with Thanksgiving dinner before they headed off to mass. 

Thanksgiving. 

It wasn't the first year Mark had spent the holiday (and countless others) over at Tyler's house and he knew it definitely wasn't going to be the last. 

His parents had left to go on some trip in another country a few days before. Mark hadn't been surprised; at least they had had the decency to leave a note of where they were headed off to this time. 

He's not surprised. He's not surprised, he's not surprised, he's not surprised, he chants over and over in his head. He closes his eyes and blows out a breath of frustration.

Above him, Tyler rustles around in his bed again and Mark glances over in his direction and feels himself get calmer. It was okay. Everything was okay when he was with Tyler.

A flash of a boy with pink hair crosses through his mind and he scowls up at the ceiling. It had been almost a month since Tyler and Josh had spoken and Mark played a major role in that. Mark wouldn't leave Tyler's side at school unless he had to so Josh never had an opening to talk to Tyler. And whenever Josh had tried to talk to Mark, Mark had always found a way to maneuver his way out of the situation.

He knows that Josh was hurting without Tyler. Could see it in the way he carried himself around school. It wasn't a big change, of course. To someone else, Josh must have appeared perfectly normal, but Mark was a very observant person. The boy's usual radiant and cheerful personality still remained intact but the sentiment never really carried its way to his eyes. Or when it did, it was only when his and Tyler's eyes would happen to lock for a fleeting movement. 

Mark knew Josh was hurting. Knew that Tyler hadn't been his usual self as well, but at least Josh had his friends and Tyler had Mark. But he also knew that if he let the boys talk and settle their dispute, Mark would be pushed to the back again, this time by his only friend, and be forgotten. 

He yawns and rubs at his eyes harshly, trying to get images of Josh looking at Tyler with hope out of his mind. There was no use dwelling on this. He might as well get a few more hours of sleep in before Mrs. Joseph came in to wake them up.

Mark fell back asleep, listening to the slow and steady breathing of Tyler above him. His last thought being a pleading,  _don't forget about me._

* * *

To Mark's surprise, Mrs. Joseph isn't the one to wake them up in the morning. 

Maddy had wandered in (at eleven, wow, Kelly had let them sleep in too???) and jumped on Mark, knocking the air out of him and hugging him fiercely before moving on to claim Tyler as her victim. 

Mark let out a groan at his, probably, now bruised ribs, and sat up.

"Okay, Mads, I know you're thankful for me, you've said it ten times already and believe me I'm thankful for you, but, uh, I kinda need you to stop sitting on my head." Tyler, whose head is currently being sat on, groans out. Mark stifles a laugh, relieved that he wasn't the only one who had to suffer Maddy's assault first thing he woke up. Tyler tries to throw him a glare, but due to the fact that he had a six-year-old girl sitting on top of his head, it held no real heat. Maddy giggles and rolls off.

Tyler sighs in relief, but his breath gets caught in his throat as Maddy holds him in her vice-like hug. "Sorry, Ty," she mumbles against his chest. "I just got excited 'cause I love you so much." Tyler sits up and hugs her back tightly.

Mark feels his heart leap at that and already has his camera out and recording them; neither Tyler or Maddy notice, too engrossed in their little moment.

Tyler smiles lovingly down at his little sister, a hint of melancholy reflecting in his eyes but he hugs her closer to him and kisses the crown of her head. 

"Love ya, too, Mads," he whispers. "I'm so thankful for you. So thankful." Maddy hums in content.

They stay that way, Tyler and Maddy hugging and enjoying each other's company, and Mark recording them from his spot on the floor, feeling both envious and wistful at their little moment, until Mrs. Joseph calls them all down for breakfast.

* * *

There were only a couple days out of the year where Tyler's parents weren't the embodiment of all things evil, and Thanksgiving happened to be one of those days. 

Maddy's comfortably riding on Tyler's back, her head leaning on his shoulder, as they make their way downstairs and into the kitchen where the rest of the family was.

"Happy Thanksgiving," Mrs. Joseph sing songs as she chops up vegetables. "Breakfast is on the table. I'm not having you kids eat again until dinner so eat up! We have mass in a few hours!"

Mark sighs inwardly and makes his way towards the table where Zach and his dad are already eating from, what looks like, a breakfast buffet. There's scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and french toast neatly placed in the middle of the table and Maddy cheers, clambering her way down her brother's back and running to her seat to start stacking pancakes onto her plate.

Mark doesn't miss the look of uncertain excitement in Tyler's eyes as they take their own seats. It was an unwritten rule in the Joseph's house that Tyler had never told him, but didn't need to. Mark always saw the way Tyler's eyes would drift over to his father's in a silent question:  _Can I eat?_

Mark had never been around when the answer had been no, but he knew it happened often. Tyler had always been skinny and lanky, but lately, it was starting to worry Mark. 

Tyler stares down at his plate for a few seconds before warily looking up to meet his father's eyes. Mark shrinks back in his chair a little bit as he awaits to see what happens. Mr. Joseph stares back at Tyler for a few seconds, a look of complete indifference on his stoic face, before finally giving Tyler a microscopal nod and turning back to his food.

Tyler's eyes light up in gratitude and he beams as he starts to pile food onto his plate. The whole exchange had been less than thirty seconds long, Maddy and Zach completely oblivious to what happened. Mark follows suit, acting like he didn't just witness something disgusting and fighting back the urge to punch Tyler's parents in the face. He stacks some french toast and sausages onto his plate and wonders if Mr. Joseph's answer would have been different if it wasn't Thanksgiving. 

Tyler stuffs his food down hungrily. His mom chastises him for eating  _like a slob_ but Tyler just lets out a relieved laugh and promises to slow down. 

Mark's sure the food is delicious, but he can't get the taste of bile out of his mouth as he eats it.

* * *

They all get ready to head to church after they finished helping Mrs. Joseph with dinner preparations. Everything would be ready to eat once they came back from mass. 

The Josephs didn't have any other family so there wouldn't be anyone over for dinner outside the family except for Mark and Jenna Black's family - who also had no other immediate family but had become good friends with the Josephs due to the fact that they were both active members of the church community. 

They made their way inside the church and Mark swore he felt the eyes of multiple people on him. 

Well, not necessarily on him - the whole Joseph family in general.

Tyler had already made his way to his place behind the organ at the front of the church, and Mark noticed several people pointing at him and whispering.

Mark turned to look at Mr. and Mrs. Joseph to see their reactions, but they seemed to be completely oblivious to the attention they were getting as they made their way to the front pews of the church.

Mark didn't understand why they were attracting so much, what seemed to be negative, and almost hostile, attention until they sat down and he overheard a few bits and pieces from the people in the next aisle.

"... heard... Joseph boy... gay..."

Mark feels his heart stop in his chest and he turns to glance at Tyler's parents again to see if they had overhead anything as well. If they had, they didn't show it and Mark bites his tongue harshly and turns to glance at Tyler, who was reading the sheet music for the music. 

 _Fuck._  

Mark tried to ignore the whispers and pretended that everything was alright. Things seemed to simmer down once mass started, but Josh bursting in during the middle of mass only complicated things even further.

* * *

Mark hadn't meant to do it. Not really. It was more of a spur of the moment sort of thing where his body acted before his mind could catch up and immediately regretted doing.

Tyler had been moping about Josh, questioning every day if now would be a good time to go and try to reconcile things with Josh. Mark would always tell him that,  _no, not yet, I hear he's still pretty pissed at you, it's better to wait a while longer._

And Tyler would always nod solemnly and listen. Because Mark was his best friend and he trusted Mark.

So Mark had managed to get Tyler to keep his distance from Josh and for a while, Mark felt like things were finally returning to normal. Where he didn't have to worry about Tyler leaving him for someone else, where he didn't have to share his time with anybody else. Things were going great. Well, for Mark at least.

He could see how negatively it was affecting Tyler and he couldn't understand why. Was his time with Josh really that influential that Tyler was so strung up about it? Mark always noticed the way Tyler's eyes seemed to get brighter every time Josh walked into the cafeteria, his conversation with Mark and Jenna seemed to turn into a dull sound in the back of his mind. 

Mark thought that if he seperated Josh and Tyler, then Tyler would just forget about him and remember how great his and Mark's friendship was. But Mark realized that, even though Tyler wasn't spending any time with Josh, the blue-haired punk was still on Tyler's mind and Mark was slowly, but surely, getting pushed away.

So, really. Who could blame him when he had accidentally let it slip out to someone after mass that Josh Dun was interested in Tyler Joseph. Everyone in town knew who he was. There weren't that many openly gay people in their town, Mark was sure that the church kept a list of people who had come out memorized so that their names would become taboo. 

Mark hadn't meant for it to spread throughout the whole church community - a wild game of telephone that ended up causing people to believe that Tyler and Josh were actually friends, and maybe something more than that.

Of course, the rumors never reached the Josephs. They were probably the most integrated family in church right after the priest's and to have them find out that their son was rumored to be  _"one of those dirty homosexuals"..._ Mark didn't even want to think of what would happen.

It did reach Jenna's family, though. Jenna's family, who was very close to Tyler's, and who were most likely going to discuss the rumor with them after church or during Thanksgiving dinner. 

Mark hadn't meant for it to happen. Not really. At least, not like this. 

But at least now, his parents would most likely forbid Tyler from seeing Josh so to silence the rumors. 

It was a good thing, Mark tries to reassure himself. The most that they would do to Tyler on Thanksgiving was scold him. Maybe scare him a little. And then Tyler wouldn't even want to  _think_ about Josh and he'd be Mark's best friend again.

At least, that's what Mark hoped.

* * *

"I'm going to use the restroom," Tyler announces to his parents quickly after church ends. Mark resists the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Josh was still hanging around the church, looking for an opportunity to talk to Tyler, and Tyler was planning on finding him. 

His parents, who are too busy talking to the priest, simply nod and Tyler takes off - Mark right on his heel.

He grabs Tyler's arm as they round the corner to the bathroom and stops him before he goes any further.

"Where are you going?" Mark hisses and Tyler gives him a confused glance. He looks too excited, too hopeful at the thought of getting to talk to Josh again.

"The bathroom." He states as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and Mark might have actually believed him if he didn't see the way Tyler's eyes darted quickly to the side. Mark glances in the direction. The windows are tinted from the outside so Josh couldn't see them, but Tyler and Mark could see him. He was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot and glancing around anxiously. 

Mark turns back to look at Tyler and gives him an unamused  _are you serious?_   _you're not fooling me_ look. Tyler sighs and shakes his hand out of Mark's grip.

"I want to talk to him," Tyler says quietly and simply glances longingly at Josh, who's rocking back and forth on his heels now and wincing slightly as people pass by him, throwing him nasty glances. "I mean, he came all this way here. That must mean he's not mad anymore, right? He wants to talk to me." Tyler's voice is so buoyant, but he looks unsure of his own words. 

Mark feels his anxiety start to spike up. He can't let Tyler go to Josh. He can't, not after working so hard to keep them apart for this long.

He's about to say something, he's about to stop him, but Tyler must have taken his silence as an affirmative because he's walking away from him again. There's not that many people left in the church, only the ones who are super dedicated, like Tyler and Jenna's family. Mark is about to go after Tyler again, but he sees Tyler's parents start to head out and come towards them. Tyler is already outside with Josh.

"Shit," Mark mutters softly and heads over to them instead. He doesn't like Josh but that didn't mean he wanted him and Tyler to be caught together at church. Especially after the rumors that he was sure his parents must have found out about by now. 

"Where's Tyler?" Mrs. Joseph asks once he reaches them. Her face looks cheery, but he sees a murderous gleam in her eye. Oh, yeah. Someone definitely told them about the rumors. Mark glances around quickly, surprised to see that Jenna's family was nowhere to be seen. The priest must have been the way to break the news, then.

"He went to the restroom, ma'am." Mark tries not to glance in the direction of where Tyler really went. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph's eyes bore into him, trying to figure out if Mark was telling the truth or lying to try and cover for their son. 

"I needa go to the bathroom, too," Zach tugs on his dad's pants and Mark feels like he was about to explode from anxiety. He wasn't a religious person but thought that now was as good time as any to pray to whatever God was out there for a miracle. 

Mr. Joseph was about to usher Zach to the bathroom when -

"Mr. and Mrs. Joseph," a warm voice tears everyone's attention away to look at Jenna, who seemingly popped out of nowhere. Oh, thank god, Mark sighs in relief. "I was meaning to catch up with you after the service." Jenna smiles brightly, her perfect teeth sparkling, and causing all the tension in the room to vanish.

"Jenna!" Maddy exclaims and runs over to hug her legs. Jenna giggles and gives her a returning hug.

"Jenna," Mrs. Joseph greets back warmly and gives her a hug and kiss on the cheek. Mr. Joseph smiles as well and shakes her hand. "I hope you and your family intend on making it over for dinner. I didn't see your parents after the service."

"Oh, we wouldn't miss it for the world," Jenna laughs brightly. "My family just went ahead to retrieve some last minute things, but they'll be at your house in dinner in no time. I stayed behind to discuss some things with the deacon. I don't mean to be a bother, but would it be possible if I rode back home with you guys?"

"I still gotta pee," Zach whispers not so quietly before Tyler's parents can answer. 

While Mr. and Mrs. Joseph are temporarily distracted with their younger son, Jenna eyes Mark and gives him a small nod.  _I got it from here_ , _go,_  she mouths and Mark is filled with alleviation. Thank the universe for Jenna Black.

"I'll take him, sir," Mark inserts quickly and takes Zach's hand. "You guys head over to the car with Jenna and we'll catch up up!"

Mr. Joseph looked like he was about to protest, but luckily Jenna chimes in again.

"Oh, Mr. Joseph, I really don't mean to be a bother but I was wondering if I could ask you a few things on -"

Mark doesn't hear the rest of her sentence; he was already escorting Zach towards the bathroom and mentally thanking Jenna over and over again.

* * *

"I'll meet you back in a few minutes, okay? Just tell your parents I had to use the bathroom too," he tells Zach while he washes his hands. 

Zach shrugs noncommittally and nods. He doesn't question why Tyler hadn't been in the bathroom or why Mark hadn't just used it at the same time as him. Mark was sure Zach wasn't going to relate this information back to his parents either. And if he did, Jenna was there to cover for them. 

After Zach finishes his business, Mark ushers him towards the parking lot, watching him until he reaches the car safely before turning back to head inside the church.

There weren't that many places two teenage boys could hide in this place and Mark was determined to find Tyler quickly and bring him back. He had already wasted too much time and his anxiety had returned. What if Tyler and Josh had made up and were back on good terms? He knew that Tyler was always one to quickly forgive and forget, so it wouldn't surprise Mark. He also knew that Tyler's feelings for Josh had developed further due to his separation from the pink-haired punk. 

Mark grits his teeth at that.

He scans the room and is about to head towards the front of the room which veered off into a separate room that led to an altar of Jesus Christ, but stops cold in his tracks when he hears a muffled groan come from the confessional booth.

Fuck. So they  _had_ made up.

Mark quickly makes his way towards the booth and pulls open the door, causing a very surprised Josh and Tyler to spring apart from each other.

* * *

Mark stays silent on the drive back to the Joseph's house. Jenna and Tyler were sitting in the back row of the car, entertaining a giggling Maddy.

Jenna and Tyler are sitting in the back row of the car, entertaining a giggling Maddy and Zach.

Mark wasn't surprised to find that Tyler and Josh had made up, or that they were kissing. Not really. He was a little taken aback, sure, but he had other things to mull over.

He was pissed, to say the least. For a month, he'd done all he could to keep Tyler and Josh away from each other but in the end, he still ended up losing.

He frowns, ignoring the laughter from everyone in the car, and turns to look out the window. Houses pass by but there are no cars - probably due to the fact that everyone was already back with their families and situated for dinner.

His mind drifts off and he starts to wonder where his parents are. They were never home and the times that they were, they acted like Mark didn't exist.

He knew his parents didn't like him. Knew it because the last time he remembers having an actual conversation with them was when he was young, and his parents were fighting. Occasionally throwing insults at him, but mostly focusing on destroying each other verbally. Shouting at each other about how shit their lives had become ever since he was born.

Mark had gone up to his room and tried to muffle the screaming with his pillow. It didn't help. Their argument seemed to have taken a different turn and they must've realized the answer to why they were having marital problems because they were now shouting about him.

"It was your decision to have him!" he heard his dad scream. "I told you to get a fucking abortion, didn't I?"

"I didn't think he was going to turn out to be such a fuck up!" his mother screamed back.

It went on for a while, but Mark tried his best to sleep and it must've worked because the next thing he knew he was waking up to the sunlight hitting his face.

He doesn't know how the argument ended but he was positive that they had both decided to just ignore they had a kid altogether and suddenly their marriage was rekindled.

They'd feed him and take him to school and give him the bare necessities, but outside of that, he didn't exist. They went on family vacations without him. They celebrated holidays without him, telling him to stay in his room and locking the door.

The last birthday he remembered celebrating was when he turned seven. After that, nothing mattered.

Until he had met Tyler.

After Tyler, everything changed and he didn't feel so alone anymore.

To have that be taken away from him by Josh Dun... he wasn't going to allow it. Tyler was his best friend and he was not about to lose him. Not after everything they'd been through.

And, frankly, he was pretty annoyed at Tyer for doing this to him. He knew that he was Mark's only friend. Knew that Mark had no one else, but he still wanted to continue this ... thing he had with Josh.

The car pulled up into the driveway and jostled Mark out of his thoughts.

"Turkey time!" Zach exclaims and quickly unbuckles his way out of his seat to rush out of the car.

Everyone else follows after him, giggling and excited for the Thanksgiving meal. Tyler was about to hop out after Jenna and Maddy before turning around to quirk an eyebrow at Mark.

"You coming?" he asks and Mark realizes he still had his seatbelt on.

Mark nods and follows out after him, feeling mad about everything.

* * *

"The food is delicious, Mrs. Joseph," Jenna states and her mother murmurs in agreement. That launches the two talking about certain recipes they can try out next year.

Jenna's dad and Tyler's have been deep in conversation since they had sat down to eat, talking about the latest football season and the upcoming basketball one. Once it switched to basketball, Mr. Black turns and brings Tyler into the conversation.

"How's the season going at school, Tyler?"

"So far so good, sir." Tyler nods politely and Mr. Black chuckles.

"I'm sure it is, I'm sure it is. With a star player like you on the team, I'd be surprised if it wasn't."

Mr. Joseph smirks proudly at that and Mark scowls internally but shoves some more mashed potatoes into his mouth to stop himself from saying something. Tyler was an amazing basketball player because his parents forced him to be; having Tyler practice nonstop and shooting hundreds of baskets outside each day and working him until they were satisfied or Tyler passed out from exhaustion. Or both.

Tyler blushes and shakes his head politely. "We have a good team this year. They mostly do all the work."

Jenna snorts and elbows him playfully. "Please. Without Tyler, the team would be nothing!"

Tyler elbows her back. Their eyes meet and they giggle.

Mark doesn't miss the hungry interest in Tyler's parents' eyes as they watch them.

* * *

"Fuck," Jenna whispers, too low for their parents to hear but just loud enough for him and Tyler to hear.

They were huddled around the door separating the kitchen from the living room. They had been kicked out after Tyler's parents stated they had a "proposition to make" to Jenna's.

Tyler turns around to look at her, eyebrow raised in question and Jenna answers.

"Our parents," she starts and turns to look up at them, "they want us to date."

"What?" Tyler hisses and Mark looks at him, not at all surprised to see the mask of worry painted on his face. He had just rekindled things with Josh. The last thing he was thinking about was a relationship with Jenna.

Jenna shakes her head and sighs. "They can't force us to, right? I mean, we'll just say no. They can't _make_ us date." She looks between Mark and Tyler, uncertainty making its way on her face. "Right?"

Tyler's mask of worry remains on his face and Mark chews on his bottom lip. He knows what he's thinking of. Josh. Who else? After their little exchange at church, Mark was surprised Tyler didn't follow Josh home or something.

"You guys should just go along with it," Mark states and Jenna and Tyler whip their heads around to look at him as if he grew two heads.

"What?" Tyler hisses again and Mark wonders if that was the only word in his vocabulary at the moment. He bites his tongue, feeling his annoyance with Tyler grow.

Jenna shakes her head and scowls. "Look, I love Tyler but in a totally platonic way. He's like a brother to me. I can't _date_ him. Especially if it's just to make my parents content." Tyler nods along and Mark sighs.

He had to get Josh away from Tyler. He had to get Tyler away from Josh. His mind racks his way through an idea.

"I know that, Jen. And I know that Tyler feels the same way about you and that your parents are both shitty but this could actually help Tyler. A lot."

"What?" Tyler asks and Mark gives him an irked glance but wills himself to calm down.

"I'm sure your parents don't want you two dating for no reason. I mean, yeah, it'll make them happy but don't you think they have an ulterior motive?" Tyler and Jenna glance at each other for a second before turning to look at Mark. Jenna looks sheepish and Mark knows she knows what he's talking about.

"I see," Jenna mumbles. Tyler looks between them in confusion.

"What?" he asks and Mark sighs in irritation. Really, was Tyler incapable of inputting something other than _What?_ to the conversation? Fortunately, Jenna answers before Mark says something he knows he'll regret later.

"Ty, there've been... rumors about you going around lately at church." Jenna pauses to see if Tyler might see where she's going with this, but Tyler just gives her a befuddled look.

"What?" Tyler asks again and Mark snaps.

"Tyler, really? Come on, you're not an idiot." Jenna and Tyler both turn to look at him in surprise. "You've never dated a girl, let alone show any interest in any, and suddenly Josh is starting to show up around you more? You've gotta know how that looks to people. Don't make us spell it out for you. If you and Jenna start to date, then those rumors go away and your family's 'purity', or whatever the fuck they think they're upholding, remains intact."

Tyler stays quiet for a few seconds and then turns to stare at the floor, his face calculated and Mark begins to feel bad for snapping at him. He huffs out a breath and looks away.

"He's right," Jenna says after a couple more seconds of silence pass by. She turns to face Tyler and bites her lip. "You know I don't care about whether those rumors are true or not." Tyler's still staring pensively at the floor and Jenna grabs his chin gently, tilting it so that he's facing her. "You're one of my best friends Tyler, I love you no matter what."

Mark knows that what Jenna is saying is true. Besides him, Jenna was Tyler's closest friend and she was always there to support him. Mark never felt any jealousy towards her, though, seeing as Jenna didn't want anything other than friendship from Tyler and the fact that she was pretty good friends with Mark as well. If Tyler were to go out with anyone (well, _fake date_ ) he was glad it was with Jenna.

Mark looks over at Tyler, who was staring intently back at Jenna, eyes swarming with love and gratitude for her. He nods and Jenna smiles back sadly, letting go of his chin and leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Jenna!" They hear her dad call her from the kitchen. "Come in here, please. And bring Tyler."

Jenna grimaces and takes Tyler's hand in hers, guiding them both into the kitchen - both of them already aware of what their parents were about to say to them.

Mark trails behind them, sure that they wouldn't notice him either way.

* * *

Mark awakes in a hysterical fit for the second time that day.

The same goddamn dream.

He growls in anger as flashes of his and Tyler's argument after Jenna had left flash through his mind. God, he was an idiot. If he didn't lose Tyler to Josh then he was definitely going to lose him by acting this way.

He checks the time on his phone, actually aware of his surroundings this time, and sees that it was one in the morning.

Whatever. Mark needs to talk to Tyler right away.

He sits up and looks towards Tyler's bed and feels his heart drop to his stomach when he found it was empty.

He feels his breath start to quicken and pinches himself, expecting to still be dreaming because Tyler wouldn't just leave like this. He wouldn't leave with him like this.

He reaches for his phone again and quickly presses 1 on his speed dial. Tyler's phone lights up from somewhere near his pillow and Mark feels worse.

He didn't take his phone with him, fuck, fuck, _fuck._

What was he going to do now? He knew that there were only two places Tyler would go at a time like this. And considering he and Josh had seemingly made up, Mark was sure he knew where Tyler was.

Mark gets up in a haste and reaches for his hoodie, pulling it on and not caring if it was inside out. He slips his shoes on and makes his way out of the house as quietly and quickly as he possibly can. There was no point in going if he woke up Tyler's family.

Once outside, he starts sprinting towards the school, not caring about the ache in his side or the way his breaths start to come out, feeling like sharp knives in his throat.

He was going to get Tyler away from Josh if it was the last thing he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think i'll ever have a steady updating pattern going so the easiest way to keep up with it is to just suscribe to it or smthg but i PROMISE that i'll see this story to the end. i've had it all planned out from the very beginning and i plan on actually finishing it no matter how long it takes I PROMISE 
> 
> thank you so much for all your comments and kudos <33 i cant believe this trash almost has 600 kudos?? wild


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